Great 'Tips for financially surviving divorce and separation' Hunt

Thegirl wrote: »

when 'Aunt Joan' or whoever tells you you are entitled to everything plus his socks, you can reply with certainty, no am I am not. I have had more arguements with well meaning friends and relatives about what I am entitled to than I have with my soon to be ex partner.

^^This.
It's so true (for both parties) that 'well-meaning' people will try and stick their oar in and tell you what you are 'entitled' to.
I lost count of the number of times my Ex and I sat down and spent time agreeing on something, only to change his mind a couple of days later because 'so-and-so' says I should get........:mad:

Find out the facts yourself, either through the many websites or through a discussion with a solicitor.

Thegirl wrote: »

Fault and behaviour doesn't matter in divorce. It just gets remebered by the parties involved.

You married the person and loved them once. Don't let bitterness and regret cloud your actions. Aim for always looking back on your behaviour and being proud of how you kept your head, not full of regret.

If I could have thanked your post many times I would have done. Wise words!
I remember when I finally told my Mum why we were splitting up (about 2 months into proceedings) she was all ready to come round and throw all his things out on to the street! (and other, not so legal actions involving a brick and his car):T
The mental picture of her doing this made me laugh for the first time in months - and made me realise that wasn't how I wanted to act and I could get through this and still be civil to him. (just) Not easy, but looking back I'm proud that I managed it.

A bit contentious this one, but in my line of work I've seen more than one solicitor encourage animosity between divorcing partners so that they can rack up their own fees.

I'm certainly NOT saying that all solicitors do this (before I get shot down), but enough so that I've noticed they do it. Try and get a referral if you can as like any profession not all practitioners are equally good.

You can do the vast majority of it yourself if you stay civil unless you've got a really complex / high value (multi£) set of assets.

Glad people have mentioned wikivorce already, but it's such a brilliant site if you are going through a divorce it's worth mentioning a third time! Especially if you plan to do it DIY.

I agree with a previous poster who said legal advice is very important, though. However, a judge will not sign a consent order if they think it is incredibly unfair or unreasonable so there is that factor to give you confidence if you are going DIY.

Personally, I feel the most cost effective (if not the cheapest) route is to go to professional mediation (google "local town" mediation services) to draw up an agreement - if I had my time again I wouldn't attempt to do this amicably without professional mediation as trying to go it alone early on wrecked the last shreds of amicable-ness between us. I would then get a fixed price divorce from a solicitor (reliable quote can be found on wikivorce) which includes the cost of the divorce, plus the cost of getting your agreement drafted professionally as a consent order, being sealed by a judge and some legal advice as well.

I would strongly advice against the collaborative law route. This route is guaranteed to cost the same as 3 visits to a court even if it is successful, if negotiations in collaborative law break down then you have to start from scratch, with new solicitors and you would definitely have to go to court (you would be beyond mutual agreement if negotiations had broken down) so you would end up with the divorce costing in the tens of thousands.

Do not start paying money to your soon to be ex / signing agreements until your agreement has been turned into a consent order and signed & sealed by a judge. No other form of agreement is legally binding, except a consent order that has been ok'd by a judge. I have heard many horror stories, eg of someone paying their ex tens of thousands of pounds in return for keeping the marital home, then a few years later the ex comes back, having spent all that money, and they still have a legal claim on half the house because nothing was ever ok'd by a judge. It is worth the court costs to have a consent order confirmed, this is one corner not worth cutting.

Also, if you are married, it doesn't matter if your name is on housing title deeds or not, if your name is on the savings, shares, bonds, etc or not. They are all marital assets and you have a claim to all of it. If your name is not on the title deeds, ring land registry and register an interest, this will prevent your ex from selling the house out from under your feet. (cash is much easier to disperse than property, as Scotsbob helpfully pointed out :undecided ). Remember it's the TITLE DEEDS here that are important, not the mortgage.

Many family law (ie divorce) solicitors offer a free half an hour initial meeting, with no obligations to instruct them. Even if you want to go the DIY route or are amicable, it is worth ringing round and finding one of these solicitors to find out where you stand in your particular position.

Don't forget to change passwords for online accounts, banks etc, incase your ex got hold of them / used them while you were together.

And thanks for that sanctimonious preaching, Arthog. Noone going through a divorce ever wanted, or expected, to be in that situation. Suggesting that we all rushed into getting married (rarely true) is really patronising.