Am I prolonging the inevitable?

Dooood

Hi All

I'm hoping someone can give me advice / share experiences that will enable me to make a decision regarding my debts.

I have suffered a catalogue of financial disasters and fear I may have to take control myself and seriously consider bankruptcy.

I feel the need to explain how I ended up in this position - guilt I suppose - I still can't believe I've ended up here!!

Following my divorce in Dec 2005 - was forced to sell the family home considerably less than the market value and ended up in a rented house as a single parent to two boys 11 & 7.

I had £10k left to start my new life but felt extremely fortunate to have my kids - I am the father.

With the residence order in my favour, I was happy to be flexible and allow / encourage the children to spend a similar amount of time with both parents providing it remained amicable - this arrangement comfortably fit around our work commitments and I could see that the kids benefited immensely.

March 06. Lost my job for the sixth time - previous time was a worrying 7 months but no wife to pick up the slack this time.

Redundancy extended into 2007 and my settlement dwindled.

March 07. After many failed job applications, I agreed to the job centre's advice to switch from Job Seeker's Allowance to Income Support but continued to look for work.

Big financial disaster.

It eventually took 4 and a half months to process my Income Support claim and I received no benefit during that time.
I relied heavily on credit cards for every expense - food, clothing, bills, rent, everything.
The Income Support claim was finally accepted / commenced July 07 but only backdated for 6 weeks.
Also, due to complications regarding kids spending similar amounts of time with both parents - my Income Support was reduced from £60pw to £35pw.

I challenged decisions, appealed, pleaded but no luck. I flatly refused to change the joint residence arrangement that was working well for my children just to simplify a benefit claim - I desperately had to get a job ASAP.

It was suggested I hand over full custody to mother and relocate to find work elsewhere!!

I've never heard of a mother being 'suggested' to hand over her kids to the dad because she's struggling on benefits so why should I??

Dec 07. I pleaded with the Income Support to reconsider raising my pitiful £35pw benefit as credit card debts were approaching £10k.

Refused again.

Mid Dec 07. Rushed to hospital with chest pains / heart concerns. Kept in.

Jan 08 was placed on a 9 month waiting list for a heart procedure - no chance of work now as heart considered unstable.

July 08. Income Support eventually agree to pay the full Income Support and raise my benefit from £35pw to £60pw - after 16 months.

Sept 08. Given all clear from hospital and deemed fit to return to work with £17k debts over 2 credit cards.

Job seeking since Sept has been dismal and prospects of work and potential earnings from minimum wage work looks alarming.

Until now, I've desperately tried to avoid bankruptcy but my extended health-scare has made me less concerned about the consequences of my bad debt - I need to stay alive for my kids!!

Following a strict budget via the CAB and a Debt Charity - I'm going to struggle with the proposed £2 per month to each credit card.
They've refused to accept offer and threatening Debt Collection Agencies.

I'm in a rented house, no money, assets, car and no signs of work in the bleak foreseeable future.

Do I throw in the towel, go bankrupt and then commit myself to the re-training I've been trying to avoid in favour of a wage???

Certain family members / friends accuse me of being a fool by agreeing to 'sharing' the children with the ex.
The financial implications have cost me dearly but my boys are happy and thriving so I wouldn't change a thing.

Any helpful comments would be greatly appreciated.
Any unhelpful comments would be equally appreciated providing they're funny!!!

I haven't lost my sense of humour!

dalip

Good one thing you must never let go of is a sense of humour:D .

Well done in stcking to your guns about your boys.

BC is a last resort but from what you have just written looks like you are at it. The decision is yours and yours alone.

We will help you through all the forms,OR interview ect and be there for you when you need to vent,offload or just need a chat. We are a nice bunch who can totally relate to what you are going through as we have gone through,going through,,thinking of going through it too..

So keep posting.Dx

So_Sad_Angel

Gosh Dooood ( have I got the right number of `o`s there??)

What a post.....it feels good to get it all out on the page/screen does`nt it!! reading it made me remember my first time (( posting that is!!)

Anyway humour over & welcome to the world of BR.

Have you discussed BR with your CAB advisor? £2 a month in token payments on 17k is never going to repay & as you say the chance of another job seems remote at the moment. Retraining however could make a life change that will put you back on track...trouble is that takes time & your creditors will start to get impatient.

Stick to your guns where the children are concerned...from what you say they are the priority along with your health & you need to sort the debt position so that you can move on with all your lives.

Again very well done for a great post!! There will be others out there that it will help & I look forward to following your progress.

Bigs Hugs Hun, Angexx

So_Sad_Angel

Ooooh Hi D...beat me to it again....you`re much too quick for me girl !!!x

I must learn to type quicker!!

Dooood

Thanks Dalip and Ange for your comments.

I must say, I'm impressed by the collection of stars and stripes under your names - have you tried pawning them?

I can't help be concerned about the long-term implications of bankruptcy - following my divorce, I seen an opportunity with my new-found independence to pursue career and business ambitions that my wife never supported throughout our marriage but I lost my job two days before my divorce settlement cheque arrived.
I hoped a job would fund a comeback and finance some ideas I have to eventually go self employed. I've attended meetings set up by the job centre for small business start up schemes / support - I've got a couple more to attend - Bankruptcy doesn't seem the best start to a business venture.

I may yet resign myself to meeting and marrying a 97yr old oil billionairess - but!!!..... I am not shallow enough to pretend to love a 97yr old billionairess just because she's rich - I will genuinely love her!!!

Do you know any??......preferably one who wishes to remain celibate!!!!!

Anyway, must get on with school uniforms and bed!!

Thanks anyway!

LOUISE22_2

What a lovely post, so sorry you have had it so tough, and i hope you are feeling well after being in hospital. tut, you would have thought the "system" would want to help a single dad. Its only my opinion, and like Dalip says the decision is yours and yours only, but wouldnt you rather start a fresh and be happy. You will get hounded by the creditors on such a little repayment plan and thats not going to be easy. I would do it. good luck, you deserve a bit of happiness! x

tigerfeet2006

Welcome to the board and well done on taking the steps you need to take to get your life back under control.

Have a good read through of the first post of the Bankruptcy Help sticky

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1056083

So_Sad_Angel

Dooood wrote: »

Thanks Dalip and Ange for your comments.

I must say, I'm impressed by the collection of stars and stripes under your names - have you tried pawning them?


I may yet resign myself to meeting and marrying a 97yr old oil billionairess - but!!!..... I am not shallow enough to pretend to love a 97yr old billionairess just because she's rich - I will genuinely love her!!!

Do you know any??......preferably one who wishes to remain celibate!!!!!

Anyway, must get on with school uniforms and bed!!

Thanks anyway!

Hi Doooooody

?? stars & stripes.....don`t get that sorry???

Also don`t know any 97 yr old billionairesses......but would be interested in a sugar daddy ....if there are any out there???:rolleyes:....age irrelevant !!!

How refreshing it is to hear a guy getting the kids ready for school tomorrow!! well done you!

Angexx

dalip

He is referring to our medals ange;)

OhDear

Hi Doooooooood,
It was very encouraging to read your post. I agree the whole benefits system is dreadful in it's penalizing of responsible single fathers! I know from experience how hard it is financially for a single father, when working / seeking work, and looking after 2 boys! It would appear that you have done the right thing by your sons, when the system doesn't help.

On the matter of retraining and/or starting a business, BR (if you decide that route) would not necessarily prevent that, although that depends on what kind of work/business you are considering. There are some professions that BR would rule out, but not many. For many posters on here, BR has been used as a new start, an opportunity to train, or consider a totally new line of work. Debt can be very restrictive in one's thinking. So if the advice from the debt charities is to consider BR, it is not out of the question to start something new. In addition to my own business, I'm looking at taking some very different work at min wage. It's something I've wanted to try for a while, but debt would have meant that at min wage, I would have had to work about 18 hours a day!

Anyway, I'm not saying BR is a bed of roses, but that if that is the advice for your individual circumstances, then it may be the new start that you are seeking.

All the best with your boys, mine are now 19 and 20.:eek:

OD

Dooood

Hi Ange

I must admit, when you've just finished throwing together 2 packed lunches and, loaded the school bags and ready to shoot out the door only to find the 10yr old still wearing only his bath towel and watching TV beside his school uniform - I have to remind myself how lucky I am...... after I've calmly suggested he just grabs his uniform and he can get dressed in the car of course!! LOL.

I can often have pangs of bitterness and stress regarding my financial situation / unemployment but it doesn't take long to appreciate my boys - their health, happiness and how fortunate I am to have them in my life. When I was last working, my ex was filing for divorce and custody with plans to relocate hundreds of miles away from me with the kids. When I got the kids - she stayed local - and now we share!!

Faced with losing your kids, bankruptcy ought to be much easier to deal with!