Feeling Trapped

devonbirdy

Hi everyone,

Don't know where to start but I'll try and keep this brief.

My husband and I have been living together for 17 years.

Currently living in a lovely house with our son aged 10, since 2001, but have been struggling to make ends meet on and off for at least 4 years.

Husband is self employed and doesn't get paid on time so it's impossible to work out a monthly budget, (when we bought this house, he was employed as well, could support the sub prime mortgage of £1350 per month), but lost job a few months afterwards - says he finds it hard to work for other people.

Our wonderful son is 10 , has autism, epilepsy and adhd and is very challenging; he's violent towards us both, has put me in hospital twice and his special school find it hard to cope with him. His behaviour has not only affected my health - I've been treated for clinical depression for five years, but it has had a detrimental effect on my husband's business.

Almost 3 years ago, after receiving an eviction notice, hubby persuaded me to take out a loan, (secured on the house), to stop an pay the arrears and stop on our mortgage(12.5k), saying the £37k loan was for six months to enable us to get back on our feet and put us in a position to apply for a high street mortgage - our rate then in 2005 was 8.75%.

Unfortunately after the six months period passed, his application was unsuccessful so we're now left with payments of £600 per month on top of our mortgage which currently stands at 5.5k arrears - payment being £2k per month - 2.6 k inc loan.

Business has been poor so you can guess the rest - second eviction notice in October last year, managed to stop that with a promise to pay arrears over 12mths, in trouble with that too.

I have asked him repeatedly to sell up and downsize but he refuses, as I didn't want the debt of the mortgage and loan - mortgage = £169k + loan £37K over my head.

Two weeks ago my husband told me he wanted a completely new life which didn't include me, he wants our son to live with him, I don't have a problem with that because I couldn't manage him on my own, (he's nearly 12.5 stones).

Going back to the title, I feel trapped because I don't want to be in debt, I signed the loan papers when I was at a low point in my illness, but my husband is just being naive if he doesn't think the house won't be taken away from us - I'm worried capstone will make us bankrupt - I even said I wanted to try and do an IVA but he said no because it would force him to sell the house.

Now he's said he doesn't want me in his life anymore, I'm even more angry and bitter - any suggestions please?

Has anyone else been in a similar financial position?

Very worried

RAS

Hi love, we have a few other peope on here who are in similiar situations. welcome.

Firstly, you need to get advice from one of the debt charities, see here http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan#help

You also need urgently to talk to a lawyer, even if it costs you money, so that you know your rights.

have you got anywhere else you can live?

You need to be aware that if you move out and work, you will required to pay maintenance for your son and that the CSA may NOT take into account your debts.

The chances of capstone making you BK may not be great, but the chances of them repossessing the house will be higher. How much equity is there in the house and was the £37K loan secuured on the house?

**Amy**

Hi

I am really sorry to hear about everything that has happened.

Im not really sure if anything I suggest will be a good thing, but I would maybe contact a debt charity regarding the money side of things:

www.cccs.co.uk or www.nationaldebtline.co.uk

As for the other side of the problems, i really dont know what to suggest.

Sorry

xx

moodydonkey

To me you seem more worried about your financial situation than your family one!
Having lost both the only thing I can say is please try to do the best for your family and for you.
I'm not good at money things so can't offer any advice sorry.
But please try to hold on to them.

trancebabe

Just wanted to welcome you here - there's some fabulous people who can really help you!

I personally think your husband is fooling himself and whether his life is with you or not, the home is at quite a risk.

Good luck with it and keep us posted

kazwookie

devonbirdy

Welcome well done for posting up.

I don't know any answers for you, those that do will be along shortly, and will no doubt as always offer good advise.

Personally for now and untill you get better advise, stay put in the house, and talk to one of the free debt agencies..

OliveOyl_2

Aw Hun, I'm sorry to hear this tale, you've had a tough time of it.

If hubby wants to end the marriage, keep the home and leave you with the debts, then he's dreaming.
I suggest that you get legal advice regarding the divorce and debts. If he retains residency for your son, then after the finances are sorted, with the house probably sold (you can't afford it now, you won't be able to afford another home at the same time) then you will probably have to pay some maintenance, or allow him more of the capital for eg. It would be quite complicated I'm sure.

Do you think your OH is just suggesting this route because he thinks this way he won't lose the house? Or is he really wanting to end the marriage?