Dilemma/matter of pride....arggh!

moanymoany

Lilith1980 wrote: »

Moanymoany - I know, it is ridiculous. We have nowhere to go where we live so the nearest town where all our mates are is 15 mins away so we end up having to get a cab on the way home which is about £10 so its £10 before we even start drinking.

We do need to cut down. I don't know how its £640 but that's what it was one month. One of our closest mates owns a pub so people are out there regularly. My hubby is one of these who needs to go out and be a part of things whereas I don't mind staying in and watching TV. The problem is, if I start doing that to save money then how is that fair if he is out living it up down the pub?

So I need to sit us both down and tell him how much quicker we could be out of debt if we cut our entertainment spending.

You have my sympathy. With OH amd me it was me who used to fritter money away. We still saved and had no debts, but when I think back I cringe!

The magic 'light bulb moment' has to come from inside and I see your point about fairness.

I've also done a few sums and that amount is probably only three nights out a week which doesn't seem to much taken a night out at a time!

Until he sees the debt as a problem he won't be able to deal with it.

annamc75

It is important that both of you are pulling in the same direction - there is no point doing surveys and stuff when you are thowing money away on nights out - surely there is more to life.
You might well need to sit down and talk about long term goals (and life after debt free as it wont take you long to get there) to get you to spend your money wisely. Maybe even think about saving for big things.
Just because you have got yourselves into the habits of silly spending doesnt mean that you cant break the cycle.

Good luck

miggy

Hi, there are some good suggestions already, and obviously you could make a massive difference by changing what you spend on entertaining, but looking at the whole thing, it seems the two of you are taking very different approaches to finances. You remind me of a couple I know well who at one point were in financial problems, and it was the wife who was 'money aware'. Her husband thought that his spending, for instance on magazines for his hobbies, was all small expenditures and so didn't amount to much. However, it was adding up to over £500 a year on magazines alone.
They made some changes and a few years down the line are affording four foreign holidays a year! Though of course not all paid for by cutting back on magazines :rotfl:
What I am saying is that if your husband sat down and played games with the demotivator on this site, he might see things differently? Perhaps you could ask for his help to 'raise' a set sum through not spending for a month or so - maybe keep a log of it and make it a fun challenge.
He might appreciate you asking for help, makes him feel valued etc.
Having said that, in another couple I know there were problems with money because the husband felt he 'had' to have certain things to prove he was successful. I don't know if your husband is like this, or perhaps feels he deserves a treat (e.g. taxi to work). He is obviously a social bunny so, unless you both hate cooking, how about asking friends round for a meal once a week? That way you save on food bills as well as fares, and you need only ask one or two people at once. Doesn't matter whether it's a 'proper' dinner or popcorn and a DVD, use it as an opportunity to spend 'quality time' together. You might get asked back and get an evening out for the price of a bottle of vino plus fares too.
There are other things you can do that would cost less - get all healthy and take up hiking, for instance. Also why not sign up for mystery shopping in the hope you will get some meals out for free, and maybe discover some good resturants on the way?
If you can both get on board with this it will be much easier.
And well done for putting in all the work on clicks and your SOA, it shows you have the strength to overcome those debts, and you'll get there given time.

Lilith1980

Thanks guys

Well I spoke to hubby last night and seems I got his income wrong and that he takes home £1,500. He was drawing out an extra £200 a month due to being skint but that's not happening now as they have just started employing two new people.

He agrees that we spend too much, although he does think we should still be able to go out seeing as we earn money. Yes, this is true but not quite to the extent that we are spending it.

Hubby has agreed to help me with my credit card repayment which is good

I said that I am going to have to cut down on going out and I was fed up of throwing my money down the drain. Hubby agrees on cutting down on going out but that if he did want to go out twice in one week and I didnt then I wasn't to get upset by him going out on his own. Not quite sure what to make of that - the only reason I'd be upset is if he came home saying he'd spent £50 in one night. A night alone gives me time to study!

I'm not sure how on board with this he is....I think he is getting the message. He pulled out a load of stuff we can put on ebay (old books, DVDs etc) which is good. But he doesn't understand why we need to eat value brands from the supermarket (I see no difference in taste unless my palette isnt as refined as his - he likes his junk food by the way!). Seeing as I'm the one who does all the shopping and the cooking, and so far in October I have spent £87 on shopping, I think we are doing better than we were before. Maybe hubby is a bit of a snob?! lol

I'm doing the right thing though arent I? I feel like a nag and after initially getting annoyed at me for being so obsessed with money, hubby could see it was stressing me and he said we'd sort it out.

Jesthar

Hey Lillith,

Glad OH is starting to come on board, even if he still needs work!

Simple solution to the 'value brand' problem - don't tell him! :rotfl: You do the shopping and cooking, so unless he notices a huge difference, he'll be none the wiser...

TBH, though, I don't buy much in the way of value brands, and I still only spend about £80 max on supermarket shopping - and that only if I need to stock up on coffee (on offer, of course ). This month I'm on course for about £50, I think. . I do by cheaper cuts of meat (brisket, lamb shoulders) as I have a lovely slow cooker to do them in, which means they taste even better than the more expensive cuts. My last lamb shoulder cost me about £3.50 (for just over 1kg) on offer, and the meat lasted me for 7 meals! Contrast this with having, say, a couple of good size lamb chops each - that would also cost around £3.50, but for only one meal! :eek:

As to going out, do you just go to the pub/clubs? I have to confess, this has never been my scene, but have you thought about trying something different? I used to go to Salsa clubs - used to cost me about £6 for an evening out if I didn't buy a drink, and it's great fun! Or you could go to the cinema instead, and smuggle in your own refreshments - I'm doing that with friends tonight!

Failing that, give him £20 to play with for an evening out, and tell him if he overspends on that, he's walking home... I think the telling thing, though is his attitude towards going out - he seems to see it as a 'right', not a treat. IF you have no debts and plenty of money to spare, then that's not so bad (although still not the best approach to life!). However, although he obviously has the money to spare, he does have debts, and the longer he ignores those the longer they will take and the more they will cost to pay off. Did you have a play with the snowball calculator? maybe if you showed him how much faster he could clear his debts, and how much he would save by doing so, it might help him!

~Jes

Lilith1980

Hi Jes

Well I don't tell him about value brands but he must sneak a look in the cupboards. I dont taste the difference at all, and I'm not about to buy brands just to please him. He can go and get them himself - I'm sure me and him will have a war of words over brands soon lol

We go to pubs (cant stand clubs). I have suggested we go salsa dancing funny enough as its good exercise and its something we can do together (we dont go out often on our own) but hubby's not into it so I'm at a loss at what else we can do. We go to the cinema now and then but that's not cheap either.

I will have to look at the snowball calculator but I dont feel he's really prepared to look at getting his debt paid off asap. He said he's accepted he'll probably spend the rest of his life in debt - something which I don't want happening (to me anyway).

It might need me to keep "chipping away" at him.

£20 on a night out - that's wishful thinking. I think he'd give up and just stay indoors if I gave him a £20 limit! :rotfl:

Oh I dont think I mentioned that we both smoke (and I think I forgot to include those figures in the SOA) and last night I got home and threw away my packet of cigarettes. I'm so angry that in amongst all these money worries, I've continued to waste my money on those things. So, I havent had a ciggy all day today . I've had a few wobbles but my anger at how much money I have thrown down the drain with those things is spurring me on.

Hubby on the other hand is very half-hearted about it - he said last night he'd have to give up smoking too and I did say he had to be realistic because I know for a fact he doesnt want to give up.

Anyway, one thing at a time. From next month I'll be able to pay more than the minimum on my credit card and hopefully start to make a dent in the debt

Jesthar

Hmmm, maybe you could try getting your man to play with the famous Demotivator - could give him a well-needed shock!

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/protect/demotivator/

Oh, and :T well done :T on giving up ciggies - try putting that into the Demotivator and that should help keep you off them, as well as the health benefits, of course!

~Jes