Leaving relationship and debt responsibilty.

liss90

Hello all,
I urgently need some advice and if this is the wrong board please direct me to the right one - sure I need to go to about six of the boards with my problems.
The story is ex of one week and I have been unhappy I would say 80% of the relationship. We have been together for just over 10yrs. I have an 18yr old from a previous relationship, he has two children (21 & 17 ) from first marriage. I have brought them up for the past 8yrs as their mother died. We also together have a 4yr old and a six month old. So lots of pressure over the years. The nail in the coffin has been to have a baby with reflux. Both had that moment of clarity when you realise its over. He then wanted to stay together for financial reasons and then saw a financial adviser yesterday and realised he could pay the mortgage on his own. So now the pressure is on for me to get out with my babies and 18yr old. He has started to look at rental properties for me! Anyway we are in a mess financially. we have a huge mortgage with very little equity, a loan grant from the council, a £3k over draft and £5k outstanding on a sainsburys loan. I am on maternity leave at the moment and only earn £6k per year working part-time for 16hrs per week. He earns £26.5 k per year. He is telling me I have to pay half the debts off, borrow a deposit from my parents for a rental property, he is doing me a favour by taking on the mortgage but I will need to pay some money to get out of the mortgage, he will only pay me what he can afford for the children, I can't have any furniture only childrens stuff. We have a catalouge debt for £175. He has told me we can halfs on that and he will keep the stuff - don't understand the reasoning behind that. I will walk away with nothing and debts. I don't want anything from the house in the future. All I have asked is that a clause is put in so the two youngest recieve 15% of the profit after mortgage is taken away. He is refusing saying that he will do it but I will have to trust rather than put it in writing.

Now I am happy to pay half the debts but I have such a low income that I don't know what they would take. Everything is currently paid upto date but I am scared witless. I have not got the energy to fight this - anyone who has had a reflux baby will know it is awful. I am trying to hold it together but am getting that nervous sick feeling iykwim.
Any ideas anyone?
Thanks,
Liss.x

carrottopsuk

Obviously I'm only hearing half the story but I think you need to get some proper advice. It seems to be going all his way. Why is it you have to move?

SamanthaA

I can only offer :grouphug: and sympathy.
I know adults with reflux & for child it has to be terrifying!

The only thing I can suggest is the CAB, his financial advisor may have given him clarity on the money, but not on fairness!

I dont think a solicitor would allow you to go through the mill like he wants!

Dont agree to anything & PLEASE dont sign anything thats put in front of you!
Hopefully, CAB can find you a solicitor, and quickly!

liss90

Because I can not afford the mortgage on my own. It is £700 per month. He said at first he would pay for a few months and then I would have to pay it after that.

immoral_angeluk

The debts in the eyes of the law will be split dependant on who's name in on the debt. Joint debts would have to be split equally and you would be solely liable for any debts in your name only. I would suggest you go speak to someone like the CAB. :grouphug:

Gemmzie

Sorry but you're the parent of his two small children so you do not have to leave the marital home.

Benefits wise, if you're working 16 hours then you will get Working Tax Credit and Childcare paid while you're at work if their dad can't take them.

I think you should make an appointment with your local CAB and get some legal advice through them.

carrottopsuk

I still think you need to get proper advice. You've got a four year old and a six month year old. You cannot afford to leave the house and leave them without a home. There may be help that you can get that you're not aware of. Please do as Samantha suggests.

liss90

I went to CAB today and they have given me a solicitors number. The problem I have is that I have a 4yr old and 6mth old. I can't get there till next week as 4yr old is getting upset now and don't really want to discuss anything in front of him.
Don't want to bankrupt the man but he is not being fair. I feel like I am being kicked in the teeth after bringing up his children and ours. The house will be worth something one day and I have suggested he goes onto an interest only deal for a while so he can at least pay a fair amount of money for the children. He is refusing would rather have the house taken away.
I guess I am trying to find out if I would have to pay huge amounts each month or would they make it easier for me.
I am having a real panic here.x

Rikki

(((Big hugs))) You will find plenty of emotional support on here. Many of us have tales of woe and are battle scared too. Just moan and here and will will listen unconditionally.

I also agree with the people above. You need proper sound advice and your first point of call should be the CAB. Give them a call and make an appointment if you can.

He is being very unfair and you need to find out exactly where you stand BEFORE you agree to anything.

liss90

Sorry should of added - we are not married. His first wife left him with the children and went to France. She put the key through the letterbox. Sorry I am a bit all over the place at the moment.

steve0793

Hi there - My advice to you is to get some proper legal advice and do it quick.

Because of your income you maybe entitled to legal aid ??

Im no expert on the topic, but did go through a nasty divorce a couple of years ago and my ex was very clear on what she wanted and what I should get - on seeking legal advice I found she was way off the mark.

Try not rush into making decisions, dont be bullied. Get some advice and try not to panic. Things may take some time to sort out, but you will get there
Take care