Splitting of money

abby1234519 · 11 October 2016 at 2:16PM

Genuinely asking this for a friend (sounds so suspicious I know :eek:)

One of my close friends came round for a chat the other night, and I am not sure how I feel on this situation and I know you lot have helped me work out things before.

So we have Friend and Friend's Partner.

Friend earns 20k

Partner earns 15k

For about 5 years they've accrued about 15k of debt evenly split between the two. However....Friend is mostly responsible for the debt, i.e she said yes we can buy this, let's buy a new tv on your credit card, lets buy a sofa on yours. I think they've accrued it whilst setting up house etc. They have two kids.

For about a year, Friend's Partner didn't have any spending money, he's given her most of his wages and she's used their earnings together to pay for the house etc and to try to pay off debt. For a period of time he basically was giving her all the money. She also didn't have spending money but she was still spending on a credit card. So to him it would have looked like she had loads of money, she would buy things for the house, herself and sometimes for him (I'm guessing) and it would probably look like she had lots of spending money.

About a year ago Friend's Partner told her he was unhappy that he didn't have any money, he blames her for getting them into debt (she accepts she is responsible for 80%) even though he was happy to put stuff on card when it benefited him (they have things like huge tv). So, she worked things out and he got to keep £50 a month "pocket money".

He has just had a large wage increase due to promotion and I'm not sure on her maths but it means he gets something like an extra £400 a month. He would like to keep £300 a month and put £100 of it into the household funds for her to do what she wishes with (ie pay off debt).

She has agreed with this because she feels guilty about taking all of his money for years. She agrees with him that the way it worked before as unfair and selfish. She was literally organising the finances to her advantage. She has suggested he become responsible for finances but he doesn't want to.

They've agreed he can keep his £300 for a set period of time and then they will look at putting it all into one pot, continuing to pay off debt and give each other equal spending money.

She's asked me if its fair, and how long should this period of time last before its equal?

I just don't know! I do think it's unfair that she's continued to spend on cards whilst he had no money etc, but she's stopped that and has been working hard to pay off the debt. Hmmmmm

Slinky · 11 October 2016 at 3:00PM

What you or I or anybody else thinks is fair or not is irrelevant. It's down to your friend and her partner to decide without saying that You or Us (random people on the internet) think this is what they should do.

PeacefulWaters · 11 October 2016 at 3:21PM

I'd keep well out of it.

An ambiguous comment along the lines of "as long as you're both genuinely in agreement ..."

fairy_lights · 11 October 2016 at 3:24PM

I don't think she can take all the blame for running up the debt if it was for items he agreed to purchase, and using both of their credit cards.
Is she still running up debts or have they cut up their cards so they can focus on repaying them? Is he planning on using the £300 extra a month to pay off the cards or does he want to spend it on other things?

Sambella · 11 October 2016 at 3:28PM

It appears to me that the story you have been has been told is too one sided.

This is probably why you should keep out of it.

I believe if everything is done fairly then you can't really go wrong.

AylesburyDuck · 11 October 2016 at 5:26PM

Personally dont think playing the blame game works when jointly setting up a house and the debt that sometimes goes with it, its childish.
He presumably has enjoyment of the large telly and a comfy sofa so moaning after the fact wont change that it needs paying.
The sooner it gets paid the less interest gets applyed to the bill, and i'd be thinking thjats a win win all round.
Carrying on spending however when he wasnt, big no no, that didnt do her any favours.

That all said, never a good idea to stick your nose in other peoples finances wether asked or not, maybe just dont commit yourself to any answer.

abby1234519 · 11 October 2016 at 5:27PM

I have stayed out of it, I just said whatever works for you - as in if she thinks it is fair that she lets him have spending money for a while then she should do that.

HOWEVER, its hard when someone seems to really know what you think. I thought perhaps it's because she wanted her actions justifiying? Not sure. I shall continue to stay out of it

abby1234519 · 11 October 2016 at 5:29PM

fairy_lights wrote: »

I don't think she can take all the blame for running up the debt if it was for items he agreed to purchase, and using both of their credit cards.
Is she still running up debts or have they cut up their cards so they can focus on repaying them? Is he planning on using the £300 extra a month to pay off the cards or does he want to spend it on other things?

I believe she is not using credit anymore (based on what she has said) and he plans to use the £300 for social stuff, paying for his own clothes?

BNT · 11 October 2016 at 6:00PM

abby1234519 wrote: »

She's asked me if its fair, and how long should this period of time last before its equal?

What is fair is what two people agree to in the full knowledge of the facts and full understanding of the implications. That will differ from person to person, as it is largely a judgment call. Your judgment might differ from your friend's. More importantly, you will only have one side of the picture, so you can't really be expected to give an opinion on what is fair.

Given the cost of debt, I think they might be well advised to focus on paying that down and seeing how they can spend less elsewhere.

Splitting of money

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