DM - Government orders everyone to move house

BiggaThanBen

Nice one ..)

EVERYONE in Britain has been given three weeks to move house and then redo the bathroom as part of the government's plan to boost the ailing economy.

'This is exactly the sort of bathroom we don't want'

Treasury officials believe there will be a beneficial 'knock-on effect' of the mass house move involving removal firms, trips to B&Q and £90-an-hour plumbers making questionable remarks in front of your wife.

Chancellor Alistair Darling said: "It is now more than 20 years since moving house replaced coal mining as this country's chief economic activity.

"It is now so important to our economic well-being that if no-one moves house, everything turns to !!!! within seconds.

"So rather than do something pointless and irrelevant like suspending stamp duty, it's really much easier if we just force you all to move."

Mr Darling said he did not care where people moved to but warned that anyone who had not changed address by the end of August would be forcibly relocated by the fire brigade.

"The firemen will drag you from your beds before giving you an ample supply of boxes and then standing over you to make sure you wrap your crockery in bubbly stuff."

He added: "Then it's off to B&Q where the Madrid three-piece bathroom suite is just £279, including a mixer tap.

"And if you are going to redo the floor, use natural slate. And don't get brightly coloured tiles - use either plain white or subtle earth tones. Look, just do it - alright?"

:rotfl:

MissMoneypenny

BiggaThanBen wrote: »

"The firemen will drag you from your beds

Another duff plan from the government. They won't have enough fireman. Firemen are most womens fantasy.

oldMcDonald

MissMoneypenny wrote: »

Another duff plan from the government. They won't have enough fireman. Firemen are most womens fantasy.

Must be sure to put a corner bath in if you are doing up the bathroom - adds thousands onto the property value. It must do, all the property developers seem to put them in.


Too right about it being a duff plan, many women would prefer policemen to turn up

*Does anyone here have a corner bath? Can you stretch out and wallow, or do you have to half curl into a ball? They look really uncomfortable and I have never understood why people always put them in when they 'do up' their bathroom.

PasturesNew

oldMcDonald wrote: »

Must be sure to put a corner bath in if you are doing up the bathroom - adds thousands onto the property value. It must do, all the property developers seem to put them in.

And most property hunting programmes point out that they're a bad thing. They're firstly a personal choice item ... and now will cost more to fill for gas/electricity to heat up the water and the water itself.

oldMcDonald wrote: »

Too right about it being a duff plan, many women would prefer policemen to turn up

I've never got the uniform thing at all! I've looked at firemen/policemen/etc to try to see the attraction and ... it's just clothes. They need to get them off really. You can always buy them a uniform

oldMcDonald wrote: »

*Does anyone here have a corner bath? Can you stretch out and wallow, or do you have to half curl into a ball? They look really uncomfortable and I have never understood why people always put them in when they 'do up' their bathroom.

I was going to have one in an en-suite I was planning for some reason ... can't think why I wanted it now. I think it's the "might fit 2" potential for the fun scale only though.

Never actually been in one.

oldMcDonald

PasturesNew wrote: »

I've never got the uniform thing at all! I've looked at firemen/policemen/etc to try to see the attraction and ... it's just clothes. They need to get them off really. You can always buy them a uniform

I think it may be a power thing. Have another look at policemen.....and guys in their Army togs (must admit, don't get Navy - maybe that's due to there being so many of 'em in these parts!)......also rec a good look at any bus drivers in their thirties-ish. No? Maybe that's just something peculier to me then?

There y'go, how off topic can one post be?

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

I was going to have one in an en-suite I was planning for some reason ... can't think why I wanted it now. I think it's the "might fit 2" potential for the fun scale only though.

Never actually been in one.

You can fit two into most baths. Its nicer to have the taps in the middle, but not insurmountable if they are not. DH and I bath together everyday we are together. We've even managed to squeeze into an eco friendly half length bath :eek: cosy rather than romantic though:rolleyes:

I have been in a conner bath and didn't like it, I did feel like I was sitting round the corner from myself, although the bath wasn't actually banana shaped it felt like it. ithout doubt they way to go is central taps on a normal bath.....

personally I like sunken baths:cool:

re uniforms, I personally am always relieved when the paramedics arrive.;)

PasturesNew

lostinrates wrote: »

I personally am always relieved when the paramedics arrive.;)

I wish you hadn't said that ... it really only means ONE thing.

oldMcDonald

lostinrates wrote: »

re uniforms, I personally am always relieved when the paramedics arrive.;)

*only just noticing the double-entendre*

dubsey

oldMcDonald wrote: »

I think it may be a power thing. Have another look at policemen.....and guys in their Army togs (must admit, don't get Navy - maybe that's due to there being so many of 'em in these parts!)......also rec a good look at any bus drivers in their thirties-ish. No? Maybe that's just something peculier to me then?

There y'go, how off topic can one post be?

Bus drivers?? We have a friend (31) who's a bus driver, long blonde hair, real mullet style though, shaven sides and the back is down to his waist. I think it looks horrid (only my opinion, don't want to offend anyone with a mullet). Never seen him while he's working though - do bus drivers wear uniforms?

The navy thing is for me, but only officer type navy in the dark jacket, white shirt and tie. I have a thing for very smart suits, absolutely no idea why. I'd be a nightmare if I worked in the City!

Pobby

I think that nurses in short dresses, white stillettos and black, seamed.........

I`m outta here!

lostinrates

oldMcDonald wrote: »

*only just noticing the double-entendre*

Actually, I only noticed it in typing it....:o but it was too unintentionally funny to remove or re word.