Daughter going to uni - so.upset

Clive_Woody · 29 March 2017 at 10:30PM

I saw this from the other side, it was really tough on my first day of uni watching my dad drive away with my mum sobbing her heart out in the car. I felt so guilty for those first few weeks, I was very close to my mum and felt awful but I think we both adjusted over time.

It was a big change for both of us and it wasn't easy... maybe it was easier for me as I met new friends and was very busy most of the time. Talk with your daughter and let her know how you feel but reassure her that you still support her and sincerely hope she has a great time at uni.

With mobile phones, Skye, Facetime, texts, emails, etc it's so much easier to keep in touch....in my day I wrote letters and queued to use a public phone box so I could call home

FBaby · 30 March 2017 at 7:33AM

What is it about it that makes you react so strongly emotionally?

My DD will be off the following year, it will be strange to not have her at home, but it won't be a massive void. I actually look forward to it, going to visit her where she is, having a relationship with her that is fully adult to adult. It will be lovely to look back and feel a sense of pride that I raised this great person almost all on my own.

System · 30 March 2017 at 7:49AM

Only one left in my nest but I'll miss him dreadfully when he goes as we are quite close.

choccyface2006 · 30 March 2017 at 9:16PM

My darling daughter is also going to uni in September and although I'm over the moon and bursting with pride I'm also finding it really tough thinking about it, but I'm trying to look at the positives....

I won't have to cook her meals when she gets home from work just as I'm going to bed in the evening (fussy eater who hates-heated food) and her room will stay tidy!

Her elder sister left home last year but only a few miles away so that didn't hit me as hard (we gained a spare room with her

) but now full-on 'empty nest syndrome' is looming I often wonder how I'll cope not seeing either of my babies week to week.

When I was explaining how emotional I get to my mum she told me I've done a wonderful job to raise two independent young women, mostly on my own, who are confident enough to fly the nest and I'd never let them see how upsetting I find it because I'd never want them to feel guilty.

At the end of the day I have a job I love, a wonderful partner and great friends so it's my time to claw back and embrace my life as an individual not just as a mother, it'll be hard at first but I'll survive, as will you.

Sarah xx

tesuhoha · 30 March 2017 at 10:02PM

What you have to remember is that they always come back to you. The holidays soon come round and quite often they come home and it doesn't seem so bad. You can look forward to their visits and make them special, take them shopping or anything else. The time flies by and even if they don't come back to live, they will still be in your life to a large extent.

I thought I would never get used to my daughter going. I only had her for 18 years and then she was at uni, going off to Thailand for a month in the summer holidays, living at home for a short time and then moving to various flats in London. She has never really been home since but comes for a visit every few weeks. I always feel sad when she goes but then realise that I will be seeing her again soon. You just have to look forward to those times. I will be seeing my daughter this weekend to meet up for a theatre visit - then she will be home for Easter and so it goes on.

I just accept that she has her own life. I talk to her on Facebook and I talk to her more than I do my son who lives at home. If you can do that it really does make a huge difference to them not being with you. Its also nice to think they are getting the most out of life etc

Another thing that helps is keeping their bedroom ready for them whenever they do want to come home. I know a couple who have taken everything out of their sons' rooms and made it into a different room, just keeping a bed settee for sons' visits. I find it more comforting to leave the room as her bedroom where she leave excess belongings and I will do so until such time she settles down with someone or buys her own house. That room will always be hers to come home to if she needs to.

Mrs_Huggett · 30 March 2017 at 10:17PM

This is very probably the underlying reason..I have been very like it over the last couple of years.. but recognized that it was probably hormones. And I do sympathize.. Our youngest Son was stuck to me like a mustard plaster when he was little.. but he's in his second year of Uni and lives on the other side of London in a flat share..only 1 1/2 hours away but it makes his life easier for getting to and from Uni and work. Funnily Middle Son is now back at home now he's working so I have come to realise that we just need to get a revolving door fitted. Good luck with getting to a better place with this..it will happen. x

pollypenny · 31 March 2017 at 10:08AM

I've read the thread a few times and tried hard to be sympathetic to the OP.

However, this is such a first world problem. Yes, you'll miss her. We missed our two a lot and this was in the days of a regular Sunday phone call from a call box and 'Call me back on this number, mum.'

*comment removed by Forum Team - please try to keep the forums a friendly place*

onomatopoeia99 · 31 March 2017 at 10:42AM

When my younger brother started university, meaning we were both gone, my parents joined a bowls club, which they are still members of and play for.

PasturesNew · 31 March 2017 at 10:48AM

You need a bit of perspective.... 150 years ago the prospects would've been that she was being shipped off to Australia, forever, because she stole a loaf of bread because you'd not eaten for a week and granny/baby was about to die without food.

Sorry .... but you do need to get it sorted.

ibizafan_2 · 31 March 2017 at 11:27AM

I must be the most awful mum, because I loved it when my youngest son left for uni. I had the house to myself at last, and it was the last of his terrible untidiness, as he never really lived at home for any length of time again. I just felt very proud of both sons for doing well and they have both got good careers, one in London and one in Australia. I suppose I've never lived through my children. My main aim when they were young was to live somewhere where the schools were excellent, and the rest was up to them. I have my own life to live, and lots of travelling to do, including regular trips to Australia to see my grand daughter and soon to be born grandson. Is it different with sons maybe?

Daughter going to uni - so.upset

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