6 month old won't let me go.

bylromarha · 2 February 2005 at 10:08AM

While it is very flattering, my baby won't be left with others. He screams the house down until I return to the room. I have tried to leave him at various creches and with trusted friends for short periods of time (with me always in the building) but I am fetched after 5 mins as jovial happy baby has turned into a monster.

He is fully breastfed and I'm now officailly a "homemaker"...so I know this doesn't help the seperation thing, but are there any tips anyone has so that maybe I could leave him for over 10mins? Or is it just a phase that we need to go through?

Thanks

bylromarha · 2 February 2005 at 10:11AM

PS...Just ignore my signature too I have never been an advisor for anything !I forgot to uncheck the box...does anyone also know how I can default the signature box to always be unchecked as I keep offering advise I can't give!

Sarahsaver · 2 February 2005 at 10:17AM

Its a normal stage of cognitive development, if anything your child has reached a developmental milestone early and you can rightly be proud! You shouldnt always give in to be 'fetched' if babes is upset, unless you really have to, because the clever little thing is learning about cause and effect.
I spose as you are breastfed you have the added glory of being 'dinner on legs' so have you expressed some milk and tried giving it to your baby in a cup, so that other people can do the same. Wear a t-shirt in bed and then give this to your baby so it can smell you when you are not around.
Good luck.
Let me know if you think i can help any more. I have 3 kids and have studied psychology.

Queenie · 2 February 2005 at 10:19AM

It's a phase - worry if it's still happening at 21yo

You could try playing Peek-A-Boo - seriously! - it can help him learn that out of sight doesn't mean gone forever. One of the reasons it's such good entertainment for that age group.

Distraction is always a good ploy (with kids of varying ages - even teens!); if he is happily engrossed in something that captures his interest, he won't even notice you have gone. However, you need to build up gradually (don't want to scar/e the little chap

)

Also, he may well develop a particular fondness for a blanket/toy/item that he will seek comfort from when you are not around.

After 5 kids, I can positively assure you, it is only a phase in his development and he will grow out of it - in *his* time though

Best of luck, I know it can be very frustrating and trying for you when you have a need to be/go somewhere. Take each day as it comes; you *will* survive

Queenie · 2 February 2005 at 10:21AM

bylromarha wrote:

PS...Just ignore my signature too I have never been an advisor for anything !I forgot to uncheck the box...does anyone also know how I can default the signature box to always be unchecked as I keep offering advise I can't give!

Go to "User CP" along the top pink bar above and you will be able to edit your signature or erase it completely. HTH

sce37 · 2 February 2005 at 11:49PM

At 6 months old I think it is a bit young for your baby to have started developing the cognitive skills appropriate to attachment and distress when separated. That usually starts from 1-2 years of age. It might though be that because you breast feed your baby is very much bonded to mother and food and the 'smell' of mum (not that you smell of course lol). When detached from that security your baby will react in a distressed manner.
I am afraid it is a phase that you have to go through but it does get better.

trafalgar_2 · 2 February 2005 at 11:57PM

Aw shame that's Payless's signature ........anybody seen Payless lately:D

jo_b_2 · 3 February 2005 at 12:22AM

sce37 wrote:

At 6 months old I think it is a bit young for your baby to have started developing the cognitive skills appropriate to attachment and distress when separated. That usually starts from 1-2 years of age. It might though be that because you breast feed your baby is very much bonded to mother and food and the 'smell' of mum (not that you smell of course lol). When detached from that security your baby will react in a distressed manner.
I am afraid it is a phase that you have to go through but it does get better.

Sorry, don't wish to start off by disagreeing with you, sce37, but as both a Mum and somebody who has studied Child Development (at MA level), six months is EXACTLY the right age for this behaviour to develop. The technical term is separation anxiety and, as other people have said, your baby doesn't have the cognitive ability to realise that you will continue to exist once you are out of her sight.

It is basically a natural reaction and will gradually get easier. This is a sign that your baby is securely attached to you. You should be worried if your baby isn't showing this sort of behaviour at about this stage of her development. (Certainly by about 9 months, excluding any developmental delay for any other reasons.)

Spikey_2 · 3 February 2005 at 12:33AM

jo_b wrote:

Sorry, don't wish to start off by disagreeing with you, sce37, but as both a Mum and somebody who has studied Child Development (at MA level), six months is EXACTLY the right age for this behaviour to develop. The technical term is separation anxiety and, as other people have said, your baby doesn't have the cognitive ability to realise that you will continue to exist once you are out of her sight.

It is basically a natural reaction and will gradually get easier. This is a sign that your baby is securely attached to you. You should be worried if your baby isn't showing this sort of behaviour at about this stage of her development. (Certainly by about 9 months, excluding any developmental delay for any other reasons.)

Absolutely correct.... remember there is no such thing as spoiling a child... give the child all the love and affection you want and your attachment will grow to become a very secure one.

Jay-Jay_4 · 3 February 2005 at 12:00PM

Byrolmarha (sp?)

My baby's 12 months and is the same.

She's breastfed and I'm a "homemaker" too

I swear that she learnt to crawl early so that she could follow me around. She's not quite as bad now but still if I go into the kitchen to get something, she cries and races after me. I walk around the kitchen with her attached to my leg.

She's not so bad if her Dad or my other daughter is around for her to play with but as we're usually alone together she's used to having me with her all the time. I've been known to sit her in front of the TV with a few chocolate buttons, just so that I can put the kettle on. :rolleyes:

I've heard about seperation anxiety and try to keep her close but occupied. So I have a highchair in the kitchen for if I'm cooking, otherwise let her follow me around. I give her different things to occupy her wherever we are in the house.

She does cry when I leave her with other people (grandma usually) but she always calms down after a short while but as soon as she sees me again the crying begins until I pick her up.

Although you feel cruel leaving her when she's obviously distressed, it's important that you get some time for yourself, even if it's just nipping out to the shop on your own.

Can you get someone on board to help you? Make sure that she's not tired or hungry... explain to them that she may cry and be inconsoleable but could they please distract her for say 10/15 minutes (It's times like this that a couple of white chocolate buttons are a godsend) while you nip to the shops. Don't stand outside the door with your stomach in knots... leave the building.

It may take 10 minutes to calm her down so don't come back too early, could you take a mobile phone and ring to see how it's going?

If you can do this and be confident that she 'will' eventually calm down you may feel better about leaving her for longer.

Squidgy · 3 February 2005 at 10:16PM

Thankfully my daughter was never too bad about being apart from me.

Out of curiousity, can I ask whether you feel overly protective of your child? Please understand this is no critisism, just plain curiousity about how kids tick. I've always been very strict with my daughter with things like that, and she's never been shy/scared of other people.

I know it's hard, but don't go back after 5 minutes. Each time leave it 5 minutes longer. It's the same thing you do when sleep training. If you can face it leave the house while you are doing this. Women are very sensitive to their children crying so being able to hear it will make you feel worse, I promise it will not harm your child. Get some fresh air, walk round the block, whatever. I promise it will get better.

Squidgy x

6 month old won't let me go.

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