how to budget

Skintmama

Hi Paul,
Sorry to hear of your difficulties. Having the children being picky must be adding considerably to to your stress. This is my second attempt at posting to you actually as first one got lost as the board was being so slow.

This is a summary of my first post:

1) Don't panic or get miserable about food, not good for you or kids

2)Anything fast food can be done better, more healthily and more cheaply at home.
Think tacos filled with tuna, cheese, salad, baked beans; custom built HM pizzas, a salad bar, filled jacket spuds, pasta with a choice of sauces (just freeze the extra)
simple stir fries, crudites chips and dips, burgers etc.

3)My offspring are 14 and 12 and have at various times been very fussy, however they responded well to good presentation and making the food with an international theme.This does not take extra time or money, just thought and laying food out visually well and imaginatively. They always ate more on picincs for instance. Also when a selection of food is placed on the table and they are only allowed a fair share of things they did choose and eat sensibly.

4)When mine come shopping I get them to go and search out the bargains for a particular product (Maths Treasure Hunt) and to explain to me why it is a bargain. I tell them we will stick to the list unless there is a bargain that we ALL agree is not to be missed, they can stop me spending money too!

5)Put food money in a purse so they can see when it is running out and whether fizz looks such a good deal when you also need to create a meal. When my kids nagged for a McD once after shopping, I agreed but said "That is your lunch and there will be nothing left for an afternoon snack" They were starving of course an hour later but I just kept reminding them of their choice. Sometimes they need to learn by their own experience!

6)DD made a chart for her 5 a day fruit and veg which worked well for her. I don't think there would be anything wrong with a treat for good progress with this.

7)Set the table nicely and enjoy each other's company. Serve the food with confidence and don't be put off by complaints. Ask how they would improve the meal and get their help to do it. Having said that I do say if their comments offend me.

8)Teach them how to prepare food and show how you and your wife enjoy their efforts. Mine first did some very inventive(!!) open sandwiches and a fruit platter when they were quite little. Their cakes were also very creative, first efforts were edible and now they are very prize-winningly good.

Just trying in my lengthy way to say that you can still have fun with food and not have it as a battleground or a budgeting nightmare. My way isn't for everyone but it has worked well for me.

Take care and Good Luck!

Not a summary really after all!

jcr16

i;m 24 and hubby 25 and we were both brought up on you eat what your given or go without.
and my daughter is just turned 2 , she ate everything. now tho she is starting to not eat much and refuse to eat even her favorite spag bol. so what we do is sit at table i feed the baby his din dins , and my hubby and i get on with eating our's and we ignore her moaning about it and eventually she eats some. even if it just a little bit i don't mind. then she will eat her pudding which is usually banana , satsuma or apple. she east loads of fruit in a day. she used to eat lots of crisps and sweets. but now these are weekend treats and only if she good.
she helped make some banana smoothies the other day which she loved. and also helped to make some chocolate cakes which she thought was fab as my hubby showed her about licking out the bowl. ( typical fella, lol). anyway i have found that by getting her involved really helps.
although she still refuses some food point blank without even trying it.

HTH

sheng719

Hi Paul,
I know how hard it is not to give what your children wants... I agree with most of the people who posted their reply with regards to sitting down with your kids and try and explain to them the need for you to be on a budget and that some of the luxuries that they have been used has stopped for the moment. Make them realise that they will benifit from this in the long term. My OH has been on the same boat and that happened when he was about their age. His parents made some decisions at that crucial point that affected him, but he now looks back at it as a learning experience and that although we have debts as of the moment we greatly see to it that we could still afford to pay for it and still live a fairly comfortable life. Budgeting is really effective if really stick to it. (Tried and tested)...You'd be suprised sometimes that you might be able to put some pennies aside from the budget.

pickle

I used to buy pepperoni pizza from LIDL (3 in a pack) for about £2 from memory then added peppers, onion, olives etc. Tastes great for a treat and probably healthier than the take away versions. They still sell them. For fizzy drink - what about the cheap sparkling water and add cordial for the odd occasion. LIDL sell sparkling water by 6 bottle pack for under £2(I think). Pasta, potatos and rice are healthy fillers and very low cost so I'd stick with that as much as possible (eg. for curries, risotto, pasta meals, pasta salads, with Asian food etc.). I also stick to generic brand or home brand products as a rule if buying from other supermarkets.

My parents would just make us sit at the table until the food was eaten. Boredom usually got the better of us - so it always got eaten. The only extras allowed between meals were fruit and milk or water. Once a week we had a treat (usually bought out of pocket money) and on a rare occasion a small amount of money to buy something at school like a pie. It seemed to be enough at the time. Ultimately it's much better for their health to have home cooked meals. Maybe draw up a list of things you're prepared to cook and then ask them to choose from the list for a certain number of days (if they're able to agree with each other) and you choose the rest. I don't have children so I don't know whether this is just wishful thinking on my part?

The best saving I make shopping is by buying at LIDL and Netto. Netto sell great quality frozen mince (no detectable fat) for 99pence (lamb and beef) which I make things like shepard's pie, lamb kebabs, mince for pasta or topping for potatos, meatballs etc.

Good luck with it all.

HOLsale

rchddap1 wrote:

I'll be brutally honest and tell you what my parents would have done if I'd have said 'I'm not eating that rubbish'. They have simply replied...calmly of course....'fine you won't get anything to eat then until your next meal'...and then ignored me. It would then be my choice whether to eat or to starve simply put.


Edit: Sound harsh don't I. But if daughter 1 had her way we'd eat plain boiled rice and ham sandwiches every day. So we have very little choice but to be a little 'strict'. They have become use to it to be honest.

I couldn't agree with you more

dd who is 4 would actually hold off eating food for 6-8 hours or even over night when she still knew we'd cave in and feed her what she wanted eventually (even as young as 2). once we laid down the law and insisted that she eat what we eat and then added in a small desert at the end as a literal 'sweetner' for the deal she now eats what we do, when we do without too much cajoling 99% of the time. the choice is always hers but if she doesn't eat it, she doesn't get desert. if she refuses to eat anything she gets time out (unless she's ill)

we do make allowances for personal choice. we know she doesn't like mushrooms so we pick them out of anything we eat and just give her a little extra of what she does like. she's funny about sauces so with pasta i just put her noodles seperate and offer her sauce, if she refuses i accept that and don't count it against her. her salad is just raw pieces of veg, we don't insist she use salad dressing etc

she's a much better eater now and actually is getting to even like things she insisted she hated before. she's eating a much healthier diet now and realises she has to eat 'real food' to get even the smallest amount of junk food. we also treat juice as 'junk food' as giving her juice on demand as a baby, even with careful toothbrushing led her to have cavities in all her molars which had to be removed last spring (they won't put fillings in childrens teeth appearantly) :eek: that was quite a shocker on our part as she's never eaten a LOT of junk but the dentist told us that fruit juice is as bad as fizzy drinks on young teeth!

regardless it took us a huge shock like that (and boy did we feel like the worst parents on earth ) to change her eating habits for good (and ours)
i realise the original posters kids are much older but they are in a similar shocking situation and for everyones benefit must get the kids to cooperate

another thing that this will accomplish besides a healthier diet for the kids is for them to learn how to spend money in a wiser fashion... my mother certainly didn't teach me about that, all she taught me was how miserable being poor was which does no one any favours at all. we all do our children a disservice if we don't teach them how to handle money BEFORE they move out and it starts to control their lives...teach them now with this very real example so THEY can learn to control the money

thriftlady_2

I always give my children two choices at meal times -
Take it,or leave it

jellycat40

Hi Paul
Welcome to the os board. I have met you before on debtfree wannabe. I have raised 4 kids and they have alternately been fussy. One won't eat eggs, one baked beans, one will eat egg yolk one will only eat white!!!

I would suggest that with all the other stress you have that you don't turn this into a battle ground. Life for them is probably stressful and they are probably having trouble adjusting to things they don't fully understand. At 10 and 12 they will know something is amiss and may think it is partly them to blame.

I would sit them down and talk to them. Get them to understand that they are in no way to blame and then to talk to them about things they can do to make things easier for everyone.

One of these things is eating more cheaply and healthily. Try and approach it as a family project and get their input. Find out what they absolutely feel they cannot manage without. Limit it to a couple of things. My kids responded to this fairly well. Although the budgeting thing is still not easy I am not spending as much.

You could also talk about healthy eating some points to mention are fats and what they do to your body, salt and how it can kill you and fizzy drinks, how they can cause your bones to break down. Apparently the carbon dioxide in fizz leeches the oxygen from your bones and causes them to break down. Causing oestoporosis in later years. My kids now drink sugar free squash or water most of the time. My son also drinks lots of milk but that is a sore point!

Most breakfast cereals are expensive and as the kids get older the packet emptys quicker. I suggest that you pad it out with fruit, dried fruit or a cheaper version of the same product. My kids get toast with their cereal so they eat less.

To be honest it is not easy but go easy on yourself and take it one step at a time.

Hugs :grouphug:

Louise

debtworrier

rchddap1 wrote:

I'll be brutally honest and tell you what my parents would have done if I'd have said 'I'm not eating that rubbish'. They have simply replied...calmly of course....'fine you won't get anything to eat then until your next meal'...and then ignored me. It would then be my choice whether to eat or to starve simply put.

We only have my OH's teenage daughters round once in a while, but they know that we don't have fizzy in the house. If it isn't there, they can't drink it. If there are any 'do we have' or 'why haven't we got'....a simple reply of 'cos we don't have it, but if you want to buy it with your own money go ahead'. Usually they won't buy the item...so they don't 'really' want it.

We also make our own pizzas.....which is cheaper and far tastier....even a pizza hating daughter thought they were great.

Sounds like your kids need to understand that things have to change. Perhaps it might be worthwhile sitting them down in front of a pen and a bit of paper. Work with them to set a meal plan for the next week.

However, I'm reluctant to pander to 'I want' or 'but there isn't any x'. If they want something that you don't buy then they'll have to earn it some how or pay for it themselves. At least that's how we work anyway.

The more 'I wants' that are heard the less chance there is of that thing appearing.

Edit: Sound harsh don't I. But if daughter 1 had her way we'd eat plain boiled rice and ham sandwiches every day. So we have very little choice but to be a little 'strict'. They have become use to it to be honest.

When I was growing up the deal in our house was that each of us kids (self + 2 sisters) could choose one thing that we would never be offered - we'd get an egg or a sausage instead when the rest of the family had that thing. With everything else we were at liberty to eat it or not as we chose, but no substitutes were available. We had to buy our own sweets, crisps and fizzy drinks out of our pocket money.

EagerLearner

Hi Paul,

Welcome and hope you are doing well on the cutting back and the fussy eating times!

Give my spreadsheet ago to keep you motivated throughout the month - see my sig - PM me to ask any questions and I will be your budget buddy for a while to get you started!

cupid_s

If your kids like pizzas, make them. Top them with whatever you have to hand or whatever is in the reduced section. Enough pizza for 4 people at a cost of about £1 and I bet it would be healthier than what you can buy in the shops ready made