Feeling a little overwhelmed -and a few q's

exessexmum

I have had a look at the snowball calculator, and reckon that if we save our socks off we can be debt free in approx 78 months, as long as our bills etc stay the same. (This doesnt take into account any pay rises, which will happen every year)
I can just about get my head around that until I actually think about what that means. It means that for the next 6 and a half years all I will be doing is paying off debt. If anything breaks down then it doesn't get replaced, if the car breaks and can't be repaired then we can't replace it, we can't do anything to the house, we can't really have much of a life. The thought that my kids are just going to remember their childhood as us scrimping every penny makes me so sad.
I'm not after sympathy, I know it was my overspending that has put us in this situation, but it seems so FINAL.
How do you cope with this? How do you make sure life just doesn't become a complete drudge of pennypinching and dullness?
*sigh*
Tracey

Magentasue

I know what you mean. For us, we spent several years living on next to nothing. When our youngest started school I started working part-time. As a supply teacher my hourly rate is very good but my earnings aren't reliable.

We now compromise, we stick to our debt plan and when I am earning, half goes on debt repayments and half goes on treats. Sometimes more goes on debt repayments but at least half does, that's the rule!

Once a year I do exam marking, one year it paid for central heating, another a new kitchen, last year a holiday.

Now, if we'd not had all these things I'd probably be debt free now instead of 2008 but as our children have gone through secondary school, college and now starting university we've felt we need to compromise. A lot of people would disagree.

Until your kids get to secondary school you can live on the minimum, after that you become aware that time's running out. By then, hopefully, you'll be able to earn your way out!

exessexmum

Thank you. Our eldest is only in year 1, the youngest is only a baby, so they aren't yet at an age to be really demanding about "stuff" but I know it will come. Once the baby is at school I hope to get a part time job, but with my OH shifts it is very difficult. Maybe I should look at working from home? Although all of the work from home jobs I know of don't pay really, and require a lot of up front cash. Also I haven't worked now for 6 years so the thought of getting a job scares the whatnots out of me!! Maybe I'll just have to get OH to do some overtime instead, that could be our "treat" money.

Magentasue

My OH has done shift work since our second was born, we don't have family around so I couldn't find a way of earning either apart from childminding. Once I had my third that had to stop because I couldn't get them all in the car.

What I did was start an OU degree, we were so poor most of it was paid for, then I went to Uni and finished it off. In those days you got a grant and your fees paid, not so easy now. When three were at school and one at playgroup I did a teaching qualification. At the time I wondered if I was doing the right thing, it was so much work and I hardly slept some weeks but it has been worth it. It might be worth looking at what Adult Education classes are free in your area, look ahead to what you could do when the children are older.

Meantime, look at what's free/cheap. I used to visit the library at least once a week when the kids were little. We're near the beach so that was great for the summer but we used to do picnics in the park too. When I look back, we weren't unhappy then even though we had no money to spend. I used to feel envious of people who bought new clothes for their children and spend money on things like takeaways but after a while you just accept that they're a thing of your past not your present!

I honestly think you'll be happier spending less but feeling in control than living like you do now but wondering when the wheels are going to fall off. Good luck!

southernscouser

I think the key is not to be unrealistic with your budget. Even if it means your DFD is put back a couple of years. What would you rather, being miserable and in debt for the next 3 years or being happy and in debt for the next five years?

Have you posted a state of affairs before so we can see if we can help you in any way!

Bossyboots

southernscouser wrote:

I think the key is not to be unrealistic with your budget. Even if it means your DFD is put back a couple of years. What would you rather, being miserable and in debt for the next 3 years or being happy and in debt for the next five years?

Have you posted a state of affairs before so we can see if we can help you in any way!

The details are posted on another thread.

Xbigman

I think there is a trap that parents fall into of thinking they have to supply 'stuff' for their kids to be happy. This is not true. Its fair to say that telling your children why you are not having a holiday or why you are not buying trendy cloths for them can be difficult, but as long as you don't ram the phrase 'we can't afford it' down their throats every five minutes they don't really get affected by it. In later life your children remember the positives of their upbringing, and spending time with them is the most positive thing you can do. If you cook from scratch then teach your children those skills and explain it is healthier and cheaper, never say you do it because you can't afford ready meals. This leaves totally the wrong impression.
I look out my window each day and there are hordes of kids milling around bored out of their minds. Both parents work and the kids are on their own half the day. I shudder to think what their memories of their childhood will be.
Regards




X

summerday

exessexmum wrote:

The thought that my kids are just going to remember their childhood as us scrimping every penny makes me so sad.
Tracey

Hi Tracey,

For what it's worth, when I grew up only my dad worked, and he didn't have a brilliant paying job either, so money was very tight. We never had holidays abroad, only some years had a holiday in this country, I never went to the cinema until I was 12 (and I'm only 25, so loads of my friends and other people did go). My parents split up when I was 14, but up till then they were very careful with money in every sense- I remember we did a monthly food shop as a family, things like bread and cheese were bought in bulk and frozen, to avoid having to do another food shop and the temptation to waste money. My dad was very creative, and made a garden slide for us out of an old bath, and a mini roundabout from an old washing machine drum. But you know what, we kids didn't care one bit that these things weren't shop bought, nor did all the neighbourhood kids who actually thought our play equipment was better than their posh shop bought stuff.

And even though there was little money to spare, our parents spent their time on us- which is much more important. They used to take us out for the day, but we took a picnic, and just went for walks and to different playgrounds, and did things like collect leaves to make collages, shells on the beach to paint and make ornaments. We took stale pieces of bread to feed the ducks in the pond in the park, and went to the library to borrow loads of great books for free. We didn't have loads of toys, but Mum and dad let us make dens with all the dining chairs and play shops with their coppers and a few household items. Mum taught us how to bake cakes and things.

So to be honest, although my sisters and I did sometimes notice that we weren't getting all the trendiest toys for Xmas and birthdays, most of the time we really didn't care, as our parents spent so much time giving us great experiences that helped us develop our imaginations and creativity. I still remember all these childhood experiences very fondly, and for my Dad's 50th birthday I wrote him a long letter basically listing all these memories I have and how grateful I am that he spent that time (rather than money)on us, and the effect it has had on me, and he was very touched by it. And I know that when I have children, I want to give them a similar childhood to the one my parents gave me, and even if we're not short of money I won't over-spend on my children as I want them to be able to enjoy creative, natural things, rather than just things that involve money.

Just my opinion, but I really think it won't do your kids any harm at all as long as they have parents that love them, and want to spend time with them, a warm home and food in their bellies. That's all they really need.

Sarah.x

youngandreckless

Hiya,

I totally second Saraht. My mum and dad were skint for most of my life and yet when I look back my childhood gives me nothing but smiles. My mum stayed at home and lavished us with attention, not toys or sweets, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. We're a happy family and close, even now I don't live at home, I pop in all the time and to me that is what family is all about.
My mum was extra inventive. She made sure that we were out and about, even if it was just to the library to read a book, and as we walked everywhere there was no childhood obesity to worry about! Simple things like making a pie for dinner were something we'd all do. Don't get me wrong we weren't the Waltons, I threw the odd tantrum for a macdonalds or the latest trainers, but my mum told us straight she couldn't afford them and as I grew up it didn't bother me enough for me to look back and feel hard done by.
I don't believe that having less as a child made me get into debt, although my mum and dad have had their fair share, I think it was a lack of judgement on my part.
At the end of the day, if your kids are loved and you use your imagination, the chances of your kids missing out are pretty slim. Anyway, most kids get more than they ever knew they wanted anyway!
Hang in there and think of the bigger picture, thats what keeps me going x

Spendless

exessexmum wrote:

I have had a look at the snowball calculator, and reckon that if we save our socks off we can be debt free in approx 78 months, as long as our bills etc stay the same. (This doesnt take into account any pay rises, which will happen every year)
I can just about get my head around that until I actually think about what that means. It means that for the next 6 and a half years all I will be doing is paying off debt. If anything breaks down then it doesn't get replaced, if the car breaks and can't be repaired then we can't replace it, we can't do anything to the house, we can't really have much of a life. The thought that my kids are just going to remember their childhood as us scrimping every penny makes me so sad.
I'm not after sympathy, I know it was my overspending that has put us in this situation, but it seems so FINAL.
How do you cope with this? How do you make sure life just doesn't become a complete drudge of pennypinching and dullness?
*sigh*
Tracey

I think your children are just the right age for you to go thru the years of cutting back. It means you'll be debt free around the time your eldest is starting secondary school and the baby is at full-time school and means when you are finally able to get a job-your income can go on extras. Definately look into doing some sort of course. I've recently completed a WP course at my local Womens Centre (part of the YWCA). It was free with a free creche for my daughter (Ofsted registered staff).Look to see what is free/cheap in your area especially if it also comes with free childcare help. You can ask on the families and old style board about inexpensive things to do with the children, both activities at home and outdoors

*Sparkle*_3

Hi Tracy,

I can understand how you feel, i to have kids the same age and my partner and i work.
i work on weekends 17hrs (i'm employed) and if he works on weekends for overtime the kids go to his mums.
i also work from home (self employed) during the week,it provides me with a bit of a bonus but i dont rely on the working from home cash as its just a hobby, but its doing well.
don't see this as the end, could you not get a part time job at the weekends or in evenings?
have you looked at going back to work part or full time, tax credits might be able to help with childcare costs?
I dont get a penny cus we are just over the threshold :rolleyes:
do you have any hobbies you can make a bit from?