Do you feel guilty and a failure, due to bankruptcy?

AJB135

Hi Everyone

I finally went bankrupt on the 27 October. Well basically I had to close my business down over 2 years ago, and my problems kind of started off from there, my health suffering from depression, (still do), owing people money, people calling up all the time, etc etc. I was even scared to answer the phone, door just terrified. And just feel a complete failure, etc

Trouble is now I am bankrupt, I still feel really guilty and a complete failure, yes I felt it before, and I still feel it, but more so now. Does anyway else feel the same way, and how long did this feeling last for, I would much appreaciate your experiences, etc. I know everyone is different etc etc.

How and what did you do to help combat the situation.

I know its a strange thing to ask, I just thought of it and wondered if anyone felt like this.

Many Thanks

AJB135

Thejagman

Hi, I had the same situation and felt so bad about going BR after the event I still struggled to come to terms with it and had so many rows with my partner to the point of me leaving her. My advice would be put it behind you,take some time out if needs be. Do not punnish yourself!! there are lots of other people in the same boat.

Good luck :beer:

lexie2005

So sorry to hear you feel like this. I am not BR but am in an IVA & I feel a failure & often feel we are letting our son down by him not getting everything I would like him to have. I have to say I think you are brave to post that you feel like this & I am sure you will find a lot of people will post to say they feel the same. Hope you start to feel better soon ((hugs))

maxmycardagain

i did .... till i was discharged.....lol

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=SfkvPnjb9hs


just saw you went BR the same day i was given ED......1 in, 1 out....

sandra_nz

I would imagine these feelings are quite common, however it is important not to dwell on the past and mistakes you may have made, but to focus on the better future you are making for yourself.

So the next time you find yourself feeling down about what has happened, remember that you were very brave to take the step to bankruptcy and you have done it to secure your future.

MrsST

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I agree that it's important to focus on the future and not beat yourself up for mistakes made in the past.

Our situation came about partly due to stupidity on our parts for spending more than we had, but life has thrown us a few curve balls in the last few years too. We are taking the more pragmatic approach that by going bankrupt, we are taking steps to give our children a better life than we would have been able to without doing this.

Since our twins were born, we have struggled daily to give them anything more than the basics. They do eat well but have mostly second hand clothing that has been given to us. I'm not proud about them having second hand clothes, but it would have been nice to splash out now and again on some nice new bits. We haven't been able to buy much for them and even bedding had to be asked for as presents when they moved out of their cots.

All that will be different now. Once we have been discharged and when I am able to go back to work, we will be able to live a normal life where it might even be possible to go away as a family now and again. That is a future I am definitely happy to focus on

mazzatee

Don't feel guilty about it. Like so many people you have tried your best but if we all held on to our problems and guilt it would bury us.

The important thing is to hold your head high, learn from your experiences and move on with your life - a little bit older & hopefully a lot wiser!

My very best wishes

Dunpayin

Hi AJB

I started a business 3 years ago, and recently went BR because I'd run up too much debt in the process of setting up and 'learning through mistakes'. Now my business is ok, because I don't have big repayments every month.

For years I also had problems with depression, and I can see how it could make the BR process more difficult. The strange thing is, it seems like what I've gone through the last few years actually helped me out of the depression.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, there are plenty of negative stigma type things to focus on with BR, but there's also some really positive things too. This forum certainly has plenty of inspiring stuff on it!

It feels to me like the way the banking and credit system works, it preys on financial ignorance, poor money management and encourages over spending and short term thinking. I definitely fell for the spell . The BR process is one where we can step back, analyse and learn what's gone wrong and literally start again, a fresh start, a chance to have another go having learnt a few lessons.

You've taken control of that horrible situation you were in, and that takes guts. You don't need to feel scared of the phone or the door knocking or the red letters. It's important that we take ownership of past financial balls-ups, but, to be frank, the banking/credit system is set up to grind us down. Some of that guilt is the systems responsibilty. The US sub prime fiasco is a great example of the financial institutions not acting responsibly.

Oops, in danger of getting on one there!;)

So, there you go. It's not all your fault. Keep posting!

D*

stresspuppy

I echo everything that has been said above, i am myself dealing with the same feelings, but i have been suffering from stress, anxiety and depression for the last six months, if it helps you are not alone and the only piece of advise i can offer is this, life is never streight forward, there will always be knock backs and upsets along the way, but the very fact that you can climb out of bed in the morning and face that days challenges deserves huge recognition, that makes you a fighter and most certainly not a failure. Celabrate your achievments however small they may be, and slowly but surely you will begin to feel positive again.

regards
stresspuppy

Sunk

I felt a failure before BR...if I'm honest I was disapointed with myself even on the day of BR.
Now I don't feel a failure, it takes guts to go BR.

LilyBart

Sunk is right, it does take guts to go BR. Not sure about guilt per se but certainly failure moments sometimes. Mostly because the first time in my adult life in which I have actually known what is in my account, and actually budgeted for things, has been since taking the decision to go BR. Does that count as ironic? I think it might. Anyway, AJB, it's been less than a month since you went BR and one's feelings about the process do change as time goes by. I suspect you'll begin to feel better soon.
Lily