What to do if I quit my job

CHARDONNAY_3

My father died in March and the following month I started my current job. I have tried to hold it all together but I have had a number of instances of absence due to depression. I have called in sick again today as I am full of cold and feel very run down. I work in a call centre and have to deal with difficult customers so I find it very stressful.

The problem is when I go back I will be on a disciplinary because I will have exceeded my 3 allowed instances of absence (I was warned about this last time I called in sick)

I am dreading going back - I hate the job and I am finding it difficult to cope with the stress. I was referred to a counsellor but the sessions have ended now and I feel a bit lost. I also don't have any real friends at work so feel very isolated.

I am so unhappy and I desperately want to leave but I have a few concerns. If I applied for other jobs I don't know how I would explain my reason for leaving or my poor absence record?

If anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated.

Thank you

username123_3

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I've been in a similar situation myself with a stressful job after my dad died and it sounds like you are having a very difficult time.

You need to give yourself the space you need to deal with what's happened and a job you hate with extra stress isn't going to be helping at all. In fact it sounds like it is making things very worse.

It is easy to tell yourself to pull yourself together and keep going but you could be doing way more harm than good in the long term.

I would advise you go to the doctor today if possible and explain how you are feeling and how stressful your job is. Explain you're not coping very well at the moment with the bereavement and feel you need some time to get your head together.

They should be very sympathetic and will most likely write you a sick note to stay off work for a couple of weeks. They will also be able to give you access to counselling or medication to get yourself feeling a bit better.

With a sick note you are not legally allowed to go back to work until it runs out - so they shouldn't be able to discipline you.

When my dad died I was in a job where someone was bullying me. I got a sicknote for several months because of my bereavement and stress. I found a new job in the interim and just put "family circumstances" as my reason for leaving in my job application form. It was the best thing I ever did and I'm sure if I'd stayed I'd have ended up having a breakdown.

The physical and emotional effects of bereavment can last 2 years or more and any extra stress will make things much worse.

Things can be intolerable but because we feel we should be able to cope we put ourselves through them. Do what you need to do for yourself. Go to the doctor and get yourself sorted. Take a friend or partner if you need support.

I'll be thinking of you.

CHARDONNAY_3

Thank you for your kind reply.

I know I should go back to the doctor's but he signed me on the sick for 2 weeks at the start of last month so I would feel really awkward going back again so soon and telling him I still can't cope.

I also really want to work as I feel worse if I'm not kept occupied, but I don't think I can cope with this job and I'm not sure I can manage full time hours.

I was able to see a counsellor through Occupational Health and I have had my shift pattern amended so I feel like I have already asked for more than enough from my manager considering I have only been there for such a short space of time.

I just feel so weak and worthless.

username123_3

Hi, I just replied to you in your other thread as I thought my reply hadn't worked and I wanted to reply to you!

Anyway, it is important to remember that you CAN go back to the doctor, and I think you should. If you had a rash which hadn't cleared up after treatment you'd go back, wouldn't you? Why is this different?

It is obvious you need some more time and more help to cope. Forcing yourself into a situation your mind and body can't deal with will make things a million times worse.

It takes a long time to deal with bereavement and it is easy to put pressure on yourself to suddenly "be ok" again. But this isn't how it works. You need time to adjust and grieve. Extra pressure from work isn't going to be helping either.
Go back to the doctor, get more time off and see if they can give you counselling.

Have you contacted cruse? They do free bereavement counselling and are very good. They might be worth a try.

There might also be support groups you could join. Your doctor will be able to give you details.

Don't keep trying to go on the way you have - take some time to reassess the situation and look after yourself.

Scaredy_Cat_3

Don't worry about going back to the Dr so soon - it would be harder to justify if there was a long gap in between and he may have assumed you were feeling better. This way you simply explain that you tried to cope and went back to work but now realise you just can't handle it.

I worked in a call centre and know exactly what you are going through - those places can be hell. For me, the customers weren't so bad, it was the constant monitoring and niggling from management if my call times were slightly too long because I'd actually tried to help the customer instead of fobbing them off like everyone else did!

If you are not coping with things, it really won't help to force yourself to carry on, it just means when you fall you will fall harder and further. There is no harm in getting a sick note and taking some time to come to terms with things and see where you want to go. I always thought it was unfair that if I had 3 migraines, meaning 3 days off work, that was treated just as bad as someone who had been off sick for a fortnight each time. It makes no sense.

I think you've been given some really good advice on this thread, and I like the idea of putting 'family circumstances' on an application form - you can then explain at interview that you had lost your father and had trouble coping but now you are better (which you will be by the time you apply for new jobs - assuming you do the sensible thing now and take some time out).

Good luck.

Sazzyukrafc

I was in an awful job earlier this year - I was ignored, no one talked to me all day, I was given no work, refused holiday days etc...when I found a new job and handed my notice in, they were even worse. I needed a day off to sign papers etc for my first house and they refused.

I went to HR with a letter complaining about their treatment and I was sent to my doctor straight away. I was diagnosed with stress and signed off for the rest of my notice period.

Don't worry about going back to your doctor. Explain how you're still stressed, they will understand and you will find many doctors get angry with work-related problems because it shouldn't be happening.

Hand your notice in, look for a new job - anything! - get to your doctors and tell him/her, and get out of there!

The_Edible_Dormouse

Can't really add more than the great replies above, except to say that you must go back to the doctor - don't ever feel you can't. I was bullied in a job a few years back, and my GP was a lifeline.

And you're not weak or worthless - you're grieving, and deserve kindness (and that includes from yourself!), and help.

Take care.

ED

Liz_the_Whizz

My sympathies Chardonnay - I remember all too well how fragile I felt when my Mum died 3 years ago.

Work can be a place of refuge when you lose a loved one. But you started your job at a very tough time, and being new, you didn't have the support of friends at work.

What you need to decide is whether your job is worth saving. It will be pretty stressful going through absence management procedures, but you could decide to stick it out and see what happens. Or you could cut your losses and get out now.

One thing I found helped when Mum died was going part-time, which my employer allowed me to do. It just gave me the space to get back on track. If finances allow and you decide to stay, you could ask your current employer if you could work reduced hours for a while. It's amazing how spending more time away from work than at work changes your whole perspective on life.

Good luck. Time does heal - 3 years on, I still think of my Mum everyday but life goes on and I am stronger because of her.

ilikedrawing

That is not a nice situation to be in at all. I am familiar with depression and know that having a job can help a lot of people because it makes you feel more worthwhile and means your not sat at home thinking about things, however i cant help feeling your job is only adding to your worry and stress.

You feel week and worthless..thats typical of depression. You are definatley definatley not! You are just going through bereavement and the depression it can bring. Soon you'll be able to remember your dad and smile at the memories, rather than crying.

If you leave your job then there are other, less stressful jobs you could do, even if it was for a short time whilst you overcome this bad time.

I wish you the best of luck and happy times for the future :T xxx

lobster123

So sorry to hear about your situation. Can I suggest that you contact the Shaw Trust https://www.shaw-trust.org.uk Tel: 0800 085 1001 for some information and advice. This organisation supports individuals who may be in danger of losing their job due to the fact that they have developed a health problem. They also work alongside your employer. I'm not sure if they are a UK wide organisation, but I know they have offices in Scotland. The website is quite informative.

Hope this helps.

scotnan

Can't really add much to the excellent advice you've already been given but agree that you really must go back to your doctor to get your sick leave extended - for as long as it takes for you to feel more able to cope with the thought of returning to work, whether this takes weeks or months this is what you must do or I'm afraid you're piling too much on yourself on top of your bereavement and your recovery will take longer.

Please believe that you are certainly neither weak nor worthless - you are in need of understanding and help to get you through this very difficult time.

Also don't be thinking that because your father's passing was months ago that you should be over it by now, grief doesn't work that way. There's no timescale for grief so (and I know it's an old cliche, but in this case it's true) you really have to just take each day at a time.

It really does get a bit easier as time goes on, the raw grief that you are experiencing now will subside as time passes and one day you will find yourself remembering something funny your dad said or did and you will smile to yourself - honest.

Just please don't try and rush this, you need to stay away from work till you feel more your old self again.

I'm sending you (hugs) because I understand what you're going through and remember that it really helped me at the time to know that other people have experienced this and knew what I was taking about.