What can I use to bathe a kitten?

devoncat

My kitty is a rescue cat and maybe just a **little** inbred. She is as thick as a plank. Kitty doesnt know how to get out of the rain, much less clean herself. Kitty is long haired and gets VERY dirty, greasy, and smelly. I have had to wash her since she was a kitten and she now takes it in her stride.

I fill the kitchen sink with warm water and use kitty shampoo. Make sure you rinse well or they will lick soap when they groom themselves afterwards. I then towel dry and brush. Bath time is finished with kitty pouting until a couple of kitty treats are given and then everything is back to normal. Kitty doesnt like baths, but in seven years, I can only remember being scratched once and I think that had more to do with the arrival of another kitty!

jobbingmusician

I didn't write this. It isn't totally serious. But it is relevant....


Cat Bathing As A Martial Art

A Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength.

Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom.

If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)

B Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself.

I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.

C Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule.)

D Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo.


You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life.


E Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded.

Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy.

He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don't expect too much.)

F Next the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined.

In fact, the drying is simple compared with what you have just been through.

That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg.

You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.

In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you.

He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.

You will be tempted to assume he is angry.

This isn't usually the case.

As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath.

But at least now he smells a lot better.

ka7e

Alternatively....
Thoroughly clean the toilet.
Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids lifted.
Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I found to be quite effective.
Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
Stand behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift both lids.
The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside where he will dry himself.
Sincerely,
The Dog

"Disclaimer For Idiots
Please do not bathe your cat using these methods. They are intended to be humourous for anyone who has ever tried to bathe a cat and found them uncooperative."

amnesiac

careful, ka7e, you never know where the RSPCA Thought Police might be lurking - off to special secure quarantine with you

Penny-Wise_4

Our cat had to wear an Elizabethan/lampshade collar for a couple of weeks and did get a bit sweaty & smelly. She is usually a very clean cat (she actually had to wear the collar because of a lesion she got through over-grooming).

We gave her a dust bath with porridge oats and she rather liked it. I think you are meant to use bran but we didn’t have any in and the oats seemed to work fine. The sweat & grease sticks to the oats/bran and then you brush it out. I think this works best with short haired cats.


You get a couple of handfulls of oats/bran and place in a bowl and warm them in the microwave – just warm not hot!

Clear your dining table and place cat in middle. Talk to her and stroke her (me and DH did this – one on each side of the table so there were less escape routes). Scratch it behind the ear with one hand and then with the other rub a small amount of oats into the fur on her back - keep rubbing in small handfuls of oats until you have cleaned all the fur – then brush it out.

Then wipe the table & vacuum the floor.

[Deleted User]

My cat got under a car once and came out covered in tar/oil. We didn't want him ingesting it so the vet recommended we make up a weak solution of baby shampoo and water and dab the affected area with cotton wool to wipe as much off as we could. As he is black, it was hard to do but we got off the worst and left him to clean the rest.

Glad your kitty is getting better.

Curry_Queen

Good luck to any of you attempting to bath a cat!!! :rotfl:

My method? ... I'm a chicken and don't like getting scratched so out come the full length leather gauntlets and a lead x-ray apron, accompanied by several pairs of equally armoured hands to help out

jobbingmusician

Although the one about bathing a cat is funny, the one about giving a cat a pill is even better (for those of you who, like me, spend HOURS reading these threads).

Giving pills to cats and dogs


CATS:
Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently
apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth,
pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and
repeat process.

Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly
with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right
forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse
from garden.

Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear
paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly
with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and
rub cat's throat vigorously.

Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to
buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from
hearth and set to one side for glueing later.

Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just
visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take
taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet
with cold water and soap. Throw pieces of towel in garbage.

Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place
cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth
open with dessert sthingy. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink
beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek
and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to
cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new
one from bedroom.

Ring fire brigade to retrieve the !!!!!!' cat from tree across the road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take
last pill from foil wrap.

Tie the little **** 's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind
tightly to leg of dining room table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed.
Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by
large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour
2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. Pray vigorously while
performing all steps.

Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room,
sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill
remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from he1l and ring local pet shop to
see if they have any hamsters left.

DOGS:
Wrap it in bacon.