Guess whose back!? The Return Diary

CAFCGirl

starting at new job wednesday afternoon at 4 LOL.... and then at 6:20am thursday so no break for me!

bella2121

Morning everyone!!

hope you enjoy your day off CAFC!

i'm not happy at work again I am working on my own on my department which for most people would be fine but for me it soooooo isnt! I have a massive fear of being on my own, I used to be really bad when I was at home on my own but I seem to have got passed that one and I'm fine at homenow, but anywhere else I just cant deal with it I get really breathless and panicky, when this happens I get dizzy, its awful, I dont want to say anything to work because I dont want to seem hard work but it really is an issue for me, dont know what to do?

xx

CAFCGirl

Morning...

Oh Bella hun, sounds really pants. Have you ever had help with it? Like seen a professional I mean. That or maybe putting it into google and seeing if theres some online help... Do you know what it stems from?
All I know is the dizziness, panicky feeling etc is a physiological response, "fight or flight", its your body gearing up for to fight or to flee.... I used to get this with new situations, I hate walking into places to find people, and would always make people meet me somewhere outside. All I used to do as picture myself being successful, so finding them without any issue, quickly, not getting lost in crowds etc, and breathe deeply and slowly....
Maybe doing little stints on your own, then taking a break from it, finding a "face", say hello, loo break and then go back. Maybe once you've seen you're ok with it, your body's anxiety about it might calm down?

Dunno if thats all pyschobabble, but it used to help me.....
Can you also ask for someone else to be working with you (dont have to tell them the real reason) and just say even if someone could come over for a couple of hours in the middle of your shift, just to help you out as you;re doing the whole thing yourself?

bella2121

I think it is in my head, i'm always worried about someone coming in my department and attacking me I'm forever looking for routes of escape incase this does happen, writing this down makes it seem so ridiculous!! to get in my department you need to have a special pass but there are other ways in which I dont know how people get through these doors arghhhhhh i'm making myself mad now! I do have to go out of my department to get to my cleaning cupboard which is hard work. There is no way she will let anyone else help me because every department has a time allocation to it and mine is 1 person for 4 hours which is me, I might just bite the bullet and tell her otherwise i'm just gonna make myself ill, the problem is you never get chance to speak to anyone oh dear

thanks for listening to my ramblings, I know how stupid it all sounds but it is really making me miserable xx

CAFCGirl

its doesnt sound stupid and its not stupid at all my dear.... and its best to say/type it outloud to someone than to keep it all bunched up inside, otherwise, like you said, you'll make yourself ill....i think its called Monophobia....
Maybe you could ask how people get through the other doors, perhaps if you know how it happens i.e security codes this might make you feel a bit safer as those people have been vetted before being allowed in..... or if they are just getting in any old way then its a security breach which they should be aware of and act on....

I actually think you're incredibly brave to speak up about it and acknowledge it, rather than having it wear you down, so you should be proud of yourself!

bella2121

Thanks hun! I feel better just typing its good to get things off my chest, I think I'll go in tonight, with a more positive attitude and see if that helps, I'll try to put things in perspective if that doesnt work I will buck the courage up and speak to my manager

on a more positive note its payday tomorrow should get all my overtime from december and the hours they missed from november so should be a good wage xx

Purpleroses

afternoon!

had a bad morning, had an earful of abuse from old bat who works at the museum - last time I help her out i tell you! Did some meditating so feel better but she's just one of these people who suck all the positivity out of a room. uhhh

anyway sorry to drag your thread down again.

Hows Gordons training going?

CAFCGirl

YAY for payday....

was my payday yesterday and was all very sad.... last one ever.
Didnt include my redundancy but i dont think i get that till after my last official day which is the 30th....

For someone reason.... my entire body suddenly really aches all over and i feel really bleurgh, all my back and neck muscles, might try and have a nap if I can get Gordon to calm down.

Our sky box is also evidently broken. says its got power but nothing, just a blue screen. Am getting fed up with paying them all this money for carp service. I told DH I would rather have a recordable freeview box but he was having none of it.... wouldnt mind so much if he paid for it! LOL

Oh Im being all grumpy now because everything hurts!

bella2121

Awwww bless you! Have a nice hot bath with bubbles that always makes me feel better.

Our sky plus box is playing up OH thinks its something hes done by moving it and sky want £60 to come and look at it!!! we have got our monthly bill reduced to £30 per month until march which is better than what we where paying before, I am making sure i'm watching lots of films at least then its worth while having it. Gonna watch shameless tonight! cant wait I love that programme!!!

Hope you feel better soon xx

CAFCGirl

not a fan of shameless must admit. nearly cried last night because my greys anatomy hadnt recorded, but now the ruddy thing wont even turn on....

I so want to cancel it.....maybe this will help spur DH to cancel....doubt it....