1st post - will we turn it around? Help!

Kippaxmum

Evening All,

This is my one of first posts so please be gentle with me.

I'm hoping some of you will be able to give me a bit of advice. Earlier in the year we were so far in debt, we were struggling to pay it with our monthly incomes. Over the last couple of years, we have got married, had a baby, the cost of living has risen incredibly & we have continued to live now as we did 5 years ago... Not good I know but hey, its done now, not much we can do.

A few months ago it got to the point that we had much much more going out than coming in and after my dh had a frank discussion (called me all the names under the sun - a liar being one of them) we agreed to go down the route of a secured loan. It halved our outgoing on debt (not including the mortgage) and things were kind of ok. Since then, I have cut back on my spending dramatically, cut up all credit cards and only used a catalogue in an 'emergency' (I have lost 5 stone & quite quickly so new clothes unfortunately were unavoidable)

However, he still seems to spend as before and it is a problem (basically)

We both have our 'me time'. Mine is my gym membership (£32 per month) His is going out a couple of times a week (Sunday day & night & Monday night) He draws out between £40 and £50 per week to do this.

Our weekly food shop is between £60 & £70 and he moans at that but no matter what I say, I can't get him to see that spending 2/3 of our food budget on his 'going out' is wrong & crippling us!

We had a barney a couple of weeks ago and he was in effect blaming me for the debt (I do take some responsibility) but also for the fact that when he wants something he can't just go and get it! Umm..... its been like that since we got a house, had a baby - life is not the same as when you were young, free & single paying £10 a week board!

Anyway, does anyone think there is ANY way at all that I can get him to sit down, go through 'the figures' and see that he needs to reduce his beer spend, preferably by 1/2! Do you think that setting up separate accounts for our 'personal money to spend on what you like' would be any good?

I'm just so confused as to what is going to be best to do. I'm only 26 and love him to bits but just lately, since having to get the secured loan or sell the house, he's being really awquard about everything...

Any help appreciated guys

xxx

bank_of_slate

Hi and welcome to the site.
Firstly, as you said, what's done is done.
The important thing now is to work out your full statement of accounts and both pull your weight evenly.
Can you post a full SOA on here so we can help you? Use the link below.
http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html
...Linda xx

Kippaxmum

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet[/b]

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 980
Partners monthly income after tax....... 1000
Benefits................................ 140
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 2120

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 450
Secured loan repayments................. 205
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 72
Electricity............................. 31
Gas..................................... 31
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 29.5
Telephone (land line)................... 10.5
Mobile phone............................ 20
TV Licence.............................. 11.5
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 47
Internet Services....................... 4.49
Groceries etc. ......................... 300
Clothing................................ 30
Petrol/diesel........................... 200
Road tax................................ 25
Car Insurance........................... 55
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 25
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 80
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 26
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 10.5
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 50
Haircuts................................ 10
Entertainment........................... 250
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 20
Total monthly expenses.................. 1993.49

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 110000
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 6000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 116000

Secured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 91000....(450)......5.89
Secured Debt.................. 18000....(205)......8.1
Total secured debts........... 109000....-.........-

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Catalogue......................100.......20........0
Family Loan....................5000......21........5
Total unsecured debts..........5100......41........-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 2,120
Expenses (including secured debts)....... 1,993.49
Available for debt repayments........... 126.51
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 41
Surplus(deficit if negative)............ 85.51

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 116,000
Total Secured debt...................... -109,000
Total Unsecured debt.................... -5,100
Net Assets.............................. 1,900

Created using the SOA calculator at https://www.makesenseofcards.com.
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission.[/font]

======== Enter any other useful information below ========

e.g. the number of adults & children in the household, the number

of cars included in the SOA or anything else that may be useful.

Hi Linda,

Hopefully this makes some sense. When we took out the secured loan, I worked out a budget which even with his 'beer money' left us the amount said on the planner here - however, for some reason we never see this!

We have my wage paid into one account as it covers all the direct debits except the council tax & gym membership (forgot to put on there that we also have a personal loan of £46pcm which finishes in January) and his wage paid into another account (he is paid weekly).

I had thought about going through everything with him (he doesnt take an interest) and suggesting having separate accounts for our own spending money but I dont think he would go with it - especially as he will then realise exactly how much he is spending (but neither he, nor his mother, can see anything wrong with it!)

Aaaaaaaargh. Just feel like I'm permanently banging my head against a brick wall and not getting anywhere - except more & more stressed/depressed about it!

bank_of_slate

Kippaxmum wrote: »

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet[/b]

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 980
Partners monthly income after tax....... 1000
Benefits................................ 140
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 2120

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 450
Secured loan repayments................. 205
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 72
Electricity............................. 31 Is gas and electric with the same company - get a quote via Quidco for cashback!
Gas..................................... 31
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 29.5
Telephone (land line)................... 10.5 Can you get cheaper phone/broadband/TV with 1 company?
Mobile phone............................ 20
TV Licence.............................. 11.5
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 47
Internet Services....................... 4.49
Groceries etc. ......................... 300 reduce this my meal planning, sticking to shopping lists etc
Clothing................................ 30
Petrol/diesel........................... 200
Road tax................................ 25
Car Insurance........................... 55
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 25
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 80 Does your work do the childcare vouchers scheme?
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 26
Contents insurance...................... 0 ????
Life assurance ......................... 10.5
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 50 can this be reduced?
Haircuts................................ 10
Entertainment........................... 250 start a spending diary to see where the extra money fritters away to, a magazine here and a sandwich here soon gobbles up any surplus
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 20
Total monthly expenses.................. 1993.49

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 110000
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 6000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 116000

Secured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 91000....(450)......5.89
Secured Debt.................. 18000....(205)......8.1
Total secured debts........... 109000....-.........-

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Catalogue......................100.......20........0
Family Loan....................5000......21........5
Total unsecured debts..........5100......41........-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 2,120
Expenses (including secured debts)....... 1,993.49
Available for debt repayments........... 126.51
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 41
Surplus(deficit if negative)............ 85.51

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 116,000
Total Secured debt...................... -109,000
Total Unsecured debt.................... -5,100
Net Assets.............................. 1,900

Created using the SOA calculator at https://www.makesenseofcards.com.
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission.[/font]

======== Enter any other useful information below ========

e.g. the number of adults & children in the household, the number

of cars included in the SOA or anything else that may be useful.

Hi Linda,

Hopefully this makes some sense. When we took out the secured loan, I worked out a budget which even with his 'beer money' left us the amount said on the planner here - however, for some reason we never see this! SPENDING DIARY - SEE ABOVE!

We have my wage paid into one account as it covers all the direct debits except the council tax & gym membership (forgot to put on there that we also have a personal loan of £46pcm which finishes in January) and his wage paid into another account (he is paid weekly).

I had thought about going through everything with him (he doesnt take an interest) and suggesting having separate accounts for our own spending money but I dont think he would go with it - especially as he will then realise exactly how much he is spending (but neither he, nor his mother, can see anything wrong with it!)

Aaaaaaaargh. Just feel like I'm permanently banging my head against a brick wall and not getting anywhere - except more & more stressed/depressed about it!

Start doing paid surveys via You Gov, Valued Opinions, Toluna and lightspeed too!
...Linda xx

bank_of_slate

https://www.valuedopinions.co.uk

http://www.yougov.com/uk/panel/

http://uk.toluna.com/

http://uk.lightspeedpanel.com

...Linda xx

Kippaxmum

Originally Posted by Kippaxmum
Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet[/b]

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 980
Partners monthly income after tax....... 1000
Benefits................................ 140
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 2120

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 450
Secured loan repayments................. 205
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 72
Electricity............................. 31 Is gas and electric with the same company - get a quote via Quidco for cashback! Yes, only recently switched - get clubcard points. Will have a look though, I'm not tied in
Gas..................................... 31
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 29.5
Telephone (land line)................... 10.5 Can you get cheaper phone/broadband/TV with 1 company? - Tried to get it with sky (dh won't cancel as he watches sports, we are getting movies cancelled) but tehy aren't in the area! Have put the landline with Tiscali for my internet so it doesnt cost me (costs £14.99 pcm for internet, calls & landline)
Mobile phone............................ 20
TV Licence.............................. 11.5
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 47
Internet Services....................... 4.49
Groceries etc. ......................... 300 reduce this my meal planning, sticking to shopping lists etc Have been doing this & reduced the shopping. My son goes to grans & takes lunch & tea with him so I have to get stuff that I can make up for a lunch box, he's 2.5 years old. Would shopping online be a good idea?
Clothing................................ 30
Petrol/diesel........................... 200
Road tax................................ 25
Car Insurance........................... 55
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 25
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 80 Does your work do the childcare vouchers scheme? Its just playschool so they dont accept childcare vouchers
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 26
Contents insurance...................... 0 ???? It is included with the buildings
Life assurance ......................... 10.5
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 50 can this be reduced? possibly but we have big families
Haircuts................................ 10
Entertainment........................... 250 start a spending diary to see where the extra money fritters away to, a magazine here and a sandwich here soon gobbles up any surplus - have just signed up to spending diary website

I am going to get signed up to a few of those survey sites (a few more anyway) any other tips?

Thanks for all your help btw
xxx

dancingfairy

I think you really need to sit down with him and make him see sense. Show him the SOA. You already owe 5,000 on top of the 18,000 which you have consolidated. Tell him that if he/you carry on like this you will be in a right pickle and could loose your home or be made bankrupt.
You are doing the right things.
At the end of the day you might have to give him an ultimatum - if it's making you miserable and he is going to drag you down into debt he might have to go.
He is married now with responsibilities and cannot act like a stroppy teenager.
To be honest you have good salaries and could nip this in the bud - you are just spending beyond your means - 250 on entertainment, 47 on sky, 300 on groceries - this is very high.
df

penniesgrowintopounds

I agree with dancingfairy. Your OH needs to realise how worried and unhappy this is making you ~ and that it is his joint responsibility to sort things out with you.

You're doing the right thing by nipping this in the bud now. Keep reading and posting ~ there are some very wise heads here, who can help you to get where you want to be.

Good luck, and welcome aboard!