my ex's xmas pressie to me

jetcat

well, as i suspected, my ex is not returning to work (he is on sick leave) purely so he doesnt have to pay the csa. :mad: He told me this today, saying it was my xmas pressie. He also told me that as his half pay (£400) was less than his protected income (540) he wouldnt have to pay anything at all. His half pay lasts until April. I think he thinks i will cave in by then - not a chance!!!

Is there anything i can do, or do i just give it up as a bad cause?? The csa keep telling me that they have spoken with his work, and that they say they will be sending payment through (deo in place) but surely they must know that he wont be paying if on less than his protected income??

Aside from all that - Merry Christmas everyone!!

Voyager2002

You could respond by informing him of the following:
your income, without any top-up from the CSA, is not enough to keep the children alive. You will therefore be sending them to go and live with him: since he does not go to work he will have plenty of time to spend looking after them, and since he is receiving half pay he will be able to support them financially.

Should he feel the pinch he is welcome to apply to the CSA for support, but you have a job offer abroad and would consider accepting it and leaving him to manage alone.

Blackpool_Saver

Good answer, how the heck do they think we manage, imagine picking and choosing whether or not to support your own children..........

jetcat

Voyager2002 wrote: »

You could respond by informing him of the following:
your income, without any top-up from the CSA, is not enough to keep the children alive. You will therefore be sending them to go and live with him: since he does not go to work he will have plenty of time to spend looking after them, and since he is receiving half pay he will be able to support them financially.

Should he feel the pinch he is welcome to apply to the CSA for support, but you have a job offer abroad and would consider accepting it and leaving him to manage alone.

i have actually thought of that - esp at the times when my health is bad. But, however skint i am, i cant imagine anything worse than my precious DD's going to live with him, and he knows how i feel, so i couldnt even threaten it!!

I have actually suggested that as he is off work, he may like to spend more time with them (at present he has them one night a fortnight) but he "doesnt think so, too busy"!!!!

I think i am probably at the point where i just feel like he is back controlling me, and i desperately want to be in control of the situation, i just dont know how to!!

It hurts me beyond belief to see the sheer lack of interest he has in his own children - he doesnt even ring or email eldest DD, despite her continutally asking him to. My feelings stem from being abandoned by my own parents as a baby, and i really wanted to make sure my kids didnt know how that feels......

Oh, probably best to ignore me, its xmas, i'm on my own and feeling a bit weepy!

jorichste

Sorry to hear you're not happy, sending ((hugs)).My ex never paid anything towards our 2 children, in the end you have to reclaim your power. Ok its cr*p but expect nothing then if he decides to contribute(with time or money) its a bonus. You sound like a truly caring parent and thats exactly what your kids need, keep up the good work. Have a good cry and a glass of wine, then wash your face and put a big smile on ready for your girls xx

Blackpool_Saver

Yes, I can relate my ex husband has not seen his son in 11 years and only pays a pittance because the csa take it from his wages again.....

Hold your head high

nearlyrich

jorichste wrote: »

Sorry to hear you're not happy, sending ((hugs)).My ex never paid anything towards our 2 children, in the end you have to reclaim your power. Ok its cr*p but expect nothing then if he decides to contribute(with time or money) its a bonus. You sound like a truly caring parent and thats exactly what your kids need, keep up the good work. Have a good cry and a glass of wine, then wash your face and put a big smile on ready for your girls xx

Me too, we got very little in the way of child support and if he had spent as much energy on his relationship with his children as he did on thinking of ways to evade supporting them financially he might still have a relationship with them.

Your girls have a mum who cares and is willing to support them his lack of support is not your responsibility. I know it makes things hard financially but you will get through and your children will know you did your best.

Some people should not be allowed to breed

jetcat

thanks guys:beer: . I think it not so much the money aspect - i cant miss what i never had, but i cant understand the fact that his hate for me seems to far outweigh his love for his kids.

I guess i will contact the csa (again) when it opens, and see what they say. He did say if i cancel the csa, he would return back to work tomorrow and pay the original £50 per month we agreed on (even though he only made three payments over a year and a half) I told him no, as despite all the faffing around, it is actually less stressful for me using the csa, as it means i dont have to put up with all the c**p from him! I hope that doesnt make me sound like a money grabber!!

DD1 is just about at the point where she doesnt want to see her dad anyway, i think had it not been for her beloved nana (dad's mam) passing away this year, she would have not gone to see him at all! Cant say that i will be disappointed....;)

Kimitatsu

Jetcat

You cant make him want your children and it is him who is losing out. My ex has had no contact with his children for the last 18 months, he doesn't even bother to send them a card any longer.

NRP's seem to have this view that they are funding a lavish lifestyle for the PWC - I know mine does, he has told me that if we were on the breadline then of course he would contibute more. So apparently because I haul myself off to work to support his children that does not count.

He can only have control if you let him have it, he has lost your respect and the respect of his children, easy to give away and difficult to earn. It is always a difficult time of year, the media gives us the illusion of the "perfect family gathering" which is unlikely to be true. Most families end up falling out over Christmas and the kids are the ones stuck in the middle.

If I were you dry those tears - he is not worth them - hug your girls and move forward. That will really upset him!