There's always something

Wol2

Mupeteer wrote: »

Thank you so much to Wol2 and My Last Fiver.

Wol, I know I can count on your support and I thank you for always being there.

My Last Fiver, thank you for being so candid.

I'm trying to work out what I want to do but i guess it'll take some time.

My title "There's always something" probably does speak volumes but I was mainly talking about past relationships. Up until now I have been really happy with this guy and we've been having a good time. I now need to be strong and work out what is best for me.

You go girlie....in your own time....we WILL be here....


xxxx

Mupeteer

Well, I've been thinking and then doing some more thinking and all I seem to be doing is going round in circles.

Last night almost sorted it out for me. We went out for a while, he was totally hammered and I was having a crap time so I ended up leaving him to it and coming home on my own. This morning he apologised then broke down in tears telling me how much he misses his daughter (she's almost 4 and he split with her mum over a year ago and the mum is making things difficult for him). Then he took my dog for a walk so he could clear his head but came back an hour later and told me he'd also gone to the bookies.

I'm so confused. I really want to help him but don't want to make my life any harder. Why is it that I always end up feeling responsible for people and putting them before me? What a mess.

boredofbeingathome

Mupeteer wrote: »

Well, I've been thinking and then doing some more thinking and all I seem to be doing is going round in circles.

Last night almost sorted it out for me. We went out for a while, he was totally hammered and I was having a crap time so I ended up leaving him to it and coming home on my own. This morning he apologised then broke down in tears telling me how much he misses his daughter (she's almost 4 and he split with her mum over a year ago and the mum is making things difficult for him). Then he took my dog for a walk so he could clear his head but came back an hour later and told me he'd also gone to the bookies.

I'm so confused. I really want to help him but don't want to make my life any harder. Why is it that I always end up feeling responsible for people and putting them before me? What a mess.

Hi Mupet, just found this..it is a difficult one, but i think you may well have answered your own question in the last post..Feelings are confusing and the only way he can help himself is if he is willing to realise how selfish his behaviour has been..It may also be one of the reasons why he split up with his daughter's mum.The fact that he went to the bookies again, does mean that he is already making a mockery of what he has said..IMHO.
I am so sorry you find yourself in this dilemma and you have done really well this last few months and i would hate to see you upset so much again..Think long and hard about it ..would be my advice and also be a bit kinder on yourself and what you are wanting out of a relationship.
Bob x

ZTD

Mupeteer wrote: »

I'm so confused. I really want to help him but don't want to make my life any harder. Why is it that I always end up feeling responsible for people and putting them before me? What a mess.

With the sense of responsibility do you have a desire to please?

MyLastFiver

Mupeteer wrote: »

Why is it that I always end up feeling responsible for people and putting them before me? What a mess.

Exactly.

It's an unfortunate trait in a lot of men to be, well, immature and self-destructive.

So what does this guy offer you? He's a gambling addict who can't/won't stop. He has a child from a previous relationship that he's only a year out of and hasn't recovered from. He drinks too much and wallows in self-pity. He doesn't sound like much of a catch to me. Ask yourself why he split up with the mother of his child, and try to see beyond the reasons "from his side" that he gives you.

Now, I don't doubt he has his good points (but you haven't mentioned them) and that he's in a difficult place and could do with some TLC, but do you really need someone piling their baggage onto you like this? Or if you don't want to cut him off completely, could you be there as a friend rather than a romantic partner?

How about setting about finding a partner whom you can rely on, rather than one who relies on you but doesn't reciprocate? Life's too short to stay in miserable relationships.

skint_spice

my ex gave me his bank card too but little did I know he'd already copied down the details and was using them online on gambling sites...

Burlesque_Babe

Mupeteer wrote: »

Why is it that I always end up feeling responsible for people and putting them before me? What a mess.

that could be me saying that I always feel responsible for others. I feel for you.

Anyone with an addiction is going to have it - life long. Even if it's 'dormant' for years, circumstance could go against the person to make them feel the need for their 'crutch', which is what gambling (or any addiction) is.

You've had a rough year. I have to agree with My Last Fivers last post, although I know from my own experience it is very, very hard.

Mupeteer

Thanks everyone. Yes, I guess I do want to please people and, although I would usually vehemently deny it, I want to be liked and accepted by everyone.

I've given myself the night off and am staying at home. I think I need it. I intend to have a bath and try to unwind a bit.

Glutton for punishment that I am, I am going to see him tomorrow and hopefully to take him to GA at night. I'll just have to see what happens.

He really does have his good points and can be a tremendously caring and thoughtful person. We've had some great times up until now.

He is over the break up of his last relationship but finds it really hard being without his daughter and I can understand that. It was waking up this morning and finding that the snow was lying outside that set him off today. He just wanted to be with her, playing and making the most of it.

I guess I sound like I'm making excuses for him now.

ZTD

Mupeteer wrote: »

Thanks everyone. Yes, I guess I do want to please people and, although I would usually vehemently deny it, I want to be liked and accepted by everyone.

I've given myself the night off and am staying at home. I think I need it. I intend to have a bath and try to unwind a bit.

Glutton for punishment that I am, I am going to see him tomorrow and hopefully to take him to GA at night. I'll just have to see what happens.

He really does have his good points and can be a tremendously caring and thoughtful person. We've had some great times up until now.

He is over the break up of his last relationship but finds it really hard being without his daughter and I can understand that. It was waking up this morning and finding that the snow was lying outside that set him off today. He just wanted to be with her, playing and making the most of it.

I guess I sound like I'm making excuses for him now.

I notice in that nothing about you. How do you feel? What do you want out of it?

Mupeteer

I want to be happy, to not have to worry about things all the time.

I think I could be happy with him if he gets himself sorted out. I'm in no position to judge him, afterall my finances are in the toilet already.