help and advice needed

dreamweaver86

Hi, I've been really stupid over the past year I've got into a big mess with my fiancee and her family, during april i got into the stupid habit of gambling, i was that desperate for cash i ended up using her credit cards. (I've realised what ive done and I know its really stupid) I'd been trying to pay it back when she found out last week and now she wants me to pay it all off as soon as possible (10k), I cant seem to get a loan from anywhere ive tried brokers where ive paid a fee, but theyve all come back saying no.

Im really scared with whats going to happen to me and her and am looking for some help and advice.

Thanks

A

TotallyBroke

Hi, there is a thread in the dfw section for ex and wouldbe ex gamblers. I don't know how to do the link but I'm sure someone will be along soon with the info.
The only piece of advice I can give you is STOP. I'm actually in your fiancee's position in the fact that my OH has done the same to me. But you'll read all that on the above thread.
Google Gamblers anon uk and find the nearest meeting and go.

TotallyBroke

I'm not sure if this will work http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1090463&highlight=ex+would

There are a lot of pages there but I suggest reading them. Decide if you want to stop gambling and if your fiancee means more to you than anything else in your life.
Once you have decided this then we can help you solve your problems. We are all there to help you through this horrible time. Some can advise you from a gambler's point of you and me and a few others can advise from being on the other end. Show the posts to your fiancee as well she may get some comfort from them, to show she is not on her own.

dreamweaver86

Thanks for your help, I have stopped and realised what a f-wit I have been, thankfully she has forgiven me a bit and let me stay living with her, i cant seem to find the section your are talking about though, what page is it.

mm1976

Hi Dreamweaver

There will be a way to deal with the credit card.

Do you know how much you could pay back each month? Do you have any other debts?

The best thing to do is fill in an SOA up the top and psot the results in here and some useful heads will help out.

I use gaming sites for recreation and have seen this group offer help for people in your situation.

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/

M

TotallyBroke

I'm not sure at the moment that filling out a soa will be worthwhile. soa's need to be household income and household expenditure. As someone that this has happened to I will not pay towards these debts as a household. Don't get me wrong I am currently paying them as they are in my name but I will make sure that every penny is eventually paid off by my OH. I will not cut back on food and bills etc and sky tv to pay these off. Why should I have to go without because my OH has behaved like a P*A*T? He goes without, new clothes, new shoes, cut off phone bill, having to bike to work instead of bus. My arguement is if he hadn't of gambled we would have bus fair etc.

I think you are going to be in for a rough time but in my opinion it's what you deserve. I pray for your sake that this is just a once in a lifetime thing and that it will never be repeated.

dreamweaver86

i can afford to pay back 500/600 a month, but i just want to pay it all off so the debt is in my name and my OH doesnt need to worry anymore

dreamweaver86

TotallyBroke wrote: »

I'm not sure at the moment that filling out a soa will be worthwhile. soa's need to be household income and household expenditure. As someone that this has happened to I will not pay towards these debts as a household. Don't get me wrong I am currently paying them as they are in my name but I will make sure that every penny is eventually paid off by my OH. I will not cut back on food and bills etc and sky tv to pay these off. Why should I have to go without because my OH has behaved like a P*A*T? He goes without, new clothes, new shoes, cut off phone bill, having to bike to work instead of bus. My arguement is if he hadn't of gambled we would have bus fair etc.

I think you are going to be in for a rough time but in my opinion it's what you deserve. I pray for your sake that this is just a once in a lifetime thing and that it will never be repeated.

I realise what I have done and want to rectify it if i cant get a loan i will pay the debts for her, and go without, Im sh*t at gambling and know how much trouble its caused so defo will not be doing it again

TotallyBroke

If you are unable to get loans I think you will have to pay it monthly. Too many searches on your credit file will mean the answer is no automatically. Give your fiancee as much as you can each month and tell her as soon as you can pay it off in one go you will.
Everyone is s**t at gambling. If it was so easy there would be millions of millionaires.

You can see from my signature the extent of my OH gambling. T-Mobile, Council services and family they are all down to him.

dreamweaver86

TotallyBroke wrote: »

If you are unable to get loans I think you will have to pay it monthly. Too many searches on your credit file will mean the answer is no automatically. Give your fiancee as much as you can each month and tell her as soon as you can pay it off in one go you will.
Everyone is s**t at gambling. If it was so easy there would be millions of millionaires.

Thanks for your help TotallyBroke, Ive been on the phone to another broker and they just said no so I will have to pay off monthly, ive just found out that sainsburys have offered me a job (second job) and will give all my wages to my OH to pay towards the credit cards,

TotallyBroke

That's fantastic.
Please do read through the posts on that thread. The people there have helped me so much. If you feel you don't need or want to post there, suggest your fiancee has a read. He/She may want to post to vent out some anger that otherwise maybe said to you. We maybe able to help him/her understand or get through this difficult time.
Remember even after the debts are cleared it will take time for the trust to be restored.
Good luck I hope it goes ok for you both