Getting other half involved

Mammy0f4 · 21 February 2013 at 10:33AM

How on earth do I get my other half on board with this money saving and paying off the debts.

I'm close to going mental with him. I'm struggling to get the spending down and get things under control and he just isn't on the same page as me.

We've spoken about it all before and I try to be careful how I word things as he's an all or nothing kinda guy. Last time I mentioned how seriously we needed to treat our debts he started doing tons of overtime and hardly seeing the kids and making himself ill. The extra money didn't help as much as it should have because I was struggling with the 3 kids and being pregnant so ended up going for lots of convenience things to help us through the day (takeaways, etc.)

This time I've tried to word it so it seems like a good idea to pay off the £4.5 grand on the credit card before the 0% runs out this year. And how nice it'd be to start overpaying on the mortgage to save us interest payments on that. He seemed to go for the idea (again). Then today turned around and said about he wants to save up for the new xbox (due out around Christmas). He's got a perfectly fine xbox now so I said what about the 'want vs need' thing and he stomped off muttering under his breath. This is the same sort of rubbish I get off him when I say about please stop buying energy drinks in the shop on the way to work (works out about -£3.50 per shift).

I just don't know how to get the point across without causing problems one way or another!

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Mammy0f4 · 21 February 2013 at 10:41AM

And yesterday he said about I wouldn't have to stress about the money so much if I didn't account for/budget down to the last 10p!!!

We've got a potential £600 PPI claim too and I know he's just hoping to spend that on tat too so I'm not looking forward to if and when the cheque for that comes through!

Malkin157 · 21 February 2013 at 10:48AM

Compromise - I would say for every £10 we pay off the debt you can have £1 towards the new xbox.

Therefore if you pay off the £4500 he has £450 for the xbox/tat.

Get a spreadsheet going. Visualising it helps.

Thrifty_Pixie · 21 February 2013 at 11:14AM

i agree with Malkin - sometimes you need a little sugar to ease the pill

also that will encourage him to save more so that he gets his xbox money quicker.

have you posted an SOA here?

The_Boss · 21 February 2013 at 11:31AM

It is difficult to get through to some people. Many years ago a gf of mine hated me being on this 'penny pinching' site and had no interest because she earned £50k in her job and that apparently entitled her to fritter away money - e.g. we would order Chinese takeaway and she would get a rice, noodles and three mains for herself so she could mix and match and throw the leftovers away (not even save them for the next day!). Whenever I questiones this she would just say that it was her money and her choice what she did with it.

You won't be suprised which of us was the one with ccjs and history of not paying debts on time. The lax attitude to wasting money but not caring about her financial history was astounding.

Mammy0f4 · 21 February 2013 at 11:34AM

I haven't posted a SOA. I will try and sort one later (taking kids out to park in a minute). I've organised and budgeted for everything i can think of and done my own spreadsheets (not new to the moneysavingexpert ideas just new to actually paying off the debts with the left over money instead of spending it!) I like the idea of one for every ten pounds but am scared it'll make him obsess about it and live in work again -he's got an addictive personality.

The_Boss · 21 February 2013 at 11:38AM

Mammy0f4 wrote: »

I haven't posted a SOA. I will try and sort one later (taking kids out to park in a minute). I've organised and budgeted for everything i can think of and done my own spreadsheets (not new to the moneysavingexpert ideas just new to actually paying off the debts with the left over money instead of spending it!) I like the idea of one for every ten pounds but am scared it'll make him obsess about it and live in work again -he's got an addictive personality.

Could you sit down to discuss this and point out examples of where you have cut back on things that you want to help pay off the debt? What concerns me is that as soon as he gets his new X-box he will want new games too, which will set you back further. He needs to buy into this too or the debts will take longer to resolve and more pressure/resentment will build.

Mammy0f4 · 21 February 2013 at 12:02PM

Exactly! There's always something. Stopped smoking so he went for chocolate, stopped that so he went for energy drinks. Got a kinect coz he was desperate for it then after that made sure he had money for a weekend away with the boys and now it's new xbox.

Mammy0f4 · 21 February 2013 at 12:21PM

I think i'll have to just go for it and explain money in general and our debt to him and keep my fingers crossed that he doesn't go off the deep end and do too much overtime and worrying again. He only has limited knowledge about money. If you asked him about our mortgage he'd tell you we pay it every month but couldn't tell you what type it is, how long is left to pay, how much we pay and how much interest is added, etc...

start2013debtfree · 21 February 2013 at 12:37PM

Ahhhh my hubby is the same! Every day before payday I post our monthly budget sheet on the fridge, email it to him and tell him what were paying off this month, yet every month without fail he squanders £60-£70 on utter rubbish. He bought him and his work colleague tea at the airport yesterday (which I obv don't mind as the friend drove them there, I'm not totally heartless) but switched it and got £20 cashback?????? £25 for tea!

Thrifty_Pixie · 21 February 2013 at 12:49PM

start2013debtfree wrote: »

£25 for tea!

i don't know why, but this really made me giggle.

think i'll go and lie down now...

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