tell me to stop being stupid

facingthefuture

stop hiding and actually face it.....I am pathetic.My fault. How can I bring myself to look at this lot? Hubby self employed, near impossible to do a statement of affairs since the income part is so unpredictable. When it finally comes it goes on charges for being late.
That said, friend is very pregnant with a very sick baby. Gets it in perspective.
Hands are trembling even sifting through this stuff. Have to keep visiting the loo.
Whats that called again fight or flight?

ajaney

Hi FTF

Taking control is hard, but YOU CAN do it. The first steps are always the hardest - Once you start walking, its easier to keep going.

If you are trying to post your SOA, just do it the best you can & then we will help you knock it into shape.

petrafyde

Hiya,

Look through my posts until you find *Diary of a Reformed Ostrich* (its ok to laugh at the title lol) Have a read. It's my diary - similar to what you're saying now. Thing is, there are ways out.

What does hubby do? Would he not consider working for someone else intead to gain a regular income? Does he know how worried you are?

fizz190

... but I refuse to call you stupid! And you're not pathetic either.

I've been there, as have most people on this board. By asking for help you've already taken a very important step. Well done

I think you need to get some professional advice about your situation. Have you contacted CCCS or National Debtline. They are very helpful.

Another poster has had some very helpful resonses to issues with self employment, you might find it useful to have a look http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1219217

If you can't do a SOA which takes into account your income, why not do one for just your outgoings to start off with. Even this should help you/us to see where cut backs can be made and can arm you with important information about how much you need to be earning (and then maybe think about how to achieve this consistently)

Good luck
Fizz

Gemmzie

We've all been there, don't panic, have a cuppa and take five. Then we can help you start building an SOA (http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html is a great starting point).

We have the same problem with erratic income, it makes things hard at first, but it can be done.

petrafyde

Whatever you want to do we're here

Miss_Piggy_2

Don't worry. We have all been there. When I was first getting in trouble with card etc I refused to admit even to myself how much I owed. Then I HAD to sit down and tot it all up and, I won't lie, it scared the pants off me.
Now a couple of years down the line I can see the total going down. Its not easy but its worth it.
Miss P
xx

SecretSquirrel88

Everyone on this board has been here and said that, now alot of them are well in control of their debt, and even debt free! Can you not try to post a SOA - I know its difficult as he is self employed, but you work it out from the lowest monthly payment he has received, that way it wouldnt be over stretching you and you would learn to 'survive' on the minimum and you will do it. You will think that you can't, I thought that we couldnt but now I can see light at the end of the tunnel and me and my partner will be debt free in 11 months time. Make yourself a cuppa tea and sit down and have a hard think about your SOA. Good luck xx

facingthefuture

had decided to move furniture around the living room there now.....a motley collection of stuff (all stuff I rescued from the dump). Its not that we have lived any high life but we could have done better.
Anyway thanks for the responses, you are all too good to be answering my plea. I really appreciate it. When I stop blubbing I will indeed start filing it to get it into order so I can understand it and do a soa of sorts.
Hubby isn't aware of everything because it would just leave him depressed and ruin our marriage. I do love him so much and feel I have let him down badly. I have financed our son at college far too much.He is still in dire straights (though hopefully less so after this week - gets first pay end of week.
I am now just going to start - yeuk.....

bathgatebuyer

You are not stupid and pathetic - you're just one of us!!! We've all been there / are there / getting out of there / on the recovery / slipping back / etc...............

Regardless of how bad things are, there will be someone on here who has had worse and will be more than willing to help you deal with whatever situation is making you feel like this.

Muggins here was £34K in debt about 4 years ago. Now I have £4K of debt and can see a way out. It's been a bit of a slog, but it's worth it to see the finish line.

Go on, join us!

bargainbetty

Stop blaming yourself, what else would parents do?? He's your husband's son too....

Once you realise where everything is, you must be honest with your husband. He won't stop loving you because there is a problem, but he might stop trusting you if he finds out aout the problem another way. He may be fretting too, and it might well be a relief to you both to get everything out in the open so you can deal with it together.

We've all been there... one way or another. I lost my job recently, and the thought of telling my mum was worse than trying to work out how long I can last without a job. She was surprisingly supportive (worried yes, loves me less, no) and pointed out I had been desperately unhappy there anyway and thinking of leaving for several months. She had a good point.

Good luck either way - the lovely people here will help you no matter what!!