Its all gone pete tong... :(

locutus2003

I'd just echo what others have said here - £8500 is a LOT of money.

I got married 16 years ago - in a church, with the reception at the hotel. I hired my wedding dress (because, oddly, I've never needed to wear another off-white crinoline dress ) and we got the cake from Waitrose (where, at the time, we also got discount). We only had 50 people (of which a vast majority were DH - huge immediate family (7 brothers and sisters!) and only immediate family - only friend was my best friend who was my maid of honour. Had an evening do - but no food (mum was horrified but I wasn't paying out whatever it was (can't remember now) per head for a few sarnies). Biggest expense was the photos - although I expect these days with digital if you get enough people taking photos you can pick the best anyway (I actually preferred the family photos rather than the photographers on the whole).

A friend of mine got married in the registry office and had her reception in the pub - that was about 15 years ago and they're still going strong.

However, your wedding is your (and your fiance's) day ... but it is ONLY a day. Do what's right for you - but £8500 seems a lot to me ...

MYLITTLESISTERLOLA

We got married in Jamaica in March this year, total cost including 2 weeks in the sun, ceremony, dress, spending money and outfits for me, husband and 4 year old was £5000
we had 6 guests who all paid their way, we didn't even have to worry about food or drink as we were all inclusive, if i could do it over again i wouldn't change a thing
My dad decided not to go and my husband mum nor dad could go due to ill health but they were happy for us, no-one likes the thought of their loved ones getting in debt for 1 day, good luck whatever you chose

Miss_314

Hi there MrsPitcher. I hope you don't mind me responding to this but you say that the wedding food alone is going to cost £8,500 at your chosen venue?? :eek:

That's a heck of a lot. What is your budget for the rest of the wedding, if you don't mind me asking? I work in a hotel and we hold weddings there nearly every week (more so in the summer months than now, obviously) and from my experience of working during these weddings, the more fancy and elaborate the wedding is, the more miserable the bride usually looks. I hope I don't offend you, it's just that fancy/showy weddings usually come with a lot of pretense; i.e. a lot of waiting about for photographs/speeches/string quartets to start up at the exact right moment and trial runs of everything for the guests before the bride even gets there. I'm not saying that all brides/grooms/guests at these sorts of wedding look miserable (this is only from my experience, of course), they do have a nice time (so they say) it's just that I've observed the less formal weddings too and those are the ones where the guests are having a really good time up dancing/larking about with the bride and groom and really wishing the couple well and giving them a day to really remember.

A cousin of mine had a really big wedding to the tune of £17,000 (!) in a big hall with a fancy band (yes, the string quartet too) and rich gout-inducing food. Though it was a nice day and the bride looked lovely, the couple had lots of demands on their time for what I see as unnecessary formalities in a wedding and barely had any time to spend together. In comparison, my uncle got married to his second wife 'on the cheap' to the tune of £1,000 and IMO that was a much better wedding. Yes, it was in a registry office with an evening function in their local pub with just a buffet for the guests that the bride's sister arranged; but what everybody really says when we remember that wedding was not what the bride was wearing or what the venue looked like (I honestly don't remember that stuff) but it was the look on my uncle's face as his bride walked down the aisle (he actually started crying he was that happy) and how much fun everybody had back at the pub later. the party went on until the small hours and all of their family and friends were able to fit in time to talk to them and neither of them stopped smiling or laughing the entire night.

I'm sorry for the long ramble but the point I'm really trying to make is it's not about what you spend on a wedding; that won't really make the day better (especially if you have to get into debt to do it). It's about being with the person you love and having the support of your loved ones around you. Friends and family really won't care what you spend on the wedding and won't think bad of you if you do it 'on the cheap' like my uncle or even really lavishly like my cousin. When they think back to the day all they'll really remember is how happy you and your fiance were and what a great time they had. It doesn't really take £8,500 worth of food to achieve this. Have you paid a deposit already on this venue? If not, then maybe you should look about and see if you can find cheaper somewhere else? Or even if you have, it still may work out better to cut your losses and run? Find a new caterer/venue that even with the deposit paid on the first would still save you money?

Also, for dresses and things, I stand by what other people said about Ebay but you may also want to have a look at Oxfam. They have speciality wedding dress shops that brides have donated to and sell worn-once wedding dresses for a fraction of their original cost (some designer dresses can be found there too, apparently). I think there are only a few of there shops in the country, but it may be worth travelling to one for a look? Their website gives the addresses.

The cake could be another saving. I know that some cakes can retail in at close to £1,000 or even more for the more elaborate ones but you can pick up a really cheap set of separates from your local Tesco for about £40/50 altogether which are plain white and then can be decorated in the style of your choice once you get them home. I've seen a few couples do this at the hotel I work at and it works; you can't really tell how cheap/expensive it is.

I hope that I haven't offended you in any way with my views on weddings; I wish you and your fiance the best of luck with saving for your 'dream day', however much you choose to spend on it. It's your choice after all. In the meanwhile, you could maybe pop up your SOA so the really good people of this site could have a look and see if they can make you some savings for now?

Miss_314

RAS

Hi

I agree

You do not need a huge mega-do that is enormouslyy expensive. One of the best wedding I attended was a real family affair.
the bride was in a mega posh dress but the bridesmaid were reasonably priced evening dresses. A friend offered them a horse and carriage as a wedding present.

They hired the local community hall, very plain but beautifully decoreated with a canopy made from coloured paper streamers (like the old christmas decorations) in colours that matched the details on the bride's dress. Add some helium balloons tied onto little sandbags covered in the same material and a good buffet and everyone was delighted.

They spent hours and hours as a family making things and preparing things to decorate the hall and they and friends spent the whole of the previous day decorating it and it was fabulous.

Another event was posh, for immediate family with sit down meal costing several hundreds. It was followed a couple of months later by a vast party at a sports club for friends and extended family. They received nearly enough in gifts to pay for the whole do.

MrsPitcher2b

Ok let me just see if this works. My SOA?



Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1400
Partners monthly income after tax....... 1001

Total monthly income.................... 2401

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 250

Electricity............................. 40
Gas..................................... 40
Water rates............................. 40
Telephone (land line)................... 25
Mobile phone............................ 45

Internet Services....................... 30
Groceries etc. ......................... 200
Petrol/diesel........................... 150
Car Insurance........................... 111




Total monthly expenses.................. 931


Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Credit Cards...................2300......50........0
Car Finance....................5500......196.......0
Total unsecured debts..........7800......246.......-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 2,401
Expenses (including secured debts)....... 931
Available for debt repayments........... 1,470
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 246
Surplus(deficit if negative)............ 1,224



Thank you everyone for your comments, that 8500 is for 80 day guests - the minimum requirement for a weekend wedding. Any extra guests will be 55 per person on top! We have already put a deposit down on it so H2B is a bit 'uneasy' about cancelling, and losing our 500 deposit, but then if we save money then so what. We did chose this because we wanted it to be the day of our dreams - we both dont fancy registry offices (no offence to anyone) but its just not us, and to be honest a lot of it is for us to show everyone how far we have come,t hat we are serious about each other and we arent broke - we used to have tons of debts, like 5 store cards, two loans, 2 sets of car finance for over 10grand each etc - and we have managed to clear it all just the last bit

I remember the snide comments my family made at one wedding we went to which followed an extravegant wedding the year before - and it was like it wasnt as worthy.

And yeh i suppose that is why we want to spend a good amount on the day - keeping up with the joneses.

My dress is bought and paid for, so are the reception decorations and bridesmaid dresses, rings and accessories, DJ and toastmaster come in with the venue so thats one less thing to worry about.

The problem is, we live in London so actually this was the cheapest venue we could find (apart from some places i couldnt even describe they were so dirty) So on average they are looking at about £80-£125 per head! We tried to do all that cut out the evening buffet and have a late ceremony - but you can only do this mon-thursday and with work commitments thats hard, we tried to cut out desert and serve our cake - but venue wasnt having any of it!! I know it is an awful lot of money which is why i want to cancel to be honest, but there doesnt seem to be any alternatives

I found one venue where you hired it from friday to sunday and it cost 3500 to hire, and then you had to get your food etc - when you work out the cost of the food, drinks etc this came to more than the 8500. (Maybe i should have mentioned this 8500 includes welcome drinks, bottle of wine per person, toast wine, toastmaster and dj, 3 course meal and buffet in the evening) I tried to find it cheaper on our own but we couldnt, even with a booze cruise to france! Plus with doing it yourself you have to go and set it all up etc before its ready - and organise people to serve, move the tables yourself at the evening etc - im just not sure how it works?


I would love to have a wedding under 5k - was debating whether to do a 'last minute' deal, because you can get these for about 2k-4k and then thats it?

Mozette

it's not the wedding that matters, it's the marriage. £8,500 on food? have a real think about your priorities.

MrsPitcher2b

Oh i dont no if i done that above right but the minimum payments on the credit card isnt what we pay - we paid 850 this month, and also owed me mum 300 for rent from this month we just left - so although that looks like we have loads left, we dont!!

And - i just found this

http://www.heatworld.com/Article/7790/Oh.+My.+God.+You+HAVE+to+see+these+wedding+photos%E2%80%A6

£100k wedding?!! Goes to show money aint everything!!!