Esa hell ..desperate for feedback and advice anyone please :-)
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skcollobcat10 wrote: »I think if you daughter lives with you she has to pay her way with regards bed and board because she is not a dependant. This would have helped the financial strain that you have.
Thankyou ...i have just written a post about this ..:-)0 -
I've just read through all the replies in your thread and i haven't seen 1 person accusing you of being a benefit scrounger. I've only read comments of others trying to help you!!My daughter gets a small loan .She is also chronically unwell and struggles her way admireably through uni.We have the same condition.Up untill she went to uni and i went on to ESA we both worked in the care profession.She does not want to claim for her illness and i respect that.She helps out when she she can but it is sporadic.I have had to borrow 100s from her over the last year (which i still owe her ) in order to keep my car on the road(which i need) and pay bills and other debts.We often have had no food in the house.This is very demeaning indeed since i am the parent not her.
She already doesnt have much of a life due to her conditions and is trying to save to move out which is proving difficult ,so i wouldnt expect her to help more than she already does when she can . Apart from any of that, her situation is irrelevant to my ESA situation.
I mention all this as im getting the distinct impression there are people on this forum that assume some people on ESA are benefits scroungers from some posts ive read.
I dont think many people would choose to put themselves through the hell we as a family have been through the last year for 73 pounds a week purely to avoid going to work which i would give anything to be able to do And still very much hope to do in the future.0 -
I have had to borrow 100s from her over the last year (which i still owe her ) in order to keep my car on the road(which i need) and pay bills and other debts.We often have had no food in the house.This is very demeaning indeed since i am the parent not her.
She already doesnt have much of a life due to her conditions and is trying to save to move out which is proving difficult ,so i wouldnt expect her to help more than she already does when she can.
Unfortunately, the reality is, that you can't afford to carry your daughter. With no food in the house, your other child is suffering. Your eldest is an adult now and irrespective of if you are the mother or not, it is time for her to pay her way, which includes a contribution to household bills and the food that she eats.
In different circumstances it would be your choice if you didn't accept a contribution but getting to the stage where there is no food in the house, I don't think you can continue to try and carry her, not when a portion of her student loan is for living expenses.There is something delicious about writing the first words of a story. You never quite know where they'll take you - Beatrix Potter0 -
I am sorry to har of your situation.
I have, like you have been tortured over the past 2 years...myself having to make a 1st time Esa claim after I was made to visit a Doctor for the 1st time in 6 years.
Don't listen to people who are sitting comfortably getting all the benefits but judging others.
My only advice to you is to try and make DWP aware that your proof of illnesses/new claim was for the same illness and your claim should be assessed/included from 2016 before the Esa changes in March 2017.
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JJWSJS8700 wrote: »My only advice to you is to try and make DWP aware that your proof of illnesses/new claim was for the same illness and your claim should be assessed/included from 2016 before the Esa changes in March 2017.they would not be able to take my new evidence (of new conditions) into account
The OP has said the new evidence was for new conditions, not the same illness There is something delicious about writing the first words of a story. You never quite know where they'll take you - Beatrix Potter0 -
Unfortunately, the reality is, that you can't afford to carry your daughter. With no food in the house, your other child is suffering. Your eldest is an adult now and irrespective of if you are the mother or not, it is time for her to pay her way, which includes a contribution to household bills and the food that she eats.
In different circumstances it would be your choice if you didn't accept a contribution but getting to the stage where there is no food in the house, I don't think you can continue to try and carry her, not when a portion of her student loan is for living expenses.
Thankyou pipkin this is what im saying in my post ... ..shes a good girl and does what she can .she has her own expenses too .We are still very much struggling ..As i am sure you know, the cost of living right now is out of this world ..this is our reality im afraid.0 -
JJWSJS8700 wrote: »I am sorry to har of your situation.
I have, like you have been tortured over the past 2 years...myself having to make a 1st time Esa claim after I was made to visit a Doctor for the 1st time in 6 years.
Don't listen to people who are sitting comfortably getting all the benefits but judging others.
My only advice to you is to try and make DWP aware that your proof of illnesses/new claim was for the same illness and your claim should be assessed/included from 2016 before the Esa changes in March 2017.
I am sorry for yours too and everyone who goes through this.
it is highly demeaning and distressing .you have my deepest sympathy.
And yes as stated my "new"claim was based on a worsening of my origional condition(s) and a new one .
All conditions are worse thsn ever now due to the chronic stress.
i am sure you can relate and i hope things get sorted for you as soon as possible .0 -
No one had judged the OP!JJWSJS8700 wrote: »I am sorry to har of your situation.
I have, like you have been tortured over the past 2 years...myself having to make a 1st time Esa claim after I was made to visit a Doctor for the 1st time in 6 years.
Don't listen to people who are sitting comfortably getting all the benefits but judging others.
My only advice to you is to try and make DWP aware that your proof of illnesses/new claim was for the same illness and your claim should be assessed/included from 2016 before the Esa changes in March 2017.0 -
Thankyou pipkin this is what im saying in my post ... ..shes a good girl and does what she can .she has her own expenses too .We are still very much struggling ..As i am sure you know, the cost of living right now is out of this world ..this is our reality im afraid.
It's not easy, fumin.
I've not been in your position so have no first hand knowledge but I am a mum with two non dependents and have claimed both ESA and PIP.
I do totally understand you not wanting to have a regular contributory amount off your daughter but at this moment in time, I honestly don't think you have a choice.
Look at it like this: your daughter, living at home, having her own expenses and paying you a regular contribution is a lot cheaper than your daughter, living in her own place, having her own expenses and paying her own bills / buying food.
I think you need to sit down and have a chat with her.
Some other useful advice on the board was to speak with the DWP as you are struggling to repay the loan. Hopefully they can reduce the repayments so that will free up a bit more money.
Good luck with it all There is something delicious about writing the first words of a story. You never quite know where they'll take you - Beatrix Potter0
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