not sure what to do with boyfriends debt

CLAPTON

if you click on the debt free wannabe board ... then go near to the top there is a budget planner... perhaps you could get him to fill it in.

14,000 is a faily low income ..but it should give him a take home amount of 950 ish per month... where is the money going?
and get him to consider getting a part time job to supplement the debt payments.

and whatever your views on 'men!!!' consider carefully being financially linked or even dependant on 'them!!!' before they grow up.

moggylover

xcat_girlx wrote: »

he is now spending nothing a month except for maybe £30-£40 as every penny he has is going on paying the minimum payments on his card. he doesnt have a car or anything to run either and cant physically cut back on anything else.
a large bulk of it was caused by his ex and also by his shopping habits which he now realises was a mistake.

in theory, if he freed up enough money to put money aside for a deposit on a house, could he then pay the remainder off by taking extra out on a mortgage? or is that just going round in circles?

Please do not think I am being funny or horrible - but are you sure that NOW is the right time to risk getting into living with him? I seriously would think about making him sort out his own mess first, and EARN the right to ask you to share his life. That may sound harsh - but I think that we only learn to stay out of debt (along with out of drink, out of drugs out of trouble, etc.) by having to clean up after ourselves!

Sorted my ex partner out many times - he never got the hang of money and never will! His mother bails him out still, and he is 45! He is not a bad person really, but she never taught him any self-reliance or independence, and until one has to learn these one goes from one "mess" to another forever imo.

Maybe that I am rather cynical - "luuuvvvv" has only ever messed up my finances over the years - but we do need to exert common sense over our hearts sometimes - and I preach as one who did not and has had to pay the financial burden of a further child (albeit a 6'4" one, for most of the years of our on/off relationship).

People who are not financially independent usually find paying their way a great and intolerable strain in my experience - and they will dump this strain on anyone silly enough to take it.

May be that I am mis-judging your boyfriend - on the other hand, would it really hurt to wait a while and make him sort himself out before you get in to bailing him out? House prices are not solid at the moment so not a great time to buy anyway - and he can always get an evening job to pay his debts off quicker if he really wants to.

Oh God, I sound so harsh! Don't mean to be - but strong sensible women so often attract weak and sad men: and you sound strong and sensible. If he just wants another mother (as mine did/still does really) then you deserve SOOOOOOOOOO much more!

Zazen999

When I was paying off the £10k debt I had after my degree, I put it into spreadsheets and worked out the interest rates/max payments etc so that I could calculate my debt free day.

Perhaps it's worth doing that with [not for] him?

ETA - plus what the other 2 said in between...he's not really acting responsibly enough so unless he mysteriously changes into a mad manic money saver then you might end up bailing him out time and time again.

xcat_girlx

CLAPTON wrote: »

if you click on the debt free wannabe board ... then go near to the top there is a budget planner... perhaps you could get him to fill it in.

14,000 is a faily low income ..but it should give him a take home amount of 950 ish per month... where is the money going?
and get him to consider getting a part time job to supplement the debt payments.

and whatever your views on 'men!!!' consider carefully being financially linked or even dependant on 'them!!!' before they grow up.

the whole lot, bar around 180-200 is going on his debt which gives you some clue as to the size

xcat_girlx

moggylover wrote: »

Please do not think I am being funny or horrible - but are you sure that NOW is the right time to risk getting into living with him? I seriously would think about making him sort out his own mess first, and EARN the right to ask you to share his life. That may sound harsh - but I think that we only learn to stay out of debt (along with out of drink, out of drugs out of trouble, etc.) by having to clean up after ourselves!

Sorted my ex partner out many times - he never got the hang of money and never will! His mother bails him out still, and he is 45! He is not a bad person really, but she never taught him any self-reliance or independence, and until one has to learn these one goes from one "mess" to another forever imo.

Maybe that I am rather cynical - "luuuvvvv" has only ever messed up my finances over the years - but we do need to exert common sense over our hearts sometimes - and I preach as one who did not and has had to pay the financial burden of a further child (albeit a 6'4" one, for most of the years of our on/off relationship).

People who are not financially independent usually find paying their way a great and intolerable strain in my experience - and they will dump this strain on anyone silly enough to take it.

May be that I am mis-judging your boyfriend - on the other hand, would it really hurt to wait a while and make him sort himself out before you get in to bailing him out? House prices are not solid at the moment so not a great time to buy anyway - and he can always get an evening job to pay his debts off quicker if he really wants to.

Oh God, I sound so harsh! Don't mean to be - but strong sensible women so often attract weak and sad men: and you sound strong and sensible. If he just wants another mother (as mine did/still does really) then you deserve SOOOOOOOOOO much more!

i completly agree in a lot of ways. we're in a long distance relationship as well which doesnt help. he's never asked me to sort his money problems for him, i've always offered, mainly because i know if i dont help him, then we're never going to be able to have the life together that we both want to have. he's 10 years older than me so should really know better but he also comes from a background where his family never had any money and still now rely on paying the bills over the counter in the bank i.e. they dont really have a money attitude in their house where as my upbringing was very different into a house where there was no debt other than the mortgage.

he says he made mistakes when he was younger and at times i want to slap him all over cos ultimatley im having to pay for them now as well cos its affecting our future together.

CLAPTON

xcat_girlx wrote: »

the whole lot, bar around 180-200 is going on his debt which gives you some clue as to the size

post up the details when you get them over the weekend

but 15,000 at average APR of 30% and repaying 750 per month will be clear is just over 2 years...

xcat_girlx

hmmm im guessing his apr is going to be lower than that. i will try and get as much as i can. that figure to me doesnt sound that bad, but its driving him crackers as he has no money for anything else at all.

mrposhman

Definately post the details of the debts up but first and foremost get rid of those evil store cards!! The APR on them will be closer to the 30% stated above than the 15-18% he probably has on his credit cards!!

mrposhman

Oh and does he still have the cards in question? If so, get him to take the scissors to them