Husband overspending - ideas?

confused83 · 18 April 2013 at 8:38AM

I am looking for some advice here.

On paper we should be coming out with between £400 and £500 a month excess to pay towards out debts. In reality we are only just managing to scape through the month. I have gone through the last 6 months bank statements and divided up all the spending and the amount my husband is spending on 'miscellaneous' and 'junk food' is ridiculous. He does all the food shopping before I get home from work and the amount spent in the supermarkets is at least £200 more than it should be a month. We have the extra money because he has worked hard and been promoted but he is spending as if the money is his to spend and we are not in debt! I have spoken to him about this and you can see a slight improvement over the last couple of months but still the overspend is horrific.

He did offer to hand over his debit card but he needs access to some money (the credit cards have long been destroyed). I am thinking about setting him up a basic bank account which I can give him a set amount of money for 'miscellaneous' and food shopping a month (around £200) to try to keep as much money in the main joint account as possible (and hopefully teach him how to budget!) Sadly there is no point getting a budgeting account for me as I have taken the no spending mantel up to the point of stupidity.

If I can get the 400-500 a month we will be free in 2 and half years but I need his help! Do you think the basic account idea will work

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R_P_W · 18 April 2013 at 9:46AM

how old is he? You would like to think that a grown man could recognise the issue and that the solution is within easy grasp and just do what it takes to achieve it?!

Your suggestion above may well work, but should you really need to go to such lengths? Is he comfortable with the fact that he will effectively be given his 'pocket money' for the month.

foxgloves · 18 April 2013 at 11:42AM

Can you not work on your monthly budget together, or at least if you are working on the budget, have a bit of a head to head that evening & look at exactly what is in each pot & available to spend. I do have some sympathy for this situation. I had my LBM before my husband. He then came on board with it, & became good at not frittering money on stuff like dvds, cds, etc, but struggled initiallywith the concept that if, for example, the monthly budget for food has been set at £200 for that month, then that's what is available. If more money than this is spent, it has to come from something else. After a few months of extra stuff coming home with the shopping because it was a bargain or the wine rack being topped up, etc, I started saying 'Oh ok, so we're £30 over this week, what shall we do without?' When he started seeing each overspend as money that now wouldn't be able to go in the holiday savings pot or in the Christmas fund or towards buying something we both wanted, it just seemed to click. Recently, he's started saying he'd like a mobile phone upgrade & the contract is £10 higher a month than his current one & again, I asked what he'd like to swap the extra £10 from....for instance, we could knowck it off the food budget, or holiday savings, or cancel Lovefilm or whatever. It doesn't get into an argument.....I do the budget for the month once wages are in our account & we go through how it's looking for the month, whether we have any 'spare' money or whether it's a tight month needing all targets to be stuck to like glue. This does work for us. The mindset changed, but it took a little longer to translate it into practical actions. We've sussed it now though x

paulineb_2 · 18 April 2013 at 11:47AM

Can you not do the food shopping together on a day when you are both free? Im not suggesting that you have to stand over him and watch everything he does, but surely you can shop in lower cost shops, for example Aldi, Lidl. I shop at Aldi and occasionally at Tesco but Im shopping more at Aldi because the prices in Tesco are ridiculous.

Also, meal plan. Im not a meat eater and that keeps costs down but I can make an evening meal which would feed 2 people for less than 3 quid. Seriously, if I had someone who was awful at budgeting and was buying all the food and I was better at it, Id probably just do it myself.

MOGGYMALONE · 18 April 2013 at 11:49AM

Have you seen the price of food lately? I dont mean that in a nasty way - but if he does all the shopping - you may not have noticed the sharp increase in the cost of food/living. The only advice i can suggest is to write a list of goods and buy only the things on the list and see what it works out at. Only necessities just to see what happens with the total cost. I'm forever amazed at how expensive things are and i think supermarkets are tempting people to buy things they dont need.
ALso, work out your budget and use cash. Then you cant be tempted.
good luck moggs

Pee · 18 April 2013 at 11:55AM

So he is currently spending £200 more than he needs to and you would like the shopping budget to be £200 a month? I don't know whether you have children, but certainly that is possible. Halving the shopping budget on the other hand, however possible, is not going to be easy.

You do need to talk to him and agree the solutions together, and maybe look at a slightly longer repayment plan whereby he still gets some treats for his hard work, but also reduces the debts.

tyllwyd · 18 April 2013 at 12:00PM

I agree with a previous poster that the cost of food shopping keeps creeping up, so your OH might not be as extravagant as it looks.

How about doing the main shop online each week? That way you can both see how much is being spent. Then if you agree a budget of, say, £50 per week for bits and pieces, he can have that in his wallet at the start of the week.

foxgloves · 18 April 2013 at 12:13PM

Agree that meal planning & cooking from scratch really does knock grocery spending down. We can feed both of us on £200 a month & that generally includes a few extra things to put in the freezer too for the next month.

paulineb_2 · 18 April 2013 at 12:20PM

And I know its not everyones favourite place but I buy a lot of stuff from approved foods, staples like pasta, rice, noodles and also if I do want snacks I buy them from there rather than the supermarket.

And shop around as well. You get to know which shops sell reduced fruit, veg and bread at certain times. I find Morrisons good for reduced fruit and veg. Ive also said it on other threads, but make the most of every single bit of food you have. Dont waste anything.

If you have leftover meat or veg, chuck it in a pot of soup. Leftovers for lunches for work. Also certain shops like Iceland, they are more limited than the bigger stores, but I bought some veggie burgers in Iceland for a quid, asda do them for 2 quid. If you have time to shop in more than one supermarket you will get to know what supermarket does certain big brands cheaper.

Cut down on microwaved dinners if you buy them, also pre packed sandwiches, make your own. Once you start seeing what you are saving it will give you the boost to carry on.

confused83 · 18 April 2013 at 3:36PM

I know that food planning would be very helpful but we have the awful situation of living next door to a supermarket. For years we have just popped in to get what we need for the meal then cook it. He does the cooking while I am commuting home so I really shouldn't be complaining too much. The problems is the frequent pops over makes you loose track of spending. I know this need sorting though hence the access to an account with less money in it may help!

Looking at the spending, most of the spending is done during the working day - keeping up with his new colleagues at cafes and working lunches. He says my (lovely) home made sandwiches don't cut it when he is will his colleagues so he joins them.

I don't know why he will not save money. He knows about everything, I try to encourage (not nag!) whenever I can. He manages a large budget at work but at home he never looks at the bank statements - that treat goes to me!

Maybe this has just been a weight around our neck for so many years he does not believe my plans to get rid of it. For years we managed to just get by day to day making hte minimum repayments and hopefully getting through the month in credit. Now he has been promoted and we have more money coming in he wants to spend!

paulineb_2 · 18 April 2013 at 3:45PM

The thing is, he can only carry on like that for so long until he realises how much of his and your money is going out on food. Im on a low income and I do also have debts to pay, but the less I have, the better I am at managing money, I have to shop around for food. If I go on a meal out its a groupon or a local cheap restaurant.

The bottom line is, somehow you have to get him to see that frittering away money while you still have debts to pay is just going to cost you more money in the long run.

And no matter really if you live next door to a supermarket, my home town is full of them, you can still meal plan and budget.

Maybe you need to work out at the rate of his current spending how long you'll be in debt compared to whether you actually use some of the money hes frittering away on attacking the debt.

Husband overspending - ideas?

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