has anyone fostered via the council teenagers?

Many of the teens in care have had such fragmented childhoods that they are very damaged and bring enormous difficulty. It isn't unknown for an unhappy teen to trash their f/c's house.

That said, some are well adjusted and some may only need respite from regular carer or parental home.

You would need to have a long talk with SS first, this would be the case anyway.

I know you have been through difficult times recently, Deals, be very sure that you could cope, especially with a little one around.

If you are after renting out your room, consider a student if you live anywhere near a college - they are short term and often would appreciate a mumsy figure around.

Hopefully, you might get a pov from a foster carer on here.

Hi Deals, My wife and I did this a number of years ago and found it hugely rewarding. There are indeed a lot of damaged and troubled teens that need help. It can be very difficult, but there is alot of help available from social services if you need it.
You say you have a toddler. Although that is not necessarily incompatible with what you have in mind it does add an extra element of difficulty. The teens that you may have may not be as careful around your toddler as you would necessarily be eg leaving doors open etc, so you will have to factor this into the equation.
We did it for a number of years both whilst our children were toddlers and when they grew up, and we loved every minute of it.
We had only one boy who I would call not a "sucess", but it depends on your definition of sucess. We judged it by the fact that we could not keep him safe and had to hand him back to social services even though he did not want to go.
Most of the children we had - now adults - still visit us and keep in touch.

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margaretclare wrote: »

Unfortunately, the young people themselves had completely unrealistic ideas about what living in a family meant
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No they don't know what living in a family means and that is why they are in care, and need help.
You appear to have gone into this with the attitude that they must comply with us, fit in with us, do what we like you doing, don't watch TV, have nice "hobbies" etc. It is not surprising it did not work.
We particularly avoided this attitude and as a consequence it was sucessful for us. I believe that to get respect, you first have to give respect, and perhaps you were not quite right for the job if you were not able to do this.

We even get mothers day and fathers day cards from most of them now, and have been part of numerous weddings and christenings. It is truly rewarding.

However, you must be flexible and not impose your values as these individuals are often troubled, and are not able to accept your values as they have not had the life experience you have had.

No they don't know what living in a family means and that is why they are in care, and need help.
You appear to have gone into this with the attitude that they must comply with us, fit in with us, do what we like you doing, don't watch TV, have nice "hobbies" etc. It is not surprising it did not work.

No, we did not do any such things! We were guided by what the social workers advised us to do. What we were advised was to give them opportunities, of a life that they wouldn't otherwise have had. They were coming into our home, not we into theirs, that was what was said to us. Of course we were assessed beforehand and the SWs saw the way we lived. They thought it would be ideal.

We didn't tell the young people to 'have nice hobbies', but we showed them the hobbies that we had - we didn't expect them to follow suit. We didn't tell them they couldn't watch TV, but there was only one TV set in the house and we were not prepared to put TV sets in all the rooms just to please them. The SWs emphasised time and again that it was 'our' lifestyle and we did not have to alter it to suit. I don't know where the young lad got the idea that we would buy him a motor-bike to 'ride round and round the field' - we certainly never said that and it wasn't our field anyway! That was what I meant by 'unrealistic expectations'.

At that time in my life I was a manager in the midwifery service, NHS. My first husband was at home, and he was very well-used to dealing with young people via his work with the Sea Cadets. One young man I know now, not one that we fostered, has made a success of his life because my late husband was like a dad to him - he used to be there a lot. The downstairs farmhouse-style kitchen was like a 'family room' where everything went on, a lot of coming and going, chatter, friends. The SWs thought that would be ideal as the fostered young people wouldn't feel 'picked on' by being the whole focus of attention. So we then got the attention-seeking behaviour because they 'didn't feel enough notice was taken of them'. Can't win 'em all!

Thank you, libbyc3. You have hit the nail on the head exactly, whereas the poster who criticised me above did not.

One bit of feedback that we got via the SW from the young people after they'd left was that we 'weren't a proper family'. Reason: I was at work and my husband wasn't. The SWs didn't object to that, but they did say afterwards that the young people 'may have had a story-book, nursery-rhyme image' of a family, and we didn't fit.

libby, you have clearly had much sucess with your fostering, because as you say, you have to be laid back in your attitude, and hence not impose your values.
I agree that there are very difficult moments, and we have had our fair share, but as you say, when they do their first piece of homework, they stay out of trouble, they choose to spend time with you and your family rather than the gang at the bus shelter, it makes it all worthwhile.
As you say, you were laid back, and were flexible, which went contra to social worker advice not to change your lifestyle and expect them to fit in. That is what we did, as I do not like to push my morality, values and principles on anyone else.
Margaret, you took the opposite view that the children should change for you. It really doesn't matter whether the SW told you to do this, or you did it yourself. You made that choice. It didn't work.
Personally, even though I do not watch TV, I bought portable TVs for bedrooms. Just because I do not watch TV does not make it unacceptable. That is often all the escape some people have. Over time however, most children chose to spend time with the family rather than in their rooms. As I say, to get respect, you must first give it.
To the OP, one of our most challenging girls was a young girl with a baby. She was 14 when she had the baby, and was struggling.
We so enjoyed that baby and helping her. The baby was a little younger than our first grand daughter and my daughter, her husband and the girl still spend a lot of time together as they had similar age babies.
The girl is now doing so well, having completed college and then on to a degree. I am so proud.