Am I being unreasonable?

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  • Loz01
    Loz01 Posts: 1,848 Forumite
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    If you have your child 4 nights a week why are you giving HIM £500 a month?

    And if you have her the most, you should be the one claiming the child benefit etc, not him.

    He will have even less incentive to get up and get a job if he's getting all this money every month.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,559 Forumite
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    Fairys38 wrote: »
    he earns abut £6k a year

    i have been paying all the rent £825 and child maintenance £550 a month

    I do still pay all one off expenses as well for my daughter.

    Put his income into one of the benefit calculators - add in what you're giving him and see just how money he has coming in each month.
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,367 Forumite
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    Do you realise that he is probably much better off than you are at the end of the month? Is he claiming CB too and therefore tax credits? Do you pay the rent to him or to the LL directly?
  • Fairys38
    Fairys38 Posts: 8 Forumite
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    FBaby wrote: »
    Do you realise that he is probably much better off than you are at the end of the month? Is he claiming CB too and therefore tax credits? Do you pay the rent to him or to the LL directly?
    I pay the landlord directly as the tenancy is in my name, due to his job it wasn't a joint tenancy but he was an 'allowed resident'
    The CB has always been in his name as he was always the parent that stayed at home more which when DD was tiny was ok but shes been school age for a number of years now with no change forthcoming.
  • System
    System Posts: 178,102 Community Admin
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    Mojisola wrote: »
    As Fairy has their daughter for four nights a week, she is the RP and should be claiming all the child-related benefits.

    Sorry to split hairs, but it is relevant here. The OP moved out of the family home, leaving the child there with its father. 4 nights out of 7 days and 7 nights means the child is not in their care for most of the time. OP is therefore the NRP.
    Fairys38 wrote: »
    No I moved out.
  • System
    System Posts: 178,102 Community Admin
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    Fairys38 wrote: »
    The CB has always been in his name as he was always the parent that stayed at home more which when DD was tiny was ok but shes been school age for a number of years now with no change forthcoming.

    It sounds like the father has always been the child's main carer. Gender should be irrelevant here, but I suspect had it been the man who left the wife and child and moved out of the family home, and the wife who undertook the main care of the child/house and only earned £6k per year the replies would have been very different!
  • unholyangel
    unholyangel Posts: 16,863 Forumite
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    avogadro wrote: »
    It sounds like the father has always been the child's main carer. Gender should be irrelevant here, but I suspect had it been the man who left the wife and child and moved out of the family home, and the wife who undertook the main care of the child/house and only earned £6k per year the replies would have been very different!

    If you go back about a month, you should find several threads - posted by both mothers and fathers with the mother wanting more money and the majority of posters saying how generous the father was being already and how his only obligation is to the child/ren, not his ex and that she should get a job/better job.

    However OP said care is pretty much 5050. She gets child 4 nights but the father gets 3 nights plus a few hours 3 days a week from after school until OP gets home from work. Which to me would indicate shared residence rather than one parent being the main carer.
    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means - Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride
  • davidwood123
    davidwood123 Posts: 471 Forumite
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    unholyangel wrote: »
    If you go back about a month, you should find several threads - posted by both mothers and fathers with the mother wanting more money and the majority of posters saying how generous the father was being already and how his only obligation is to the child/ren, not his ex and that she should get a job/better job.

    However OP said care is pretty much 5050. She gets child 4 nights but the father gets 3 nights plus a few hours 3 days a week from after school until OP gets home from work. Which to me would indicate shared residence rather than one parent being the main carer.

    Unfortunately in the UK, the courts as well as society in general always subconsciously, regard the mother as a better parent
  • Fairys38
    Fairys38 Posts: 8 Forumite
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    The gist seems to be pretty equal, I don't want to create problems but he also needs to make soem effort to support himself, he is very capable but just hasn't. for information he also didn't work full time for 6 years or so prior to our DD being born so it wasn't really just about looking after her when i was at work and she also went to nursery part time from 6 months old when I went back after mat leave.
  • justme111
    justme111 Posts: 3,508 Forumite
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    edited 10 July 2017 at 5:09PM
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    She does not just pay child maintenance- she pays the rent for him as well ! Child maintenance issue would be easy to calculate.). With rent it may be a bit more complicated. Depends when your tenancy ends I suppose. Have you said you lived together for a long time - sorry can not see your op now. Of so I guess that rent could be seen as some sort of spousal maintenance. Have actually done financial settlement and divorce ? I would say agree some time - 6 months or a year for example when it finishes. But too little info re settlement.
    The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
    Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.
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