oh my life...... Light Bulb moment.

Popstess wrote: »

Hi Mimi :hello:
Another night owl / 2am person here! I've read your thread from start to finish and cried I can relate so much to a lot of what you have said. I'm also a single Mum have been for over 10years. I wouldn't say a well paid job but full time and reasonable pay and debted up to my eyeballs with NOTHING to show for it.
I had my light bulb moment in October when like you I got turned down by Sainsburys loan (I've since learnt they like people with very good credit scores and not a lot of credit) and also Halifax. To be fair they were both right not to lend me anymore money because I was in debt to the tune of £27,000 it makes me feel sick to my stomach to think I've spent that!!!!
I've had a shock and I'm now learning a hard lesson. I'm desperate to be debt free.
I just want to say what comes across from your posts is what a wonderful mother you sound like and your children sound a delight what a credit to you. Anyone can be in control of their finances but it takes someone special to be a good parent.
I'll be subscribing to cheer you on. I have a kinda diary going on too if you want to check that out.
Take care twit twoo from a fellow night owl

Hi Popstess - your post has made me smile and feel very warm - thank you so much and it is wonderful to have recognition for things I hope I do well - and I do often think that our true natures are reflected in those people around us - some when I have my down times - and I do - I look at both my children and my close friends who are just wonderful people who I am honored by their connections with me - surely they would not be friends if I were a dreadful human being.

So being a hideous debtor is only one aspect of my nature - as I am sure it has been or is for many people reading this - but I think it is important to not be defined by that - I don't mean ignore the realist of debt and addressing it, but do hold on to what your actual core nature and virtues are, most people on the planet are good people. Being a person in debt doesn't change that.

Isn't it a nasty shock when the banks turn you down!! I was embarrassed and offended when it happened to me - didn't darken the doorstep of doing an application for a year I think for fear of further rejection and the footprint it leaves on your credit file. However - I did eventually get a loan - which is a mixed blessing - as so many other people have experienced (why did I have to do it myself to find this out, not once but twice over the years...) - I got a loan for nearly three quarters of what I owed at the time - and guess what - after paying off my credits card significantly - I caved into spending bad habits and racked them up again - more debt than ever. The mixed blessing of the loan is that it is coming down rapidly - that way of repaying seems to work for me - But the only way to do this is to get a low rate loan for the full lot and then cut up and cancel the cards and never ever reapply for one again. I've never really had an issue with overdrafts but if that was a problem ensure that any overdraft is tiny for errors only.

So this week I have had a purchase free day on Sunday:T, and a small shop for food on Monday, I have bought a winter coat for my son - to be picked up from the store and that will be a Christmas present.

I posted my niece's Christmas presents overseas yesterday - and got stamps for a few cards - feel miserly but at £2.25 per stamp for the cards to go overseas, I have stuck to my brother and closest friend there. I bought stamps for local cards but again I have dramatically reduced my card list - for the environment and my budget!

I think I am on track for keeping to my aim of a tightened Christmas - I know the tricky bit for me is the last minute shopping (oh, just one more gift for so and so...) but even taking that into account I think I can do it....January will be my Judge!

I have had a bit of a blow this year - my car is a lease car through my work - I pay for this though - they are not subsidized - and I need a good reliable care - I do about 17000 miles a year for work now - and get the princely sum of 9 p per mile...... got to love the NHS. Anyway, the way my trust now works out the payments for the lease has changed and my car will change in cost from £65 a month plus the tax implications of about £35 - which I know is good for a new car, to £165 a month plus the tax (not sure how much until it kicks in). Argghhhhhhhh. I have a brief secondment to go to at the next band of pay which I think will pay for about 2/3's of this increase, but what a shame that is.....I had hope for the benefits of that to go my debt repayments and emergency fund. On the up side - if the secondment leads onto to more - and perhaps a permanent post at that level or higher (in my dreams) I should eventually get to the point where my income is healthier for savings and debt.

I think it is quite odd how lift gives and takes in equal measure at times....especially with my finances! Funny, not.:(

Well, a broken sleep night of fretting, dark thoughts and self critisism. Hmmmm. Why do things always seem more bleak at night?
Over the next few days I am going to cancel a couple of things to help against the expected increased car cost. I have a PC world monthly payment for laptop cover that has been going for 14/15 months for my daughter's laptop. £8 a month. Also Audible. £7.99 a month. I have my son's child account coming to an end in 12 months time -£25 once that is completed. It'll all help a bit.
Yesterday I was cheeky - I bought a t shirt back in the summer from Espirit. £15. Whilst it was lovely, with every wash it stretched and stretched so that it looked like a bag. I took it back to my local shop and politely pointed it out as not good quality and they gave me £15 in store vouchers! Very kind and great service and I'll put those away as something to use when I desperately need something fresh to wear - hopefully on a slimmer me!

London on Sunday to see my wonderful daughter who turns 21. How to do this without spending too much while there. What a challenge. I really don't want to be stressing over cash but just to be very sensible and 'measured' (my new favourite word!).