Pain in the backside ex...

ddavis

Hi All,

Apologies for the rant...

My fiances ex is a pain. He pleads poverty (despite going down the pub every night) and has managed to get the CSA to reduce his payments to 8ish per week. This would be alright, i suppose, if he ever paid. He's not paid a penny since it started. Managed to afford to go to Germany 3 weekends in a row though.

He's self employed, declares very little of it, and gets benefits plus money from mummy.

If thats not enough, he regularly ignores his daughter despite getting a solicitor to request visitation for him. Every week we have to chase him to see if he is seeing her, we have stopped this and made it clear it is his responisbility. He'll show up for 3 weeks then skip 10.

None of this is fair on one of the most lovely, loving little girls you'll ever meet. I love her like she is my own and cannot bear to see him upset her the way he does. We've reached the point where she will cry if you say she's seeing daddy.

Anybody any thoughts? I know we cannot just turn around and say he's not allowed to see her but the constant disruptions to her routine are just unfair. It has to stop.

And it'd be nice if he paid the CSA too! I know he earns / has more money than they think.

Thanks in advance,

DD

frugallass

Welcome to the club - there are loads of PWC's on here with self-employed ex's who are screwing the system and paying an awful lot less than they really should be.

Was your fiance and her ex married?

It might be worth keeping a diary, logging all visits, payments and conversations - just in case you need to refer back to specific dates.

Are you able to get any proof of his income / lifestyle and provide this to CSA?

My husband has been a fantastic dad to my daughter for 11 years (I was with her dad until she was 5, she's now 16) you should be proud of yourself for being a special step-dad.

Kimitatsu

I have to echo frugallass!

My ex is self employed, runs 4 businesses at the last count and apparently earns £5200 a year. On this he manages to owntwo homes and buy a new car last year!

My children have decided not to see him (they are 9 and 11 now) so I am quite happy for him to go to court if he wants to change that. The court will rule in the best interests of the CHILD, not him. If she is constantly upset by him then let them do a CAFCAS assessment, under every child matters emotional upset is just as important as anything else, and whilst the courts may say that he is entitled to keep open communications via letter, email etc they will not force her into something that could be damaging.

As has been said, keep a diary as it is all evidence of when he sees her and her state before and after the visit - we also had back up evidence from the school as they noticed that DS1 was unsettled every time ex came to visit.

Its not fair I know, all you can do is gather evidence and ask for a variation on the basis of "income inconsistent with lifestyle", it will most likely be turned down and then you can go to a tribunal where it can be backdated.

Good luck - there are lots of us on this road!!