Spend less now, work less later...

enthusiasticsaver · 12 December 2017 at 9:16PM

Yes. You do not really need him making things harder. £550 on loan payments on top of a fairly high mortgage and now credit card is taking you to fairly high debt levels. Don't get me wrong, you have lots of disposable income but if either of you lost your job or you had a baby would make it a real struggle.

EscapingTheAlarm · 12 December 2017 at 9:33PM

You’re completely right. I’m not sure that he can see that we would be in quite a precarious position if anything happened to our income! I try really hard to look for the positives in every situation but this one is proving quite difficult!

camz2017 · 13 December 2017 at 1:31AM

Just to be clear, your finances and his need to have some seperation if he is not on the same page. Where these debts are his, ensure he pays them not you... This deposit is on his credit card right, not a joint one?

It's impossible to make someone else have a light bulb moment, you can only control your stuff. Ensure none of his credit touches your name in anyway shape or form, please do not bail him out in future, he needs to learn the hard way. Once he has to struggle you will be surprised how he will turn around, if you bail him out he will continue the same way.

Might sound harsh but you should not be picking up his mess he is a grown man. I am in a mess and I would not dream of asking anyone else to sort it out!

Does he have a plan to pay off this credit card debt? Do you think you have accumulated debt as you have not budgeted? Before this car was put on a credit card, was a budget drawn up to know X can be repaid to credit card and paid off by a specific time - and then logically, was it realistic? Spontaneous purchases cannot happen, it's how I got into 30k of debt. Life cannot be so spontaneous I have learnt the hard way.

Anyway - you are doing AMAZING personally, so don't let this take away from that, and you may need to start judging your debts and his as seperate things.

enthusiasticsaver · 13 December 2017 at 7:25AM

Camz has some wise words there re your DH if he is not fully onboard with debt busting. There are lots of diaries on here where only one party in a partnership is on board with clearing debt and it makes it doubly hard when sometimes all you are doing is counteracting your DHs poor financial decisions. I think a conversation is needed here.

I understand he was poorly last year and this has maybe made you feel that he should be able to buy anything he wants but he is not a child and you are not his mother and taking on new debt without discussing it first is very selfish. From the sound of it though he is on board with the debt clearing but cars seem to be a hobby of his and for some reason excluded from being budgeted or economising over. If you are paying £500 per month towards the debt then this will push your DFD back 8 months if he has added £4K to the debt. Is that the deposit? What is his plan to find the money to pay it off or is he just expecting you to sort it?

EscapingTheAlarm · 13 December 2017 at 3:33PM

Hello!
Thank you both for your advice! You’re both right and I think we do need a conversation... I’m waiting for him to notice that I’m upset though so I’ll keep you updated (it might be this time next year 😂).
I feel very strongly about us being a team so I am happy to help him pay off his debts but I need reassurance from him that he gets no more cars before we’ve paid off this debt AND saved up for the deposit. I feel a bit of a joke saying that though as I won’t believe him even if he does promise...
Enthusiasticsaver, you’re right about him being onboard with everything other than cars so I do still have faith that we can crack this. I’m just gutted he’s been so selfish and tripped us up already.
Camz- thank you for your comment about me doing well personally- I needed that! 😊

On a lighter note, a group of us girls are getting together tonight at one of their houses. They’re all having a takeaway but I’m going to eat before I go so that I don’t have to spend anything. It won’t counteract DH’s deposit, but it’s better than just giving up!

6 days until payday...

enthusiasticsaver · 13 December 2017 at 3:53PM

You are meant to be a team so really major spending decisions should be run past each other. My DH and I set a limit and we would not spend above that limit without discussing it with the other first. Years ago when money was tight it was quite low like £50 but even now unless from our personal spends neither of us tend to spend more than £100 from joint account or from joint credit card. Definitely something like a car would be run by the other first.

camz2017 · 15 December 2017 at 5:13AM

I’m waiting for him to notice that I’m upset though so I’ll keep you updated (it might be this time next year 😂).

Wow we are so different, if I'm upset it takes no time at all for my OH to realise something is wrong, I make all hell rain down literally.

I feel very strongly about us being a team so I am happy to help him pay off his debts but I need reassurance from him that he gets no more cars before we’ve paid off this debt AND saved up for the deposit. I feel a bit of a joke saying that though as I won’t believe him even if he does promise...

OK, you best not mean you are happy to pay down his newly found debt... As a guy, I absolutely would take advantage of someone willing to pay down my debts, and I wouldn't respect you more for paying down my debts, I would just think you're a sucker lol. The only way to deal with this is to get tough, it's not your problem, get him paying it back monthly and watch him suffer making the repayments.

Camz- thank you for your comment about me doing well personally- I needed that! 😊

Glad to hear!

On a lighter note, a group of us girls are getting together tonight at one of their houses. They’re all having a takeaway but I’m going to eat before I go so that I don’t have to spend anything. It won’t counteract DH’s deposit, but it’s better than just giving up!

My general feeling is would he do the same for you ie forego takeaway with his friends so you could spend recklessly?

EscapingTheAlarm · 15 December 2017 at 8:23PM

Phew! I've had a busy few days at work but they're done now and I'm looking forward to a lie in tomorrow!
DH hasn't done himself any favours this week but his behaviour with this car isn't a representation of who he is normally is and I reckon that this will be his only disgrace for a long while!
We sorted things last night and he has definitely seen how upset he made me with his actions - I feel reassured that it won't happen again!

In other news - he's really made me proud today! He has spent the last two days going through a really tough interview process and has landed himself a very fancy new job!!
It comes with a 10k payrise which will be lovely! I don't know how much it will work out as extra each month but I think it will be between £300 and £400 and any extra is of course gratefully received (he has agreed to all of it going towards debt repayments). Hooray!

This weekend we're off to visit friends tomorrow and are debating going to a food festival at a local stately home on Sunday (its free to get in but we're worried that we might get caught out by the stalls). I REALLY love Christmas though so I do like to go and see decorations and drink mulled wine!

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

enthusiasticsaver · 16 December 2017 at 1:32AM

An extra £300 or £400 per month towards the debt will certainly help. Good he has recognised you were unhappy with him adding to the debt without discussing with you first.

Christmas food festival sounds good. We went to NT one yesterday.

EscapingTheAlarm · 16 December 2017 at 7:56PM

I hope you had a good time at the food festival! Were the stalls really expensive or was it OK?
Today has been nice. We went to visit a friend's new house with some friends and helped him to scope out the area (cough, pubs, cough) a bit. We had lunch out which wasn't ideal but it only cost us £20 and DH paid out of his own account so it doesn't effect our debt repayment.
Our friends were asking us what we were going to do tonight to celebrate DH's new job and I was pleased to be telling them that we were staying in with a bottle of prosecco (that one of them has bought us) and a bag of popcorn! We're not big clubbers but we would normally have at least gone out for dinner and probably ended up having a few drinks out as well so I feel like we've done well.

Spend less now, work less later...

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