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    • passatrider
    • By passatrider 8th Jun 17, 11:37 PM
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    passatrider
    Up against things - how to survive?
    • #1
    • 8th Jun 17, 11:37 PM
    Up against things - how to survive? 8th Jun 17 at 11:37 PM
    I'm really at a low point in my life tonight. Things just seem to be stacked against me it seems after a very challenging few days. I'm a 48 yo guy on long term ESA benefit/pip for anxiety/personality disorder. I live alone.
    I've fallen out again with a very inconsiderate neighbour. No matter how much I try to be civil towards him, he just has his own agenda. We are both in social housing and basically we've never seen eye to eye. Parking issues, doing car repairs etc. Housing Association don't want to know, just suggest I move.
    I found an ideal exchange this last week or so, put in the forms and later find out that the block of flats has drugs issues. I just retracted my application. Now back to square one.

    I'm also in dispute with a garage with a faulty car I was sold. Currently driving around one of their courtesy cars but mine has still not been repaired. Now rejected the car as advised and waiting for a response from dealer.

    It just seems I'm in conflict with everything at the moment. I know my anxiety disorder does not help and I'm very sensitive to others behaviour. It's easy for people to say ignore the neighbour etc and just get on with your life. Not if you feel as if the whole street is against you.

    How do I stay focused when things seem so bleak?
Page 1
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 9th Jun 17, 12:08 AM
    • 9,511 Posts
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    hazyjo
    • #2
    • 9th Jun 17, 12:08 AM
    • #2
    • 9th Jun 17, 12:08 AM
    You'd be hard pushed to find a street, pub or block of flats that doesn't have 'drug issues'.

    Are you likely to get another choice or two soon?
    2017 wins: Opera tickets; film preview; lipstick; Ideal Home Show tickets + afternoon tea & bottle of Champagne; 2 cases of NKD; notebook; bath rack; books; film Premiere; Broadchurch DVDs; lipbalms; hamper (food/wine/Echo Dot/Jo Malone goodies); Avon lippies; cowhide rug; Windsor luxury break, foundation
    • passatrider
    • By passatrider 9th Jun 17, 12:18 AM
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    passatrider
    • #3
    • 9th Jun 17, 12:18 AM
    • #3
    • 9th Jun 17, 12:18 AM
    You'd be hard pushed to find a street, pub or block of flats that doesn't have 'drug issues'.

    Are you likely to get another choice or two soon?
    Originally posted by hazyjo
    Not anytime soon, no. I've used the Homeswappers website already and haven't had much luck to be fair.

    My only other option would be to go private rented. However, being on benefits is a huge barrier for landlords. It would also be a huge risk giving up a secure tenancy for a very unpredictable one.
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 9th Jun 17, 6:00 AM
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    FBaby
    • #4
    • 9th Jun 17, 6:00 AM
    • #4
    • 9th Jun 17, 6:00 AM
    I'm a strong believer that when things go wrong, you need to focus your energy on what you can change to make things better because however little control you think you have over your emotions, it will always be more than the control you have over others to change their ways.

    Re. the car. You need to prepare to make a case as to why the repair company is in the wrong. Do you research, put it down on paper, practice what you're going to say and when, how you might escalate matters, what you will do in the meantime.

    Re. your neighbours. Write down all their complaints and their rationale for their annoyance. Try to put yourself in their shoes and see why they would be annoyed. Consider whether there are some things you could change and the rest, how you could explain your reasons without leading into conflict.

    The best way to combat anxiety to regain the onus of control and the best way to do that is by taking time to prepare, doing research and planning your next actions, step by step.

    Good luck.
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 9th Jun 17, 12:41 PM
    • 1,166 Posts
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    Fireflyaway
    • #5
    • 9th Jun 17, 12:41 PM
    • #5
    • 9th Jun 17, 12:41 PM
    Try to remember these things happen to everyone at some point. I've had annoying neighbours and my car was nearly written off ( on my birthday!) by someone at work. These issues are unpleasant but part of life. You will survive them and things will improve. Focus on all the good stuff in life and maybe pick one annoyance to deal with. Make a written plan with steps you will follow to tackle the issue. Do you get out at all? Neighbours can seem worse when you are home / near them. I got to the point of dreading walking to and from my car in case I bumped into mine! Could you volunteer? That could maybe help you find work if there is some work you are able to manage and it gives you routine and a sense of achievement.
    • avogadro
    • By avogadro 9th Jun 17, 7:10 PM
    • 3,318 Posts
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    avogadro
    • #6
    • 9th Jun 17, 7:10 PM
    • #6
    • 9th Jun 17, 7:10 PM
    It would also be a huge risk giving up a secure tenancy for a very unpredictable one.
    Originally posted by passatrider
    Apropos, I heard today (someone correct me if this is wrong) that if you leave your current property and take up a tenancy in another social housing property, your new tenancy will no longer be a lifelong secure tenancy, it will be a five year tenancy only.
    • KxMx
    • By KxMx 9th Jun 17, 8:19 PM
    • 7,116 Posts
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    KxMx
    • #7
    • 9th Jun 17, 8:19 PM
    • #7
    • 9th Jun 17, 8:19 PM
    I believe it would depend on when current tenancy was started. Beyond a certain date it would remain lifetime.
    • passatrider
    • By passatrider 9th Jun 17, 9:11 PM
    • 786 Posts
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    passatrider
    • #8
    • 9th Jun 17, 9:11 PM
    • #8
    • 9th Jun 17, 9:11 PM
    Try to remember these things happen to everyone at some point. I've had annoying neighbours and my car was nearly written off ( on my birthday!) by someone at work. These issues are unpleasant but part of life. You will survive them and things will improve. Focus on all the good stuff in life and maybe pick one annoyance to deal with. Make a written plan with steps you will follow to tackle the issue. Do you get out at all? Neighbours can seem worse when you are home / near them. I got to the point of dreading walking to and from my car in case I bumped into mine! Could you volunteer? That could maybe help you find work if there is some work you are able to manage and it gives you routine and a sense of achievement.
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway
    Thankyou for your kind words.

    Your right, life is full of ups and downs. However, with a personality disorder I see things a bit differently at times. I find it very hard to trust people, although I've had counselling over the years for this.

    Today has been a bit more positive. The car issue is moving forward - hopefully resolved by the weekend. I have made piece with my neighbour, even if I'm not his biggest fan. I think it's better to get along rather than have conflict.

    I do Volunteer twice a week which really does help. However, I also have a lot of time I spend at home alone so these issues can become magnified sometimes.
    • whiteguineapig
    • By whiteguineapig 9th Jun 17, 10:05 PM
    • 988 Posts
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    whiteguineapig
    • #9
    • 9th Jun 17, 10:05 PM
    • #9
    • 9th Jun 17, 10:05 PM
    i'v no advice but i'm glad you'r feeling better
    • passatrider
    • By passatrider 9th Jun 17, 10:37 PM
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    passatrider
    i'v no advice but i'm glad you'r feeling better
    Originally posted by whiteguineapig
    Thankyou 🙂
    • Geoff1963
    • By Geoff1963 9th Jun 17, 11:44 PM
    • 1,063 Posts
    • 667 Thanks
    Geoff1963
    The best way to combat anxiety to regain the onus of control
    Agreed. Every bad situation you cope with, is one more life experience which helps you to deal with the next one ; and every hardship you endure, is a measure of the strength you have to cope. Pity those who have never faced adversity, because if they ever do, they will have no chance. Katniss Everdeen explains it well in The Hunger Games ; in her District, everyone was so poor, they had a real advantage over those competitors who had always been well fed.
    • passatrider
    • By passatrider 10th Jun 17, 7:33 PM
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    passatrider
    OP, I can very much relate to what you have written. As someone with a PD also I am in the same situation as you with inconsiderate neighbours and a housing association that do not care.

    I wish I could offer some useful advice but I wouldn't know where to start.

    I wish you peace and luck.
    Originally posted by george1968_
    Ah, bless you. I don't think people realise how tough it can be in our situation. We are on speaking terms next door again, but I do not trust them as far as I can throw them. The housing Associations response is either ignore them or move. There's no answer to that really.

    I wish you well too 🙂
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 15th Jun 17, 11:35 AM
    • 2,447 Posts
    • 5,966 Thanks
    ska lover
    I suffer with anxiety and I find keeping busy helps. If I didn't work I think I would be back to self harming in a big way.


    I probably work too much, but If I don't, I overthink everything.
    Blah blah blah.
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