Selfishness V's Child Maintenance

mooma_2

Hi,

Been on here a few times for advice about my rediculously selfish Fiance (he spens bill/grocery money on himself, refuses to let me have money to get thingd I need as "we can't afford it", etc, etc. He rarely does anything for our daughter - no nappy changing/feeding/general looking after).

Well, basically we moved into a Key Worker Rented apartment 3 weeks ago (He is a keyworker, i'm a full time mum to 10month old daughter). 2 weeks ago he says he wants to end it (because he is bored of having a family and wants a single social life!!!) and I have to move out with our daughter.... Obvioulsy that means he is making me and our baby homeless as I feel he is forcing us out by the way he behaves toward me.

Anyway, we discussed Child Maintenance payments for when I eventually find a new home. I checked on the CSA's website and they reckon they'd make him pay £250 a month. Well HE reckons we should make a private agreement where he will pay £150 a month, and he makes me feel so guilty about everything and makes out everything is my fault so I feel I have to agree with him.

But as he is making us homeless should I just go through the CSA and make him pay more becaue he's been selfish all these years????

MrsTinks

I'd stick to your guns and tell him that the CSA estimates £250, not £150. Why does he have the ability to make you feel guilty? You have a child together so that means equal responcibility surely! Thus nothing for him to make you feel guilty about

imfedup

Have you spoke to the council about emergency housing, you are going to be homeless with a baby they should be able to sort something out surely?

Dont take any [EMAIL="!!!!"]!!!![/EMAIL] from him, if the website says £250 then go through them dont let him make you feel guilty - he is chucking you out not the other way round.

He sounds like a really nice, considerate guy - NOT

Try the CAB as well, they may be able to tell you what your rights are with regards to getting somewhere to live. Dont move out until you have something in place.

Good luck

bunty109

Go to the CSA and get your £250!

Really hope you can get some emergency housing sorted.....fingers crossed for you!

knitknack

What will you live off? If you're a stay at home mum I imagine you'll need housing benefits, council tax credit, child credit and income support for yourself? If that's the case he'll have no choice about the matter - they'll pay you your benefits and take money from him to cover them (the two don't match, they pay you a set amount and take from he according to what he earns). So how will he feel about paying an amount to the CSA (or whatever it's called now) and you not evening getting that amount? He sounds like a selfish ar5e!

I would refuse to move, to be honest, think very carefully about what you do - get advice - look online and go to the CAB if you can.

Good luck!

wannabe_sybil

Did he get a better home/deal with a dependant partner and child?

I think for the sake of your little one that you need to hold out for the full amount. It is not about you being selfish but providing a decent standard of life for your child.

Also if you do not work you will not be allowed to make a private agreement. It will be all about him paying to CSA and them forwarding it to Income support. This may change his mind about the whole business. There is a sub board about CSA with the Employments and Benefits, and they may be able to help.

Also if you look on the Housing board and post there you will find many experts on tenancy law, rules and regs, how to apply, where to apply. They are not always very pink and fluffy but can be really helpful.

Also contact Shelter who are experts at this sort of thing.

There are so many lovely people on this forum, scattered all over the different boards, and there are plenty who would be happy to help. You are less on your own than you think.

Hope this helps.

back2square1

If you know his salary then the maintenance payments should be 15% of his wages. Also he can deduct one seventh for every night your daughter may stop overnight with him in the week.

My advice is go to CAB or free half hour with a local solicitor. He cannot make his daughter homeless and a solicitor can advise on where you stand regarding this matter.

back2square1

Forgot to mention you may want to sort out whether you want your fiance to have Parental Responsibility for your daughter. Basically if he has it then you cannot make any big decisions regarding your daughter without his consent ie. moving out of country, change of surname.

skylight

At this stage, CSA and how much you may or may not get is irrelevant. This man is kicking out you and your(his) daughter, therefore finding alternative accommodation and financing yourself is far more important.

Firstly, contact Shelter as to what you should do. They will probably recommend you go to your local council and talk to them. Your local council will tell you not to move out - no matter how strained things get - as I believe your ex still needs to issue you with some sort of eviction notice (the housing board will help here) before the council will take you on board as homeless.

Or, you could find somewhere to rent privately and claim income support (equivilant as this changed last month), child tax credit, housing benefit (now LHA), council tax benefit on the rental. (Please note, that you should get all this on a council rental anyway, but waiting lists are very long these days in most areas).

Then worry about the CSA at a latter date. Perhaps you could accept for now his offer of £150 if he pays the deposit and first months rent on a new place for you if you go privately? Because whatever you get off him in maintainance, you have to declare when you are claiming and the more he pays, they less you get in benefits (but you can keep £20 per week maximum).

naturally_2

I would go through CSA, pure and simple. Don't you dare let him make you feel guilty! And know that you're so much better off without him too.

Loopy_Girl

back2square1 wrote: »

Forgot to mention you may want to sort out whether you want your fiance to have Parental Responsibility for your daughter. Basically if he has it then you cannot make any big decisions regarding your daughter without his consent ie. moving out of country, change of surname.

He'll automatically have it if he is named on the birth certificate.