Marriage is over - how can i sort things financially

Puzzledbubbles

Hi All,

Im really hoping someone can help so i can stop driving myself nuts with worry - it was recommended that i post this here on the DFW board as well as the Marriages board.

Basically on the 11th of September my Husband asked me for space so i moved out for a few days to give him that space, he then said that he did not want to continue to work at our marriage and that as far as he was concenerned it was all over.

We had no joint assets - just a lot of debt - all of which is in my name (yes i was stupid but i was just 22 when we met, 23 when we got married and now im 26 and its all over)

I have 2 credit cards, one loan and and car finance. Now i was lucky that he signed the car over to me (previously car was in his name finance in mine) we have seperated things as follows;

Credit card 1 - £4,500 - i pay £100 per month
Credit card 2 - £2,500 - we pay £50 a month each
Loan - £11,000 start - 3 years left to run, current balance around the £8,500 mark - he pays £278 per month
Car finance - £8,000 start - 3 years left to run - I pay £209 per month

All of this money comes from our joint account, which i have been infomed i cannot close or leave without his consent.

Also the bills for the electricity, telephone and the joint car insurance policy comes from this account. He was supposed to have changed this over when he decided he was going to take on the tenancy on his own - but hasnt done so.

I emailed him yesterday asking him to change it over as soon as possible as i am worried that the companies will start chasing me for money if he doesnt pay (at the moment he is paying and the money is in the account ready to cover this months bills but he has a really bad track record - ironically i helped him sort out all of his finances so that he could build a good credit rating again!!!!

I have thought about asking him to pay the money for the debt into my account, but he has started causing problems with his family (who want to stay in touch with me) and is starting to get vindictive and telling lots of lies so i really dont think he will.

As the debt is in my name can i arrange for the payments to come straight from his bank?

Can i remove myself from the account and seperate our finances?

Can i remove myself from the bills and make sure he is held responsible?

Any advice would be appreciated, thanks to this site i have been through my finances and have been able to fine somewhere to live, ive budgeted for rent (living with friends) and food etc, and the debt and ive started some savings up to cover car tax etc and still have a bit of spare cash for myself.

Thanks Puzzled

immoral_angeluk

Hey hun. Didn't want to read and run as I've just gone through a marriage breakup myself.
The best advice I can give you is to try and stay as amicable as possible as solicitor involvement etc can get very very messy and expensive. Are you working? Are there any children involved?

Puzzledbubbles

immoral_angeluk wrote: »

Hey hun. Didn't want to read and run as I've just gone through a marriage breakup myself.
The best advice I can give you is to try and stay as amicable as possible as solicitor involvement etc can get very very messy and expensive. Are you working? Are there any children involved?

Thanks IA - i quite often read your posts and am thank ful you took time to help little old me.

I am working and there are no children involved, so far its all amicable in that he has agreed to pay half and has been doing so, my main worry is that all of the bills are in my name still.

I dont want to push things to hard, it was completely his decision that we broke up and im still in love with him (as stupid as that sounds) I am also close to his family and dont want to rock the boat.

My main worry is that he runs up massive bills on the joint acount and that he just stops paying - if he does i have no choice but to go to a solicitor as the minimum payments on everything would leave me around £100 a month for living expenses, petrol, rent etc.

I guess i might be best off leaving everything how it is for the moment, he has made payments for the last 2 months ........... but i dont know how long that will continue for

Lula-Hula

Hi Puzzled & sorry to hear your news

Well done for the steps you've taken so far. Sorry I'm not able to answer your questions but just wanted to offer a bit of support & I'm sure clever knowledgeable people will be along soon.

If I think of anything clever I'll let you know but in the meantime take care of yourself & good luck

lula xx

immoral_angeluk

Puzzledbubbles wrote: »

Thanks IA - i quite often read your posts and am thank ful you took time to help little old me.

I am working and there are no children involved, so far its all amicable in that he has agreed to pay half and has been doing so, my main worry is that all of the bills are in my name still.

I dont want to push things to hard, it was completely his decision that we broke up and im still in love with him (as stupid as that sounds) I am also close to his family and dont want to rock the boat.

My main worry is that he runs up massive bills on the joint acount and that he just stops paying - if he does i have no choice but to go to a solicitor as the minimum payments on everything would leave me around £100 a month for living expenses, petrol, rent etc.

I guess i might be best off leaving everything how it is for the moment, he has made payments for the last 2 months ........... but i dont know how long that will continue for

I understand completely. It's so hard when you've got emotions tied up in all the practical stuff. What helped me what making lists and keeping a practical head about things. Fact of the matter is relationship do end, you're not alone. God knows there enough people on this board at the moment going through exactly the same things. I would say he following things are priorities for the moment.

Find yourself somewhere to live.
Open a new bank account and move over your bills.
Seeking advice re: the debt etc from the CAB.
Have your name taken off the joint accounts.
Start to process the breakup emotionally.


The rest will come with time. If you need help with the practical side of things there are mediation services who deal with couples splitting up and they can help you sort out the practical and finanical sides of things. Some charge, some don't so it's worth a google.

The main thing, however is take care of yourself. With the stress of everything when my marriage ended I lost a stone in weight in one single week... so I can't stress enough to make sure you look after yourself. If you need help, ask for it and don't be afraid to call upon family and friends for support.

RAS

Hi

I assume from what you say that he has his own bank account already?

If so, you need to get the bank to agree that any debits on the joint account have to bear both signatures. That stops him running up additional debts for which you would become liable.

Do this as amicably as possible - it also stops you running up debts for which he could become liable.

transfer the car finance and CC1 to your own account and seriously consider selling the car and getting a cheaper one so you can pay off the CC for which you have sole responsibility.

Puzzledbubbles

Thanks for the support guys!!

I've telephoned both the electricity company and BT today, the electricity company have said they need his authorisation to remove me but that they have noted the account so that as soon as he rings up to change it over they can remove my name.

BT is more complicated as its in contract until January, if we cancel it before that we are liable, if we let it run then he can just take it over straight away so ive sent him an email saying all that.

Also asked him what he wants to do about the joint account and whether he will commit to paying his share of the debt direct to allow me to seperate our finances.

Just got to wait and see now!!!

Thanks so much for your advice IA -

I am lucky in that a good friend had a room to rent in a shared house so ive got somewhere to live (was in there almost 2 weeks after i left so am almost settled now)

We kept our own accounts seperate so i have everything apart from the "joint" debt going out of my account along with all of the new bills.

I have spoken to my local CAB and they have a drop in system so will take an afternoon of asap to go see them and will take everything with me.

Emotionally im feeling a bit low since i just had to explain to 3 complete strangers that my marriage is over. But im doing so many things now that he made difficult for me that im starting to see im better off, i know its silly but i just bought myself a DS, i know, i know, £100 i cant afford really. But i wanted one 6 months ago and was going to use my savings until he said that it was stupid and wouldnt let me - savings then got spent on HIS car.

Its a silly little thing but im winning back my independence and having a ball with mates - its just the nights on my own that are bad - but i know with time it will all get better.

Thank you so much for the advice - i know i waffle on, gonna go home now and pull myself together lol

x

RAS

Hi again.

have you got yourself moved on the electoral roll yet? Affects your credit rating.

Puzzledbubbles

RAS wrote: »

Hi

I assume from what you say that he has his own bank account already?

If so, you need to get the bank to agree that any debits on the joint account have to bear both signatures. That stops him running up additional debts for which you would become liable.

Do this as amicably as possible - it also stops you running up debts for which he could become liable.

transfer the car finance and CC1 to your own account and seriously consider selling the car and getting a cheaper one so you can pay off the CC for which you have sole responsibility.

Thanks Ras, i didnt think about asking for the joint account to be co-signed on any loans or overdraft etc - i will go and see them on Saturday!!

I would love to sell the car but as its on finance there is more money left to pay back than the car is worth so if i did that i would be almost £2,000 out of pocket (that i would need to pay back as well as buying a new car) The joys of finance!!!!!

I was kinda hoping that if i left everything going through the joint account that it would all run smoother as he can see that im paying my share too but i will seriously think about moving it!

Thank you for the advice!

Puzzledbubbles

RAS wrote: »

Hi again.

have you got yourself moved on the electoral roll yet? Affects your credit rating.

I did sign on the electoral role at my new house because someone came and knocked on the door - will have a google and will see if that automatically removes me from the other address.

Thank you!!!

Puzzledbubbles

Scratch that - our local council website hasnt been updated on the electoral role side since 2005 - will call the council on Monday to check