What would YOU do?

OliveOyl_2

I think Jenjade has a point
If you said to your friend that you are now financially in need yourself, as she was all that time ago, could she please convert what she owes to a 0% credit card debt, give you what she owes and pay the card off herself?

If she knew that you were in need would she really continue in this way???
It sounds like she thinks you can afford this, so maybe you need to be honest with her?

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

pink_fairy_5

think im going to sound harsh now but i think you might need to put a 'bit' of pressure on it sounds like your being quite direct and its not going in. if i had borrowed money off a friend and they then told me they couldnt afford things i would want to pay back as soon as possible as i would feel responsible for putting you in that position. even if she is a very good friend, she may be taking advantage a bit - even without realising it.

Jenna

PoorAndInDenial,

No no, you didn't sound harsh at all, I really wanted honesty from people so thankyou

It might be a good idea to ask them to look at my budget as you say, then they will realise just how tight it really is ... and this might be a good way of "easing into" the conversation ...

Cheers, that's a good thought xx

pink_fairy_5

perhaps not ask for full amount but if you explain that it would have been paid back by now as per original agreement, and while you understand there were problems (and allowed for that with payment breaks and lower payments) you do need to go back to the original payment plan - or even a bit more if they can. be strong x

Jenna

Hey Kevicho,

Not at all, you have a fair point. I did get something in writing, including 2 witnesses signing etc, but I have since found out that it probably wouldn't stand up in court (I was under 18 - just! - at the time). This person may not be aware of that fact though, the whole point of doing it was that it was all above board etc!

We are still very close and the money is really the only thing affecting our relationship, it would be such a shame for a great friendship to be ruined over money and I don't want that to happen. They are a very honest and well-meaning person, I don't think it's malicious that they are paying me back slower, it may simply not have occured to them to up the amount; they may not know how badly it's affecting me; anything, really.

I can understand if you're cynical of lending money now and to be fair, I wouldn't do it again - it puts too much pressure on an otherwise good relationship - so if nothing else, it's been a good learning curve!

I will try and talk with them, I just have to work out what I am asking them to do e.g. pay back in full / part, or pay more when they get a raise, etc.

Cheers

Jenna

Hey OliveOyl,

Hmm that's a good point ... the situations are kind of similar aren't they ... they were trapped in debt and I'm trapped in my job! I don't really mind whether it comes back all in one lump sum or bit by bit ... it's all going on paying off my own debts anyway ... it's just that "little" difference between being able to take a salary cut or not.

I guess I've always been the one in my circle of friends who's "good with money" and I'm always the one people come to for advice on financial stuff (and I refer them to MSE, of course!!) ... maybe they really think I have plenty of cash and it makes no difference? The place I'm living in now with my OH is v. nice (a modern apartment, lovely aside from our neighbours on occasion!!) but we budget and don't go out so much in order to afford it. Perhaps I'm giving the impression of being loaded somehow?! Does buying economy everything suggest secret millions?! lol

Thanks hun xx

Jenna

Pink Fairy,

No that's a fair enough comment, I have been starting to feel that way lately too ... which is why I was posting really ... wanting to know if I am being reasonable, totally unfair or possibly even just a soft touch!

I know they wouldn't want to be holding me back from changing jobs, I guess the main issue will be that they'll say they can't afford to pay more. I could ask them to do it when they've got a raise? Or ask to look at their budget to see if I can help them make cuts? I don't want to come across as interfering, or making judgements on their lifestyle ... but equally I am getting really depressed and frustrated in my current job and I can cope for a few more months - maybe even a year - but why should I have to, it is my money after all?

Thx for the reply xx

Milly1974

I think you need to have a real heart-to-heart with your friend. I would bet that if they knew they were causing difficulty, they would make changes and feel a bit bad about it.

Be honest, that you you don't want to cause them stress, but that you are feeling very stressed by the job you are in. You need her to be a friend to you and support you, in return for the support you gave her.

It sounds like you have a strong friendship. Work together and I am sure you can negotiate something between you. Good luck

dancingfairy

They were brave enough and up front enough to ask for the money so I think you need to be upfront enough to ask for it back. Be understanding but fair - say look I appreciate you had a hard time but I lent you the money on the understanding I'd have it back by now and I really need it - I am having a hrd time myself right now.
Maybe that would help?