Volunteering - Colleagues Not Making Effort To Get To Know Me

Bongo567 · 16 September 2017 at 7:10AM

I've started volunteering to try to help (as much as I can) as I just moved into a new area and literally know NOBODY.. they know this but I feel like I'm the one making all the effort.. like I've tried speaking to them, asking them questions about themselves.. yet it seems if I don't speak and make the first move - they won't speak to me unless I ask them something.. so I feel like I'm not liked as if they liked me or was interested they'd also make the effort too surely?

I have social difficulty anyway with my disability and I feel like this is compounding and making my depression/anxiety worse.. I'm not getting what I want from it.

Does anyone have any advise? should I quit if it's making me feel like this or stick with it even though it's causing me to feel worthless/rubbishy?

One of the main reasons I volunteered is yes to help but also to meet new people, make friends and it seems like if anything it's making my mental health worse and isn't fun for me..

Bongo567 · 16 September 2017 at 7:27AM

Also I struggle with some aspects to the job (but I'm trying which should be the most important) and some of the colleagues seem quite harsh/snappy in their responses when I ask for help, like I'm a burden, which doesn't help my confidence..

kpwll · 16 September 2017 at 9:27AM

I don't know if you are male or female so you'll have to excuse some of the suggestions

, also some may not be suitable, sorry.

The local WI

Craft clubs

Church/chapel

A society for your specific disability

Coffee mornings are sometimes advertised in local papers.

If you have a specific interest/hobby eg photography, a local club.

The local library may have information.

I'm sorry that they haven't been more friendly to you and wish you well in finding a place and people that will appreciate you.

Bongo567 · 16 September 2017 at 9:42AM

kpwll wrote: »

I don't know if you are male or female so you'll have to excuse some of the suggestions , also some may not be suitable, sorry.

The local WI

Craft clubs

Church/chapel

A society for your specific disability

Coffee mornings are sometimes advertised in local papers.

If you have a specific interest/hobby eg photography, a local club.

The local library may have information.

I'm sorry that they haven't been more friendly to you and wish you well in finding a place and people that will appreciate you.

Thanks

I think it might be because I'm not good at the job and they look down on me (also they are paid staff) so I'm not their equal, if that makes sense? I'll keep looking as would be nice to meet people in my local areas as I'm completely alone..

again thank you

Fen1 · 16 September 2017 at 11:13AM

Ditto kpwll for their ideas.

Try finding social gatherings rather than work situations. At a social gathering people are there to chat, whereas a work situation means working not socialising.

Sadly, if you are struggling with the work in your current location, and are having to ask for help, you are encumbering your colleagues. It is not the paid staffs job to babysit you. It is their job to do the work they are being paid for: they need their jobs to make a living. If they cannot do their jobs properly because you are distracting them they could be penalised, perhaps even lose their jobs.

Social clubs, religious groups, book clubs, health groups ( town and county councils can provide information on activities for people with disabilities/physical limitations) are all good places to meet and chat.

PasturesNew · 16 September 2017 at 11:21AM

Most people don't want to get to know people .... they might come round to it in time, when they've got to know you - but many people don't need new friends and are volunteering for other reasons.

I'd just go and not bother with them - and look for other volunteering things, and at least use the fact I volunteer at XYZ as a conversation piece when encountering other new people....

Most people do not have the time, space, desire to make any new friends whatsoever - they already have their life, their other half, their kids/family, their old workmates or old neighbours, their other activities.

You have to accept that even if they have space for a new friend, you'd be 5th or 6th in the pecking order after all the people already in their lives.

motorguy · 16 September 2017 at 3:57PM

Bongo567 wrote: »

Also I struggle with some aspects to the job (but I'm trying which should be the most important) and some of the colleagues seem quite harsh/snappy in their responses when I ask for help, like I'm a burden, which doesn't help my confidence..

As has been said already, a work environment isnt the best place to make new friends / start a social life, thus your expectations are wrong and you are ultimately going to feel let down because of that.

Likewise if you're struggling with aspects of the job role, trying may simply not be enough - the other volunteers may well just want someone who will come in and get on with it.

easy · 16 September 2017 at 4:14PM

Bongo567, who set you on, who is supervising you in your volunteering work?
In your shoes I'd have a little word with that person. As nicely as you can, tell your supervisor you are worried that the paid staff don't seem very welcoming, and you are concerned.
It may be poor communication from the supervisor, not explaining your situation (lack of experience) to the paid staff. It occurs to me that they might also think that volunteers like you are going to nick their jobs, so they are being defensive .

Far better to talk to someone inside the organisation. The supervisor might be able to ask one person on the team to "buddy you" for a few days/weeks, to help you to get to know everyone a little better.

Well done for trying the volunteering. Don't just give up without talking to a supervisor first.

winnac01 · 17 September 2017 at 11:46AM

Its the same in any job as a new person there is always a click at start it can take a good few weeks even months to be excepted, quite often as a new person you do not know the job and are a hindrance more than a help. Dont take it personally, I always find the best way is to exceed expectations

Hoogle · 17 October 2017 at 8:02PM

I volunteer at my local library brilliant place treat me as 1 of their own include me in staff nights/days out etc and even better they pay for it out petit cash etc as they dont believe volunteers should pay when we offer our time for free in return. We have a large group of volunteers and a good amount of paid staff always social. But on top of that we have Art groups/ knitting/crochet clubs/ photography clubs and a walking club that also meets up at the library and I am often part of them groups as well. I highly recommend it but I also understand not every library will be the same.

[Deleted User] · 17 October 2017 at 8:42PM

OP if where you are volunteering isn't working out then volunteer some where else, perhaps a charity shop where you would meet not only other volunteers but members of the public as well.

Volunteering - Colleagues Not Making Effort To Get To Know Me

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free