Alcoholic 'Family' Member

Kayalana99 · 28 July 2014 at 9:27AM

I was just wondering if someone is drinking themselves to death, is their any help out their considering they don't want help?

It's at the point now where they aren't eating more then a yoghurt / bit of fruit a day, pain constantly 'turning yellow' so to speak...

But they don't want any help ... won't go to the doctors etc....

?

duchy · 28 July 2014 at 9:35AM

If they genuinely don't want help then no you can't force them.

It's horribly sad.....I've seen it first hand too but if they are genuinely rejecting all intervention there's really nothing you can do for them

please-let-me-be-lucky · 28 July 2014 at 9:43AM

My Dad was an alcoholic and drank himself to death aged 50. He went into rehab and stopped for a while then decided to ignore the Consultant when he said one more drink would kill him .....

I'd say if the person themselves won't accept help then you can't do anything for them. The best you can do is get help for yourself and others who are affected by this person's drinking. Al annon have a family help section on their website and counselling etc can be very useful. 8 years later I'm still angry with my Dad but I know I did everything I could have to get him help, so I'm at peace with myself on that score. I also appreciate addiction is a disease that people do not choose. Unfortunately everyone suffers, not just the person afflicted by it.

Can you take something round which will tempt them to eat? Xx

19lottie82 · 28 July 2014 at 9:50AM

if they are losing their mental capacity badly, then you could try and get them sectioned, but unless they want help, this won't even help, long term,.....

danih · 28 July 2014 at 9:55AM

This is beyond your control. They won't take control over their drinking until they are ready to do so. An alcoholic will justify their own drinking to themselves, and in their own minds have a good enough reason for each drink. You cannot make them stop drinking.

There are some things you can do to help.
- try to make sure the foods they will eat are easily available - yogurt always in the fridge, fruit always in the fruit bowl etc. Same with any non-alcoholic drinks or mixers.
- if possible make sure someone who knows them sees or speaks to them daily. Easier if you live with them. If not, family members, friends, neighbours who are all sensible enough to dial 999 is needed are great.
- If you can, encourage beers, ciders, etc rather then spirits. The more diluted the alcohol content per mouthful the better. Adding coke / lemonade etc to spirits helps - but this can be so variable.
-GP's can do house calls if your family member con't go to them. Encourage GP visits as frequently as possible, even for minor things. Over a period of time it can be good for the GP to see any changes in their condition.

Your GP will have contact details for any local detox services, and can refer to them if your family member is ready for that. A large proportion of alcoholics who get as far as detox services relapse after the first detox - this is common enough to be a normal part of recovery. That rest from the alcohol is good for the body, and can be an added incentive for the next time.

Best of luck!!!

StumpyPumpy · 28 July 2014 at 10:14AM

danih wrote: »

-GP's can do house calls if your family member can't go to them. Encourage GP visits as frequently as possible, even for minor things. Over a period of time it can be good for the GP to see any changes in their condition.

"Can't" is different to "won't" and as Netdoctor says

Many patients believe there is an automatic right to a home visit from a GP between 8am and 6.30pm, but this is not the case.
[snip]
The one thing guaranteed to damage a doctor-patient relationship is to ask for a home visit when it's not medically necessary and then be out when the doctor arrives at your home.
In the time it takes to see one person at home, your GP can see between two and four patients at the surgery.
For this reason, if you request a home visit, your GP may call you back to find out more about your problem before deciding to come out.

Home visits should be reserved for when the patient absolutely can't get to the surgery, not for a whim, or to try and force someone to get treatment when they don't want it.

However sad and tragic and damaging the consequences, alcoholism is not a crime.

SP

ljonski · 28 July 2014 at 10:15AM

Ive found this.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/alcohol_abuse_alcoholism_signs_effects_treatment.htm

You could print off some similar articles and leave them around to be read.
Also take photos of the individual whilst inebreated and show them to them whenever sober.

Alchololism is so destructive and the greatest weapon that you have is love

duchy · 28 July 2014 at 10:37AM

I watched a friend go from healthy to barely able to eat and turning yellow. Even several bouts in hospital didnt help.......eventually she was hospitalized for several months so had no access to alcohol . The hospital started to consider a liver transplant if she stayed dry after discharge......three days later she went into multiple organ failure and died.
She was forty three......it was such a bloody waste.

jackyann · 28 July 2014 at 11:35AM

Sympathies OP.

2 suggestions:
1. contact Alcoholics Anonymous. They have a good network (though of course, variable locally) for family members. You may get helpful suggestions, you will definitely get support.
2. Write to the GP, explaining and asking that the letter be put in the notes. I am not sure that a GP would do a home visit "on spec" but if alerted by a letter, they will be aware at any contact.

Good luck

p00hsticks · 28 July 2014 at 11:53AM

You have my sympathy - I've been there myself.

Unfortunately, as others have said, there's nothing you can really do unless and until they decide that they want to change themselves.

Just make sure that they know that if and when they decide want to change, you will give them every assistance to do so.

And in the meantime, try Al-Anon, who give support to friends and family of alcoholics.

Sandypan · 28 July 2014 at 11:55AM

Desperate situation for everybody involved, I know from personal experience you feel so frustrated, angry and useless but when this happened recently with a family member we vowed never to give up on them, however bad it got. In the end despite trying literally everything inc rehab they died aged 53 and are now at rest. We are left grieving for a dear sister but at least we know that we never gave up on them and continued to tell them how much we loved them and giving them something to live for.

Alcoholic 'Family' Member

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