Up against things - how to survive?

passatrider · 8 June 2017 at 11:37PM

I'm really at a low point in my life tonight. Things just seem to be stacked against me it seems after a very challenging few days. I'm a 48 yo guy on long term ESA benefit/pip for anxiety/personality disorder. I live alone.
I've fallen out again with a very inconsiderate neighbour. No matter how much I try to be civil towards him, he just has his own agenda. We are both in social housing and basically we've never seen eye to eye. Parking issues, doing car repairs etc. Housing Association don't want to know, just suggest I move.
I found an ideal exchange this last week or so, put in the forms and later find out that the block of flats has drugs issues. I just retracted my application. Now back to square one.

I'm also in dispute with a garage with a faulty car I was sold. Currently driving around one of their courtesy cars but mine has still not been repaired. Now rejected the car as advised and waiting for a response from dealer.

It just seems I'm in conflict with everything at the moment. I know my anxiety disorder does not help and I'm very sensitive to others behaviour. It's easy for people to say ignore the neighbour etc and just get on with your life. Not if you feel as if the whole street is against you.

How do I stay focused when things seem so bleak?

hazyjo · 9 June 2017 at 12:08AM

You'd be hard pushed to find a street, pub or block of flats that doesn't have 'drug issues'.

Are you likely to get another choice or two soon?

passatrider · 9 June 2017 at 12:18AM

hazyjo wrote: »

You'd be hard pushed to find a street, pub or block of flats that doesn't have 'drug issues'.

Are you likely to get another choice or two soon?

Not anytime soon, no. I've used the Homeswappers website already and haven't had much luck to be fair.

My only other option would be to go private rented. However, being on benefits is a huge barrier for landlords. It would also be a huge risk giving up a secure tenancy for a very unpredictable one.

FBaby · 9 June 2017 at 6:00AM

I'm a strong believer that when things go wrong, you need to focus your energy on what you can change to make things better because however little control you think you have over your emotions, it will always be more than the control you have over others to change their ways.

Re. the car. You need to prepare to make a case as to why the repair company is in the wrong. Do you research, put it down on paper, practice what you're going to say and when, how you might escalate matters, what you will do in the meantime.

Re. your neighbours. Write down all their complaints and their rationale for their annoyance. Try to put yourself in their shoes and see why they would be annoyed. Consider whether there are some things you could change and the rest, how you could explain your reasons without leading into conflict.

The best way to combat anxiety to regain the onus of control and the best way to do that is by taking time to prepare, doing research and planning your next actions, step by step.

Good luck.

Fireflyaway · 9 June 2017 at 12:41PM

Try to remember these things happen to everyone at some point. I've had annoying neighbours and my car was nearly written off ( on my birthday!) by someone at work. These issues are unpleasant but part of life. You will survive them and things will improve. Focus on all the good stuff in life and maybe pick one annoyance to deal with. Make a written plan with steps you will follow to tackle the issue. Do you get out at all? Neighbours can seem worse when you are home / near them. I got to the point of dreading walking to and from my car in case I bumped into mine! Could you volunteer? That could maybe help you find work if there is some work you are able to manage and it gives you routine and a sense of achievement.

System · 9 June 2017 at 7:10PM

passatrider wrote: »

It would also be a huge risk giving up a secure tenancy for a very unpredictable one.

Apropos, I heard today (someone correct me if this is wrong) that if you leave your current property and take up a tenancy in another social housing property, your new tenancy will no longer be a lifelong secure tenancy, it will be a five year tenancy only.

KxMx · 9 June 2017 at 8:19PM

I believe it would depend on when current tenancy was started. Beyond a certain date it would remain lifetime.

passatrider · 9 June 2017 at 9:11PM

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Try to remember these things happen to everyone at some point. I've had annoying neighbours and my car was nearly written off ( on my birthday!) by someone at work. These issues are unpleasant but part of life. You will survive them and things will improve. Focus on all the good stuff in life and maybe pick one annoyance to deal with. Make a written plan with steps you will follow to tackle the issue. Do you get out at all? Neighbours can seem worse when you are home / near them. I got to the point of dreading walking to and from my car in case I bumped into mine! Could you volunteer? That could maybe help you find work if there is some work you are able to manage and it gives you routine and a sense of achievement.

Thankyou for your kind words.

Your right, life is full of ups and downs. However, with a personality disorder I see things a bit differently at times. I find it very hard to trust people, although I've had counselling over the years for this.

Today has been a bit more positive. The car issue is moving forward - hopefully resolved by the weekend. I have made piece with my neighbour, even if I'm not his biggest fan. I think it's better to get along rather than have conflict.

I do Volunteer twice a week which really does help. However, I also have a lot of time I spend at home alone so these issues can become magnified sometimes.

whiteguineapig · 9 June 2017 at 10:05PM

i'v no advice but i'm glad you'r feeling better

passatrider · 9 June 2017 at 10:37PM

whiteguineapig wrote: »

i'v no advice but i'm glad you'r feeling better

Thankyou 🙂

Geoff1963 · 9 June 2017 at 11:44PM

The best way to combat anxiety to regain the onus of control

Agreed. Every bad situation you cope with, is one more life experience which helps you to deal with the next one ; and every hardship you endure, is a measure of the strength you have to cope. Pity those who have never faced adversity, because if they ever do, they will have no chance. Katniss Everdeen explains it well in The Hunger Games ; in her District, everyone was so poor, they had a real advantage over those competitors who had always been well fed.

Up against things - how to survive?

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free