Omg feeling sick

flye966 · 15 October 2016 at 8:03AM

I will have a look thankyou

angela110660 · 15 October 2016 at 8:16AM

Good luck and sorry that you find youself in such a difficult place right now. The advice so far is all great and if you can do half of the things it will help for sure.
Re helping your family and grandkids- I would say that as you have always helped and coughed up that maybe they think you are better off than you really are. If you continue doing this their views will stay the same and they will always come to you first. You need to break the cycle gently and afford only what is realistic as you and your OH have to think of your own futures - and day to day lives. It is too easy to spend on others and forget your own needs when you care so much. Best wishes.

flye966 · 16 October 2016 at 10:44AM

Thought I'd just do a quick update .i'm on my mobile and don't find it easy to navigate forum on here .plus I'm still getting the hang of things and find it easier on the computer . I thought I had posted my soa the other day but must have done it wrong cos cant find it .again did it on mobile so I will try again later
Anyway , I really do appreciate everyone advice and keep everything I mind as I am going along trying to be good.i have talked to daughters and husband explaining that credit card are getting out of hand and I have done a budget and will be being very careful untill it is sorted.the only thing was husband didn't ask hoe much and I didn't say .
I have paid for everything with cash this week and we have cone away in van for a few days and I have budgeted and put cash in my purse for what I can spend .i get paid mostly cash and I made a special trip to bank yesterday to bank all my cash except what I have for food and spends for away days this week .decided that if I didn't bank it I would be tempted to spend it .
I'v decided to try to concentrate on od first as I could do without paying the charges .
On list of to dos as well as posting soa is ring business debt line .i'll do this as soon as I'm back and got house to myself .also want to sort out piggy banking .
One thing I did do is ,because I'm self employed I estimated my income in my original budget.I have now sat down and done proper figure for my last 3 mths I devided this by 12 to get my average weekly income .then I x it by 52 and devided by 12 for monthly income . If I have done this correct then i had underestimated my income in my original budget .
I will let u know if i manage to come back from seaside with cash .hopefully I will as I have cooked food to eat in van instead of eating out .

flye966 · 16 October 2016 at 11:05AM

Thankyou angel110660 for your kind words.my present husband isn't my daughters dad . Their dad is of no use financially or emotionally to them and I have tried to make up for this for both of them . They do think That I am more well off than I really am because of it . Both are wonderful daughter and don't ask for much but I always try to help when I see them struggling.this I am going to stop and definitely going to offer to babysit when I can so they can work instead .

MrsTinks · 17 October 2016 at 10:30AM

As a parent I'm sure that it's hard to not help out your children when you see them struggling, but helping them with finding solutions (letting them work more shifts etc) is far more likely to help them than bailing them out.

After all how will they manage when the day comes and you CAN'T be there to bail them out - and I don't mean can't because of debt...

Help them find their own solutions now, give them help with babysitting, support in looking at budgets and planning - but stop being the bank of mum. Not only can't you afford to, you're not really helping them long term

Harsh as that sounds

EssexHebridean · 17 October 2016 at 11:15AM

Well done for talking to your husband most of all. That he hasn't asked the figure may need to be a conversation for another time but if it comes up down the line again at least there's no question that he can feel that you are keeping secrets from him.

Well done for budgeting your spends for your few days away too.

Mrs Tinks makes a very good point in her post. I'll add to it - when I was 18 I did what so many young people do, and ran up debts on Credit cards - largely the result of the bank upping the limit when perhaps what they should have done (and what they do now, I believe) was to have waited to see how paying back the first spends was going to be managed... A number of my friends did the same thing, and I remember their parents bailing them out. Mine looked on things rather differently - by saying that while they would give me whatever help they could in terms of working out a budget and planning how I would pay back the money owing, what they WOULDN'T do was to give me the money to do it. At the time this felt very unfair, but now, a good many years on, I'm incredibly grateful that they did this. I've never run up CC debt since, but I do wonder how many of the friends who were bailed out can say the same...

The kindest thing you can do for your kids is to enable them to be financially independent in the future. They WILL thank you for it in the long term, I promise you.

flye966 · 20 October 2016 at 10:30PM

EssexHebridean you are very right in what you say. I do feel a bit like I'm on weight watchers. I know what I should be doing (stop eating to much) but it is doing it everyday in my daily life that is hard. Keeping in mind everything that everyone has said on here is helping.

You might be pleased to know that after having a great few days away I fetched £20 back with me and dashed to bank to pay it in.... Feeling very happy &#55357;&#56842;

Annisele · 20 October 2016 at 11:11PM

flye966 wrote: »

One thing I did do is ,because I'm self employed I estimated my income in my original budget.I have now sat down and done proper figure for my last 3 mths I devided this by 12 to get my average weekly income .then I x it by 52 and devided by 12 for monthly income . If I have done this correct then i had underestimated my income in my original budget .

I think your maths are off, but only very slightly. Most months (except February!) have a bit more than four weeks in them. So, in a three-month period you get 13 weeks, not 12 - so with your method, I think you should have been dividing your three-month income figure by 13. An equivalent method is just to divide your three-month income figure by 3.

Though all of that assumes there's nothing seasonal about your business? If you're running an ice cream stall, then I'd expect you to be making much more money June/July/August than December/January/February. Not so much if you're running a Santa's Grotto...

If you have income figures for the whole of last year, and if you think this year will be about as succesful as last, it might be more accurate to add up a whole 12-months' worth of actual income, and then divide that amount by 12.

Either way, I think it's going to make a *huge* difference just that you're paying attention to your spending. That £20 you didn't spend, together with all its fellow £20s that you won't spend in future, is going to pay off your debt.

flye966 · 25 October 2016 at 11:40AM

For two weeks now I have stuck to spending in my budget. I have stuck to or spent less on food and not spent £25 on drink at home. I have bought the odd bottle of wine but only when worked into food allowance.
I rang sky to cancel TV from my package of TV,phone and broadband. This has been costing £42/mth. In the end they have offered me same package for £22.40/mth for a year :j

I rang business debt line and have gone through my options with them and I now have to decide whether to do a DMP with them or keep trying to budget and save and pay off my debt that way .
Pros- for DMP would be interest stopping and being able to pay best back quicker. Also it would take away my ability to get more credit. Which could be a good thing.

Cons- DMP is scary!! . It feels a bit like giving in. Would I not be able to re lease another car or change mobile phone contracts with bad credit history for next 5/6 yrs.

Back to owning up to size of debt to husband. I have told him I am sticking to a tight budget to pay of cc that have got out of hand bit not the amount and he didn't ask. As long as I am dealing with it he seem happy to leave me to it. It I go down the route of DMP the adverse credit could affect him as we are financially linked and I wouldn't set the ball rolling with DMP without telling him everything.

One last question for you Dfw experts or people that have gone down the DMP route. As i have only just done the budget and started really focusing on my spending. Should I give my self 2/3mth budgeting and paying off my debts or would that just be putting off the inevitable and should I just set the ball rolling with the DMP.

I keep reading posts and threads and I'm so pleased to have found this forum. Thank-you thank-you for all those that take time out of their busy days to read and answer my rambling posts. One day I would like to think that I could post advice and help others say well.

EssexHebridean · 25 October 2016 at 12:17PM

flye966 wrote: »

For two weeks now I have stuck to spending in my budget. I have stuck to or spent less on food and not spent £25 on drink at home. I have bought the odd bottle of wine but only when worked into food allowance.
I rang sky to cancel TV from my package of TV,phone and broadband. This has been costing £42/mth. In the end they have offered me same package for £22.40/mth for a year :j

I rang business debt line and have gone through my options with them and I now have to decide whether to do a DMP with them or keep trying to budget and save and pay off my debt that way .
Pros- for DMP would be interest stopping and being able to pay best back quicker. Also it would take away my ability to get more credit. Which could be a good thing.

Cons- DMP is scary!! . It feels a bit like giving in. Would I not be able to re lease another car or change mobile phone contracts with bad credit history for next 5/6 yrs.

Back to owning up to size of debt to husband. I have told him I am sticking to a tight budget to pay of cc that have got out of hand bit not the amount and he didn't ask. As long as I am dealing with it he seem happy to leave me to it. It I go down the route of DMP the adverse credit could affect him as we are financially linked and I wouldn't set the ball rolling with DMP without telling him everything.

One last question for you Dfw experts or people that have gone down the DMP route. As i have only just done the budget and started really focusing on my spending. Should I give my self 2/3mth budgeting and paying off my debts or would that just be putting off the inevitable and should I just set the ball rolling with the DMP.

I keep reading posts and threads and I'm so pleased to have found this forum. Thank-you thank-you for all those that take time out of their busy days to read and answer my rambling posts. One day I would like to think that I could post advice and help others say well.

:T Well done you - that's great progress!

A good point made further up regarding your income from self employment - remember to take account of at least 4 weeks a year when it can be assumed you will not be earning. Christmas/New Year for a start, when your earning potential may be dictated by others, and also regular holiday - whether you go away or not you must still have some time off, that's vital to keep your sanity and manage your stress levels! In your situation, I would honestly go back over bank statements for the past year and add the income up manually - then you KNOW where your figures sit, and you're not worrying about under or over estimating.

I can well imagine the thought of going ahead with the DMP is scary - BUT from the other perspective it should also take away a degree of the stress. Yes it goes without saying that you would have to be absolutely upfront with your Husband - but again to some extent with where you've reached now, would that not actually be a relief too?

How old is your car? Is it likely to need (and notice that word "need") replacing within the next 5 - 6 years? Lack of a mobile phone contract also, not the end of the world, the deals available on SIM only/PAYG these days are brilliant!

Omg feeling sick

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free