Desperate for help...

highlandgurl

Damzel_In_Distress wrote: »

it acutually infuriates me when men with children have new partners and the new partner seems to think they shouldnt pay for the existing children! wouldnt want it to cut into your "lifestyle" after all...pfff!

Ummmm... ok, i'm a NRPP and i dont pay anything towards the kids with his ex and i dont see why i should. I wouldnt expect his ex to pay towards the baby i'm having with him so why should i support children that were produced before i even knew my fiance?

Damzel sounds like just another PWC who thinks the world owes them something. Get over it...

Marker_2

JOint finances already? Thats a bit soon isnt it, when did you both get together. Not judging (yet ) but thats an awfully short time totie your finances together especially when he hasnt yet divorced and has 2 kids.

WOnt say anything about moving in together as my husband moved in the first day, but then neither ofus had 'baggage'.

Were you the mistress?

frustrated1983

Well we live together so joint finances are a more sensible idea in our situation, obviously each situation is different and I'm a firm believer in doing whatever works for you.

Although I was not the mistress, there was admittedly only a couple of weeks between him leaving her and us getting together..bearing in mind I have known my partner for years.

Marker_2

Ok, did he leave her for you or was it simply it just sort of happened after they split (tell meto mind my own business whenever )

Its alot to take on, man with wife and 2 kids, your still young to so all thebest. I Know the ex is causing !!!!!! but the kids have got to ome first regardless -even before your mortgage and food in your mouths. Its atough game playing the step mother and one that you wont do right -thats just the way it goes. Good luck though.

frustrated1983

no, we happened afterwards.

and I totally agree kids always come first which is why he is not disputing any ongoing maintenance. If we look at it this way, if he is only left with £300 per month (and this likely to drop lower when the divorce goes through) how he is expected to buy food to put in their bellies when they stay with him Friday through to Monday? Of course he has my income to fall back on but I don't earn a great deal and what would happen if he was living as a single man?? How is he expected to cope?

on the plus side I get on great with the kids.

Damzel_In_Distress

highlandgurl wrote: »

Ummmm... ok, i'm a NRPP and i dont pay anything towards the kids with his ex and i dont see why i should. I wouldnt expect his ex to pay towards the baby i'm having with him so why should i support children that were produced before i even knew my fiance?

Damzel sounds like just another PWC who thinks the world owes them something. Get over it...

i DID NOT say that at all-what i said was that women who take on a partner with other children then moan about there partner paying for his kids/other kids-there are lots of women who think their partners should spend their money only on them or there new kids etc...i never said new partners should pay for there partners kids anywhere on this thread.Your blind.

and i wasnt implying this was the case with anyone on here-i was just ranting,but not at anyone!!

frustrated1983

Damzel, there is both sides of the coin and no-one is debating the fact that there are dollybirds out there that begrudge a father paying for his kids which is wrong, the same as the situation we find ourselves in which is wrong also. But you must appreciate that all situations are different. You refer to NRPP's lifestyles being affected, I'm sure I'm not the only one here who can admittedly claim to dress in Primark, very rarely go out drinking or socialising and who's idea of a good day out is spending the day (and the money) out with their partner and his kids at a theme park or something. This I would not call lavish. Therefore your post was uncalled for on this particular thread which is what got people's back up (including myself) as it did not apply to the situation, any responders or myself.

In conclusion to this whole situation I think we may be able to draw a line under it anyway. We have been going through all the old documents and proofs from the period my partner was apparantely absent, and lo and behold, he did not open his bank account until 2006. His salary was paid into her account and there was only one card, which she had. A direct debit for the mortage was also taken from this bank throughout these years. She had full control of the finances.