Friend heavily in debt: total shock

Quasar

I am totally shocked by news a friend gave me over the weekend. He has a very well paid job (earns at least twice as me, and I'm not exactly on the breadline). He likes to live the high life and I always knew that his credit card balances must be at the £2-3,000 mark at any time.

However he has told me he needs to start checking his expenditure as he is in debt big time. He took out a £25,000 loan :eek: a year ago to pay off his cc but, as the story usually goes, then started running up the balances again. He now owes over £50,000. :eek:

The first word I said to him was "MSE" and duly explained. However he feels he can handle this on his own and I hope he does, but...

I don't see him very often, perhaps once every two or three months, so I don't think that nagging him would be very effective.

He is the sort of man who can't just have a £20 bottle of wine at a restaurant, but needs to go for the £100-£120. Enough said, perhaps, but I truly hope he curbs his extravagance. His job is very secure by today's standards, and if he is a bit careful he can pay this debt reasonably quickly and then have all that salary to himself.

He shares a flat (fully owned, no mortgage) with his partner who is not terribly supportive.

I'm not quite sure why I have come on here with all this, really, but I guess I just had to share it with somebody and this seems the obvious place. Now that I actually KNOW someone with that kind of debt, I find it rather hard to be so self-pleased about my own lack of it.

arkonite_babe

Hi Quasar,

I'll move this post over to debt free wannabe to see if you can get any advice for your friend there.

Martin’s asked me to post this in these circumstances: I’ve asked Board Guides to move threads if they’ll receive a better response elsewhere(please see this rule) so this post/thread has been moved to another board, where it should get more replies. If you have any questions about this policy please email [email="andrea@moneysavingexpert.com"]!!!!!![/email].

elona

Until your friend actually has what has been called the "lightbulb moment" then there is not that much that anyone else can do.

Quasar

elona wrote:

Until your friend actually has what has been called the "lightbulb moment" then there is not that much that anyone else can do.

Oh I entirely agree, elona! I think he has come out of denial because he has acknowledged the problem and has started to do something about it. Being a highly intelligent man, he has worked out for himself what expenditure needs to be reduced and what changes he need to make to his lifestyle.

All I can do really is to support him and praise him when he shows restraint. He also begins to feel he has wasted a lot of money which he could have put to savings. The flat is entirely owned by his partner, so he has nothing to show for all that debt, really.

Oh well, I shall keep raving about MSE to him, and maybe...

elona

quasar

I am sure you are doing this anyway but try not to preach- make it "Look what the saving is on this etc"

It is good to know your friend will have someone to talk to when he is ready to do so.

southernscouser

Why don't you email him this thread! He might then realise the severity of his problems!

Quasar

Thanks to both of you!

No Elona, I don't preach to anyone except on this site!!! I know his strengths and failings, and he responds better to "info" rather than sermons. For instance, "I heard I could save ... if I did/bought/went... must think about it..." and so on.

Southernscouser, if I emailed him this thread our friendship would end. He knows his situation and does not appreciate unwanted advice. I posted this simply to work off my surprise at his situation, but if he wants to deal with it alone, that's what he's going to do.

Anyway I did mention MSE to him and will bring this subject up again, simply by quoting some amusing post. The indirect approach works best with him.

Thanks anyway for "listening".