Friend Going Deaf

Options
ThemeOne
ThemeOne Posts: 1,471 Forumite
First Post Combo Breaker First Anniversary
in Disability money matters
A friend of mine is becoming very hard of hearing. We usually keep in touch by phone and what now happens is that the call goes OK until a certain point, when he suddenly says he hasn't heard what I said. I repeat it a couple of times, he still doesn't hear, then I spell out any key words, and he can't even hear the spelling. Out of options I then end the call.

I've noticed if we meet in person he can't hear anything you say with your back to him, so I'm guessing he's basically lip reading even when he can see my face.

And yet he's never said anything, nor sought any help. This week, for the first time, he said his hearing was not "terribly acute", which seemed an understatement to say the least.

Although I realise it's probably a lot worse for him, I'm feeling extremely frustrated with this and wonder if others have faced it and what they did about it.

I think a big part of my frustration is the unspoken inference that it's somehow my fault that he can't hear me, and yet there's no problem with other people, so I believe the issue is with his own hearing.
«1

Comments

  • 50Twuncle
    50Twuncle Posts: 10,763 Forumite
    Photogenic First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    Options
    ThemeOne wrote: »
    A friend of mine is becoming very hard of hearing. We usually keep in touch by phone and what now happens is that the call goes OK until a certain point, when he suddenly says he hasn't heard what I said. I repeat it a couple of times, he still doesn't hear, then I spell out any key words, and he can't even hear the spelling. Out of options I then end the call.

    I've noticed if we meet in person he can't hear anything you say with your back to him, so I'm guessing he's basically lip reading even when he can see my face.

    And yet he's never said anything, nor sought any help. This week, for the first time, he said his hearing was not "terribly acute", which seemed an understatement to say the least.

    Although I realise it's probably a lot worse for him, I'm feeling extremely frustrated with this and wonder if others have faced it and what they did about it.

    I think a big part of my frustration is the unspoken inference that it's somehow my fault that he can't hear me, and yet there's no problem with other people, so I believe the issue is with his own hearing.
    Has your friend had a hearing test recently - this will confirm your assumption !!
  • ThemeOne
    ThemeOne Posts: 1,471 Forumite
    First Post Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    Options
    50Twuncle wrote: »
    Has your friend had a hearing test recently - this will confirm your assumption !!

    I don't think so, up until the time he mentioned about his hearing not being very acute, my impression was he was in complete denial.

    I will suggest he has a hearing test next time we speak.
  • lemontart
    lemontart Posts: 6,037 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Options
    Encourage them to get referal from their GP for a hearing test, if possible go with them. Having just got 2 aids after nearly a year of pushing it has made a massive difference to my life.
    I am responsible me, myself and I alone I am not the keeper others thoughts and words.
  • ThemeOne
    ThemeOne Posts: 1,471 Forumite
    First Post Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    Options
    lemontart wrote: »
    Encourage them to get referal from their GP for a hearing test, if possible go with them. Having just got 2 aids after nearly a year of pushing it has made a massive difference to my life.

    That's encouraging to know, thank you.
  • oldhand
    oldhand Posts: 3,748 Forumite
    First Anniversary
    Options
    Specsavers (yes really) now do free hearing checks,I know its a very gradual thing to lose your hearing and sometimes it could be as simple as a build up of wax which when removed has an instant improvement on the hearing...
  • teddysmum
    teddysmum Posts: 9,471 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    Options
    To help with phone calls : When temporarily very deaf, due to wax, I found it useful to switch the phone to speaker/hands free setting.
  • rockingbilly
    rockingbilly Posts: 853 Forumite
    Options
    ThemeOne wrote: »
    A friend of mine is becoming very hard of hearing. We usually keep in touch by phone and what now happens is that the call goes OK until a certain point, when he suddenly says he hasn't heard what I said. I repeat it a couple of times, he still doesn't hear, then I spell out any key words, and he can't even hear the spelling. Out of options I then end the call.

    I've noticed if we meet in person he can't hear anything you say with your back to him, so I'm guessing he's basically lip reading even when he can see my face.

    And yet he's never said anything, nor sought any help. This week, for the first time, he said his hearing was not "terribly acute", which seemed an understatement to say the least.

    Although I realise it's probably a lot worse for him, I'm feeling extremely frustrated with this and wonder if others have faced it and what they did about it.

    I think a big part of my frustration is the unspoken inference that it's somehow my fault that he can't hear me, and yet there's no problem with other people, so I believe the issue is with his own hearing.

    You sound like my wife. It got to a point that I was made to go for a hearing test at the hospital as my wife was fed up with having to shout at me. I always assumed that everybody was mumbling.
    Anyhow had the test with the result that I had moderate to severe loss in both ears. I was then issued by the NHS two very small and almost hidden hearing aids. From me going to the GP and to when I received the aids took just 7 weeks. Now I can hear anything I want AND still have the opportunity of turning them off whenever my wife is on one (I pretend that both batteries have died on me and have no replacements).
    Having said all of that I now realise how bad my hearing had become.
  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Posts: 46,030 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    Options
    oldhand wrote: »
    Specsavers (yes really) now do free hearing checks,
    In some parts of the country, they also have the NHS contract!

    There are various online tests you can do too, maybe the OP's friend would do one of them before going to the GP.

    It's definitely a good idea to go through the NHS and see what difference hearing aids make, and how well they are tolerated. People sometimes spend a small fortune on private hearing aids, and then never wear them - either they haven't persevered with getting them fitted and adjusted until they are comfortable, or they are worried about their visibility!
    Signature removed for peace of mind
  • jennilb
    jennilb Posts: 123 Forumite
    Options
    While your friend (hopefully) gets the help they need, could you use Skype or similar instead of phone calls? That way they get some of the visual information (facial expressions) they're missing on the phone. Also you can use the chat box on Skype to type out anything they're not hearing.

    Best of luck
  • teddysmum
    teddysmum Posts: 9,471 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    Options
    I just tried an online test and found it very interesting and prove that it is my two sons who mumble.
This discussion has been closed.
★ ★ ★ Meet your Ambassadors

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 343.2K Banking & Borrowing
  • 250.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 449.7K Spending & Discounts
  • 235.3K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 608.1K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 173.1K Life & Family
  • 247.9K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards