Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • movingon29
    • By movingon29 11th Sep 17, 11:05 AM
    • 2Posts
    • 0Thanks
    movingon29
    Moving house after a severe trauma, options & costs
    • #1
    • 11th Sep 17, 11:05 AM
    Moving house after a severe trauma, options & costs 11th Sep 17 at 11:05 AM
    I don't want to put too much detail here about what happened but the jist of it is that I feel the need to move home after a severe trauma happened there. I no longer feel I can stay, I have tried and simply panic, I'm in therapy at the moment and the majority of the time I am back with my parents, but need my independence.

    I don't want to loose my flat but am left with no choice since i simply cannot live there anymore. I have decided to try and find another 1 bed flat of the same value in the same development. However, I am tied down with a Help to buy loan, I have spoken to them and I am not allowed to port my loan which i would of thought would be the easiest option but I can sell up, pay them the 20% back and then purchase another applying for the 20% loan again. This could all work out fine but I still need to consider all the buying and selling fees which I cannot afford, and not sure if they will allow me to buy what is technically not going to be a new build.

    I decided to add the stamp duty to my mortgage, but will still incur solicitors, estate agents and help to buy admin fee. Which at it's cheapest will be £3000 dead money.

    I just wondered if anyone else had any other ideas and options, or know of anyone that can help in unusual circumstances like these?
Page 1
    • G_M
    • By G_M 11th Sep 17, 11:28 AM
    • 41,985 Posts
    • 48,599 Thanks
    G_M
    • #2
    • 11th Sep 17, 11:28 AM
    • #2
    • 11th Sep 17, 11:28 AM
    Which help tto buy scheme? Equity Loan?

    https://www.helptobuy.gov.uk/

    Equity loans are available to first time buyers as well as homeowners looking to move. The home you want to buy must be newly built with a price tag of up to £600,000.
    You won’t be able to sublet this home or enter a part exchange deal on your old home.
    • EachPenny
    • By EachPenny 11th Sep 17, 12:13 PM
    • 2,957 Posts
    • 5,406 Thanks
    EachPenny
    • #3
    • 11th Sep 17, 12:13 PM
    • #3
    • 11th Sep 17, 12:13 PM
    I don't want to put too much detail here about what happened but the jist of it is that I feel the need to move home after a severe trauma happened there. I no longer feel I can stay, I have tried and simply panic, I'm in therapy at the moment and the majority of the time I am back with my parents, but need my independence.
    Originally posted by movingon29
    Obviously it depends on the nature of the event, but have you considered (and perhaps discussed with your therapist) how you might feel about things in the future? It is understandable not to want to be in a place where you have suffered a severe trauma, but sometimes (depending on the circumstances) the actions we take in response to a trauma can later become part of the trauma itself.

    Let me explain in a more neutral way. A friend moved in with a boyfriend in a house they purchased together and did up. They got married and had children. The relationship went badly wrong, they got divorced, the neighbours were friends with the ex-husband and made life even more difficult for my friend. She was so distressed by the situation that she was ready to hand the keys to the mortgage company and walk away. The house now held many bad memories, was financially contributing to her problems, and the neighbours made life hell on a daily basis. I persuaded her to stay because levaing would have a serious financial impact on her and remove the one thing which offered her and the children security and a kind of stability.

    With hindsight she is so glad she stayed - even though the neighbours are still ****holes. For her one of the most important factors is that leaving the house would have made her situation worse and the loss of the home would have compounded an already bad situation. It would have added another thing to regret and be angry about to the long list she had.

    There are some kind of traumas where you know that nothing will ever change the way you feel about something, in that case the decision becomes almost obvious. But try and take a step back and think how you might feel in a couple of years if - while still suffering - you made a decision which in hindsight has made your situation worse. Having a home is one of the most important things there is for our emotional stability - if you haven't already then perhaps you'd benefit from talking to someone about how you might feel in future if you go ahead and sell with financial consequences and some loss of your independence.

    If you need more time to think about it, perhaps you could consider renting the flat out and using the income to rent elsewhere? That may not be an ideal situation, but it could give you some space and time to think.

    I hope whatever you decide it works out well for you, and you are able to return to a happy and settled life
    "In the future, everyone will be rich for 15 minutes"
    • moneyistooshorttomention
    • By moneyistooshorttomention 11th Sep 17, 1:24 PM
    • 13,987 Posts
    • 37,983 Thanks
    moneyistooshorttomention
    • #4
    • 11th Sep 17, 1:24 PM
    • #4
    • 11th Sep 17, 1:24 PM
    I do understand why someone would associate a particular home with a trauma that happened there.

    Reel back to many years ago living in "Grotty Bedsit-land" and several things happened that shouldn't have in "Grotty Bedsit No. 1" and 4th "bedsit's fault problem" later and that was it. I was not going to give that bedsit the chance to cause me any more problems. Four in three years - that was a lot!

    So - I moved to Grotty Bedsit No. 2 and was there about 3 years as well and that bedsit didnt cause me any problems in that time.

    So - I do see where you are coming from and sometimes it really is down to a particular place that one has had a problem - rather than something that would have happened wherever one was living.

    Good luck!

    What I would say is that = whatever you are promised by anyone re keeping your existing terms - MAKE SURE YOU'VE GOT IT IN WRITING. They can't then renege on their promises to you.

    Fingers crossed for you.
    #MeToo

    Why should our needs override the needs of all other living species? What makes us so special? (Brigit Strawbridge)
    • Rosieandjim
    • By Rosieandjim 11th Sep 17, 2:33 PM
    • 83 Posts
    • 102 Thanks
    Rosieandjim
    • #5
    • 11th Sep 17, 2:33 PM
    • #5
    • 11th Sep 17, 2:33 PM
    I am surprised that you want to move to the same type of flat in the same development, Surely it would still be a reminder? I think you are stronger than you realise if you are considering this, as most people would want to move away from the area that it happened.


    To save you money is there anything you could do to make your flat look different or change the atmosphere in it. It is going to be a big expense to move not far away in an identical looking flat which may not change your way of thinking.


    However, if a person was involved in the trauma who is still living nearby then yes I would want to move.


    Hope you find peace what ever you decide
    • copperclock
    • By copperclock 11th Sep 17, 3:55 PM
    • 217 Posts
    • 242 Thanks
    copperclock
    • #6
    • 11th Sep 17, 3:55 PM
    • #6
    • 11th Sep 17, 3:55 PM
    I am surprised that you want to move to the same type of flat in the same development, Surely it would still be a reminder? I think you are stronger than you realise if you are considering this, as most people would want to move away from the area that it happened.


    To save you money is there anything you could do to make your flat look different or change the atmosphere in it. It is going to be a big expense to move not far away in an identical looking flat which may not change your way of thinking.


    However, if a person was involved in the trauma who is still living nearby then yes I would want to move.


    Hope you find peace what ever you decide
    Originally posted by Rosieandjim
    This is a potentially great idea. For the £3000 'dead money' you could get a gorgeous bathroom or most of a kitchen, for example.
    • Lurkingtoposting17
    • By Lurkingtoposting17 11th Sep 17, 4:46 PM
    • 86 Posts
    • 97 Thanks
    Lurkingtoposting17
    • #7
    • 11th Sep 17, 4:46 PM
    • #7
    • 11th Sep 17, 4:46 PM
    Hi OP

    I had a shared ownership home I sold during a period of ill health as I didn't feel strong enough to stay there and there was a bad neighbour who shot someone outside my home (in a very nice area) which made me feel like I lost control over my home.

    4 years later, I do wonder if I should have kept it still.... as a shared owner I couldn't sub let (similar to you in help to buy i imagine) but once I felt stronger, a good year to 18 months after leaving, I did wonder if I should have kept it.

    I would talk to your therapist about it.

    I think you may lose out financially, and as HTB is only available on new builds, I don't think even in your circumstances you will be able to buy a new home in the same estate unless, it is, new. I do agree that the only minor difference, will likely not be as much of a help as you think to helping you move on, and instead time, and renovations, may help you disassociate the event with the apartment. However, don't let losing money hold you back if you really feel that home isn't making you well and won't give you joy in the future. No amount of money is worth your health and sanity.

    If you are still recovering from the trauma, you may not be able to make a balanced decision right now, if you have the financial ability to take the time to give yourself time to think, make sure you don't push yourself to make a decision now you are not ready for.

    I have actually stayed at home for 4 years following my illness, and saved money instead, after everything that happened to me when I sold my house. At first it felt like a lost of independence, then I adjusted, and decided to make the most of the experience (travelling and further education). I have focused on living life in other ways.

    I have saved knowing I have a nest egg waiting for me when I am waiting to go back on the property ladder.

    The travel and education I have treated myself to have been fundamentally the most important things in getting myself better, and perhaps maybe now isn't the right time for you to live alone again, but a time to surround yourself with the love and support of your family and do something to make you feel good about yourself and life again.

    Sorry this is a bit of a ramble, but hopefully you get my point

    Take care of yourself first, try not to make decisions until you know you are in the right mind frame to and make sure when you make the decision, you do whats right for you. You can always make more money, but you cannot make another you

    Hugs and I hope you get stronger and better soon.
    • AnotherJoe
    • By AnotherJoe 11th Sep 17, 5:10 PM
    • 7,602 Posts
    • 8,204 Thanks
    AnotherJoe
    • #8
    • 11th Sep 17, 5:10 PM
    • #8
    • 11th Sep 17, 5:10 PM
    Could you spend the money you'd lose on moving expenses ona serious redecoration of the place? Make every room look different ?
    • teddysmum
    • By teddysmum 11th Sep 17, 5:35 PM
    • 8,522 Posts
    • 5,052 Thanks
    teddysmum
    • #9
    • 11th Sep 17, 5:35 PM
    • #9
    • 11th Sep 17, 5:35 PM
    If you go for the same design and orientation, you could well wake up one morning and think you are back where you started from, though redecorated, so it's probably best to spend on making over the current one.
    • movingon29
    • By movingon29 12th Sep 17, 2:07 PM
    • 2 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    movingon29
    Thank you so much for all the replies, i'll try to address everything. Unfortunately the incident was much more serious and physical than relationship problems which is why i feel the need to move. It has been a little while since it happened so i tried the whole buy new stuff, completely changing the inside of the flat, such a good idea but it's not working. The same layout and the fact that there is no escaping thats where it happened still keeps preventing me from moving on.

    I wanted to stay in the same development as thats the place i chose to live and waited years to get into, it's such a good location. I should correct that I would like a different layout flat, but still a 1 bed in the same price bracket.

    I did speak to my therapist who believes the move will be very good for me due to the circumstances.

    I heard back from Help To Buy again who are allowing me to purchase with the loan as a second time buyer, they can port loans for certain circumstances but decided to decline mine, god knows what has to of happened if this was declined. However, the catch is that admin fees still must be paid and they will not allow me to move home like you usually would in one transition where solicitors deal with the money of paying off loans, getting new ones out, transferring money to sellers etc. They want me to do it as 2 completely separate events, which seems impossible.

    This would mean I have to sell up and pay them back, new people would move in and i have nowhere to go with all my furniture, wait for something to come available and then purchase another property. They basically gave me an option but made it virtually impossible to do, I will only just scrape the money of solicitors and agents fees.

    So needless to say i'm feeling very upset, trapped and helpless right now.

    The renting idea was great that one of you suggested, however after giving it some thought I wouldn't be able to due to still being tied down by help to buy. You are not allowed to rent out unless you pay the 20% back.

    i'm so stuck!
    • fairy lights
    • By fairy lights 12th Sep 17, 2:27 PM
    • 8,291 Posts
    • 27,816 Thanks
    fairy lights
    I know you say you want to stay in the same development, but it sounds like logistically it's going to be very difficult to organise.
    You'd be better off selling up and starting again in a new neighbourhood - is there no where else you would consider moving? Or would selling and then renting be an option?
    • EachPenny
    • By EachPenny 12th Sep 17, 7:32 PM
    • 2,957 Posts
    • 5,406 Thanks
    EachPenny
    The renting idea was great that one of you suggested, however after giving it some thought I wouldn't be able to due to still being tied down by help to buy. You are not allowed to rent out unless you pay the 20% back.
    Originally posted by movingon29
    I think that was me

    I expected that renting out might not be straightforward, but think in your circumstances an exception might be made to any restrictions as you are not exactly seeking buy-to-let permission. I would ask if it was possible to have permission to rent out, perhaps for a specific length of time (say a year) in order to give you space and time to make a decision what to do.

    It may help to get your request supported by your GP, therapist, police liaison officer (if you have one) and/or MP.

    You will find a way through this, just be careful not to make a decision in haste.
    "In the future, everyone will be rich for 15 minutes"
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

293Posts Today

1,499Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • RT @TfLTravelAlerts: Oxford Circus and Bond Street stations now both reopened and all trains are stopping normally.

  • RT @metpoliceuk: We have not located any trace of suspects, evidence of shots fired or casualties. Officers still on scene. If you are in a?

  • My hopes and prayers are that this turns out to be nothing. Stay safe.

  • Follow Martin