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getting my boyfriend out of debt

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13

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  • xcat_girlx
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    i used the snowball calculator...........he would be dead by the time its paid off!!!!!!!!!
    :j TTC from September 08 / BFP November 08 / EDD 22nd July 09 :j
    OH's debt as of Sept 08 - £15,000 / Nov 08 - £13,500
  • Horace
    Horace Posts: 14,426 Forumite
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    xcat_girlx wrote: »
    i used the snowball calculator...........he would be dead by the time its paid off!!!!!!!!!

    If he posts his full SOA, we can offer more advice and see where he is overspending and suggest ways of freeing up money to chuck at his debts. Maybe he should also think about talking to one of the debt charities such as CCCS or National Debtline.
  • xcat_girlx
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    he has £300 a month left after everything he needs to pay is paid

    he point blank refuses to not have a social life
    :j TTC from September 08 / BFP November 08 / EDD 22nd July 09 :j
    OH's debt as of Sept 08 - £15,000 / Nov 08 - £13,500
  • xcat_girlx wrote: »
    i'll print this off for him

    the last lot he rang said they couldnt do anything cos he could afford repayments.

    They may not be able to do anything but on the other hand they may be able to help get things under control. They give advice aswell so the phone call wouldnt be a complete waste of time.
    xcat_girlx wrote: »
    he has £300 a month left after everything he needs to pay is paid

    he point blank refuses to not have a social life

    Im sorry this could come across as very harsh but he needs to wake up, especially if he wants to get a house with you. If he refuses to not have a social life then kiss good bye to getting a house as not only is he not going to be able to afford it, his credit rating will be awful for the next 6 years and the only mortgage available will be at a huge interest rate. This could be the only way you are going to get through to him, by wording it as above.

    You cant do it all for him and if he is not willing to make sacrifises then im afraid your wasting your time trying to help. The only way someone will sort out there debt is if they have their own lightbulb moment. By the sounds of it he hasnt had his yet and until he does will just keep burying his head in the sand.
    Debt Now~Total-£14,366.72~CC-£1,600.00~Sofa-£1,349.01~Loan-£11,417.71
    :eek:Debt@Oct 12~Total £15,674.60~CC-£1,636.40~Sofa-£1,648.77~Loan-£12,389.43:eek:
  • Horace
    Horace Posts: 14,426 Forumite
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    It is still possible to have a social life when you are on a budget - for instance, looking on the freebies board for free cinema tickets and other free stuff e.g. days out at Silverstone.

    Using Tesco vouchers for days out. Having mates come round for a curry and a beer.

    When he has such a large amount of debt it would be better for him to cut back in some areas to free up the money to clear his debts, it would only be for the short term. £300 a month is a lot of spend on a social life - its £3600 a year:eek: If he cuts back to £100 a month he could still have a decent social life and he has freed up £200.

    I know that you are helping him but sometimes he needs to help himself after all he is 31 and he needs to take some responsibility for his own spending - one day he will have his lightbulb moment

    You may be able to lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink.
  • xcat_girlx
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    tried to post SOA but it wont paste right.

    i feel like im talking to a brick wall

    he understands everything im telling him and he knows all of the above

    but he is TERRIFIED of doing anything.

    all the debt management people said was to get an IVA which would then wreck any chances of getting a mortgage etc. my parents will give us a deposit but thats worthless with his level of bad credit.
    :j TTC from September 08 / BFP November 08 / EDD 22nd July 09 :j
    OH's debt as of Sept 08 - £15,000 / Nov 08 - £13,500
  • LilacPixie
    LilacPixie Posts: 8,052 Forumite
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    Cat

    Really you cannot make him wake up and take control. you can have a decent social life on a shoestring budget but only if you really really want to. From what you have posted he seems willing to let you assume control for everything but not make some sacrifices himself.

    It is not the best but maybe you should so his budget, tell him that this is what he needs to do so you can get a home together then start a family and leave it up to him. If he takes control then great but if he doesn't then you know he needs to grow up a whole lot more before you will consider moving in with him.
    MF aim 10th December 2020 :j:eek:
    MFW 2012 no86 OP 0/2000 :D
  • xcat_girlx
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    oh here we go.....

    Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

    Monthly Income Details
    Monthly income after tax................ 1090
    Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
    Benefits................................ 0
    Other income............................ 0
    Total monthly income.................... 1090


    Monthly Expense Details
    Mortgage................................ 0
    Secured loan repayments................. 0
    Rent.................................... 130
    Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
    Council tax............................. 0
    Electricity............................. 0
    Gas..................................... 0
    Oil..................................... 0
    Water rates............................. 0
    Telephone (land line)................... 0
    Mobile phone............................ 35
    TV Licence.............................. 0
    Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
    Internet Services....................... 0
    Groceries etc. ......................... 20
    Clothing................................ 20
    Petrol/diesel........................... 0
    Road tax................................ 0
    Car Insurance........................... 0
    Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
    Car parking............................. 0
    Other travel............................ 70
    Childcare/nursery....................... 0
    Other child related expenses............ 0
    Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
    Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
    Buildings insurance..................... 0
    Contents insurance...................... 0
    Life assurance ......................... 0
    Other insurance......................... 25
    Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
    Haircuts................................ 15
    Entertainment........................... 20
    Holiday................................. 0
    Emergency fund.......................... 0
    Total monthly expenses.................. 335


    Assets
    Cash.................................... 0
    House value (Gross)..................... 0
    Shares and bonds........................ 0
    Car(s).................................. 0
    Other assets............................ 0
    Total Assets............................ 0


    No Secured Debt

    Unsecured Debts
    Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
    halifax card...................3200......100.......24
    lloyds card....................6320......170.......24
    fraser card....................210.......20........29
    lloyds loan....................7000......200.......7
    overdraft......................100.......0.........5
    Total unsecured debts..........16830.....490.......-


    Monthly Budget Summary
    Total monthly income.................... 1,090
    Expenses (including secured debts)....... 335
    Available for debt repayments........... 755
    Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 490
    Surplus(deficit if negative)............ 265


    Personal Balance Sheet Summary
    Total assets (things you own)........... 0
    Total Secured debt...................... -0
    Total Unsecured debt.................... -16,830
    Net Assets.............................. -16,830


    Created using the SOA calculator at https://www.makesenseofcards.com.
    Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission.


    ======== Enter any other useful information below ========

    e.g. the number of adults & children in the household, the number

    of cars included in the SOA or anything else that may be useful.
    :j TTC from September 08 / BFP November 08 / EDD 22nd July 09 :j
    OH's debt as of Sept 08 - £15,000 / Nov 08 - £13,500
  • xcat_girlx
    Options
    LilacPixie wrote: »
    Cat

    Really you cannot make him wake up and take control. you can have a decent social life on a shoestring budget but only if you really really want to. From what you have posted he seems willing to let you assume control for everything but not make some sacrifices himself.

    It is not the best but maybe you should so his budget, tell him that this is what he needs to do so you can get a home together then start a family and leave it up to him. If he takes control then great but if he doesn't then you know he needs to grow up a whole lot more before you will consider moving in with him.

    he knows and hes asked me to help. the problem is he's too scared to phone these people up. i've tried explaining that they are bored little people in a call centre but he thinks they will send the police round for him. (honestly its a family attitude to money, the whole lot of them need their heads whacking off a wall).

    at the moment, his spare £200 is gone 2 weeks after payday leaving me paying everything!
    :j TTC from September 08 / BFP November 08 / EDD 22nd July 09 :j
    OH's debt as of Sept 08 - £15,000 / Nov 08 - £13,500
  • xcat_girlx
    Options
    the plan is this!!

    we are ringing halifax on saturday to negotiate paying back his arrears then setting up direct debits for this and his other CC's

    I am taking control of his bank card and account and drip feeding him money into an old account i still have open via online banking when im not with him. hopefully this will make him budget/stay within his overdraft limit. he needs 2 keep receipts for what hes buying.

    anything i can get leftover out his wages at the end of the month will go towards his debts.

    fingers crossed this may work for a while!
    :j TTC from September 08 / BFP November 08 / EDD 22nd July 09 :j
    OH's debt as of Sept 08 - £15,000 / Nov 08 - £13,500
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