Juggling Act - Help Needed

scuzz · 23 January 2007 at 9:15AM

Hi All

As most of you know from the daily thread, my Mum goes into hospital tomorrow for an operation. When she comes out, she won't be able to do anything (housework, cooking etc) for 3 months. So I'll be looking after Nan, Mum, the dog and working full time on various shifts, either starting 5.30am or finishing 6.30pm, with some double shifts and additional hours

So how do I juggle being a carer and worker? I need to know what to prioritise and if there are any ways of making life a bit easier

twink · 23 January 2007 at 9:19AM

could you put them all up at your house? be easier on you having everyone in one place

Debt_Free_Chick · 23 January 2007 at 9:21AM

Can you take any time off e.g. holiday? Would your employer allow you to work fewer hours?

Poppy9 · 23 January 2007 at 9:22AM

Ask Social Services for home help. Depending on your mother's age and condition you maybe able to access the hospital social worker who will help arrange things for you. If you need any special equipment it should be provided by them.

Queenie · 23 January 2007 at 9:23AM

Have you spoken with your Mum's GP to see if there is any form of support care available?

wizzkid_3 · 23 January 2007 at 10:01AM

Does the hard work start once your mum comes home, or will looking after your nan be the start of it?

If the former, and if your nan is able, while your mum is in hospital, use every available half hour to cook meals that can be frozen and then re heated. Even if you just have half of your meals out of the freezer it will help. Having home cooked food will be better for her than bought ready made (and far cheaper). In my experience, (of having babies) the house does not get that dirty in 6 months , you may just have to limit your expectations for a while and maybe do a good blitz on the house once a month.

(apparently after 7 weeks, the dust doesn't get any thicker!)

scuzz · 23 January 2007 at 10:38AM

I live at home with both Mum and Nan. Nan is 87 and can't really do anything - she's too weak to lift a kettle of water to make herself tea.

Work have allowed me to work one hour less a day - in other words just take my lunch break before I start, if I'm on a late shift.

There's no one to cover any shifts so I have to work. My sis was going to take some time off but now she can't get any either

Mum & Nan are adament they don't want anyone coming in who's not family or a close friend, so it's just down to me and sis where she can help

I'm starting to panic now. I don't know how I'll cope with two who're unable to do anything, plus a dog and working. And I'll have to do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping etc.

I can do all of the above so it's not that that worries me, it's just that Nan can be very fussy (and nasty) and Mum will nag whenever I try to do anything.

But when I'm getting up at 4am, I need to think about getting dinner ready the night before, either something that I can cook when I return, or that can go in the SC.

I know Mums do this all the time, but it's quite daunting

Essex-girl_2 · 23 January 2007 at 10:47AM

Scuzz

I know that your Mum and Nan dont want anyone in but they must realise what you are about to embark on, as well as working full time will wear you out and if you get ill what would they do then.

I dont mean to sound harsh but my nan didnt want carers in and now relies on them to look after her but also she enjoys seeing them for just a chat. My other halfs nan is looked after by 1 side of the family and they wont have anyone in (more financial than any other reason) and they really are suffering - mentally and physically. However they can well afford to have help they just dont want to lose or reduce their inheritance.

Its a very good thing what you are doing but you must think of yourself as well.

By the way Old Age Concern are brilliant for advice and help.

Poppy9 · 23 January 2007 at 10:47AM

scuzz wrote:

Mum & Nan are adament they don't want anyone coming in who's not family or a close friend, so it's just down to me and sis where she can help

You and your sister have to sit down with your mother and gran and explain the situation. Tell them while they find it desirable that only you and your sister care for them it's not practical or possible. Explain your work situation and tell them you can't cope and don't want to make yourself ill as then you will be in a right pickle. Remember you are an adult now and not a child. They have to listen to you and stop being so selfish. Ask them how they would manage if they were in your position?

A few options to bring to the table:

Social services should be able to arrange a lifeline system. Simply a fob worn around the neck that they press in case of an emergency which connects to a control centre to contact you or your sister if they should fall etc.
You can get meals delivered via social services
Home help can come in to check they are ok and make them a cup of tea etc.

You don't have to have social services staff. You can ask for direct payments and then find your own helper and pay them directly.

Also see if you can claim carers/attendance allowance. This will help to pay for a housekeeper to come in to do a bit of cleaning, washing, bed changing etc.

twink · 23 January 2007 at 10:58AM

my dil ordered some ready meals from wiltshire farm foods for when she comes in late as her dh is away and she finds them very good, might be an idea to get a few and see if your mum can get disability living allowance and your nan, attendance allowance, the extra money would pay for these and for someone to pop in maybe even a neighbour they know

the_optimist · 23 January 2007 at 11:06AM

scuzz wrote:

But when I'm getting up at 4am, I need to think about getting dinner ready the night before, either something that I can cook when I return, or that can go in the SC.

My OH throws everything (meat and veg) in the slow cooker the night before, then in the morning switches it on and adds hot water, it saves a lot of time in the morning.

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Juggling Act - Help Needed

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