Feel so guilty

kken

At the moment i am in the process of sorting out a dmp through cccs but feel so guilty about the effect our overspending is now going to have on our kids. Admittedly, i know that the vast majority of the debt has come from spending on them (I had a difficult childhood due to my fathers income problems and always had to go without and so subconciously i think i have been determined that my kids would have lovely holidays and memories) I know this was irresponsible and i am now paying for it.
In addition, my daughter has had chronic health problems which will mean she will have to have a kidney transplant sometime in the future so i have always tried to arrange nice things for her to look forward to after another bout in hospital.
Trouble now is that she has just started college on a musical theatre course(a highly coveted place which we were so proud she got with having her health problems and fighting her dyslexia to get enough gcse's to get in) but we have had to tell her she cant go to the refactory at lunch like her friends, she has to take a packed lunch and they often arrange trips we cant afford to send her on. Most of her friends get EMA each week (30 quid) so are ok but we are over the income threshold even though we have no extra money due to debts. I know people will say she is old enough to get a part time job but she is totally exhausted when she gets home and has loads of coursework. She doesnt complain but i feel so guilty especially as she has been through so much. Sorry this is long and rambling and probably irrelevant but needed to sound off.
Thanks

whitewing

Morning kken,

The effect that your overspending is going to have on your kids is that they are going to understand the value of money, how to budget, what not to do, and how much you truly love them.

They are also going to know that you have jobs that are paid well, so there is no reason why they shouldn't in the future. They will know that you are human, and that humans make mistakes. They will know that you can learn from mistakes and that making life better is about attitude.

But they will only know any of this if you communicate openly and honestly within the family. Best of luck with it all.

milliemonster

Hi Kken, please try not to feel guilty, your daughter sounds very grounded and I understand perfectly your reasons for your overspending in the past, most of our debt has accrued from me spoiling the kids and ensuring they don't go without (as I did when I was a child) and to be honest, I don't love my parents any less or have any less good memories from my childhood.

Your daughter will be fine, you can't give her everything, even though I know you want to but she won't love you any less and it's a good lesson in life that sometimes we can't have everything we want, your daughters health problems will put it all in perspective for her as good health is something we can't buy and she won't think anything of the fact she has to take packed lunches, that means nothing in comparison to getting the place at the college she has.

take care xx

Ames

Could she get DLA? Even if it's the lower rates it'd give her a bit of spending money. Sorry if you're already claiming it for her.