Help for a reluctant maid of honour

SeaVixen · 16 May 2017 at 12:05AM

Hi all - I'm in a bit of an odd situation and would like some advice from you lovely lot.

I'm Maid of Honour for a school friend, we're not that close anymore but she doesn't have a very wide friendship circle. The other bridesmaids are her step-sister, and her next door neighbour who moved in 6 months ago.

This entire thing is leaving me quite frustrated. It's currently a very busy period at work for me, and my other half has some health issues that are particularly difficult at the moment. We're also trying to save up to get a house deposit, and I'm not close enough to the bride to want to spend too much on the whole thing.
So I'm trying to straddle not having much time or money to put into this, but still wanting her to have a respectable hen party and 'do right by her'.

If I could pull out I would, but when she asked me to be her MOH I hesitated for a second and she started crying saying that her day wouldn't be right without me. So asking her to reconsider isn't an option.

Has anyone been through the wedding planning/MOH stuff before and maybe has any tips to make planning the hen party go smoothly? One of my problems is getting the other bridesmaids to answer my messages, or give any opinions for venue etc.

Any experiences dealing with a bridezilla? I've got a feeling that whatever we do for a hen party, she'll say afterwards that she wanted something different. I've asked what she'd like but all she's said is that she doesn't want it to be too expensive, so no spa days etc, and that she wants karaoke. But none of the attendees are going out drinking sort of people, so this might end in sober karaoke. :eek:#

I'm also worried that she'll ask me to make a speech, as there is very little I would be able to say. Any advice along that line would be great too!

Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated.
Ta!

ERICS_MUM · 16 May 2017 at 1:22AM

It's a toughie but you can plough through it !

We have a local Indian restaurant that runs 'tribute' nights every couple of weeks and they are hilarious. We've been to a few and been entertained while we eat. Usually people sing along or even get up and have a dance. It doesn't work out expensive and everyone can get involved as much or as little as they want without spoiling it for the others.

Anyway that's my round-about way of saying that you might have something similar in your neck of the woods that would suit.

Good luck, you are doing a good thing. Xx

savvy · 18 May 2017 at 4:24PM

Ah what a pickle lol! Have you considered Group On/High Life deals for a spa type day seeing as you sound a smallish group? If you are larger, then get people to pair up for 2 for 1 type offers at the same place on the same day, so they share the costs?

I'm not a fan of karaoke, but some clubs/bars have karaoke nights, seek some out in your local area, and just go there for those that want to sing? OR make sure karaoke is combined with something else, like in a limo or those party buses? Do the whole costing and divide by the number of attnedees.

Personally I would create a secret FB group for the night and post everything on there each time, and do an email list for those that don#t do FB. That way they are informed, you can see they've seen it etc, and give a day that they have to pay for their activities by?

On that last note, how about a weekend of activities where people can dip in and out of what they like but the bride goes to all of it......maybe you could enlist SIL to organise one day and you do the next??

suejb2 · 20 May 2017 at 9:26AM

Why did you agree to be her M.O.H? Now you have though you heed to put a positive spin on it.

Get the step sister and new neighbour to muck in with ideas three heads are better than one.

Spendless · 11 June 2017 at 4:52PM

Once upon a time a Hen night wasn't an elaborate affair and it often wasn't organised by the chief bridesmaid/MOH.

I married in 99, my sister in 97. Hen parties were go to a pub or restaurant, so long as they served food and alcohol that was fine. Guests were told the place and time, turned up and ordered their food and bought drinks at the bar. The bride to be was dressed up in daft things like L plates and that was it. Stag nights were even simpler. They told their mates to meet at xtime on a certain date and went on a pub crawl.

Do the same, but pick a venue that also has a karoeke night. Tell the guests, reserve a table if there's a lot of you and that should be it. Shouldn't take more than an hour or two to organise.

angelof1983 · 5 July 2017 at 11:19PM

Have a chat with her, explain the other commitments you have and ask her if she feels the other two would be up for helping you organise it (then give them all the time consuming or difficult tasks). Also as far as speeches go just say its not tradition for the MOH to make a speech... I certainly don't intend mine to be making a speech

cashewnut · 8 July 2017 at 4:19AM

If you're near London try Lucky Voice for karaoke (they have a few venues dotted about I think), which gets you your own private karaoke booth

Say you don't like giving speeches so won't be making one. Since when did bridesmaids do speeches!?

Help for a reluctant maid of honour

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