I need your help

This is a nightmare, so here goes:

My cousin Carlene is 38yo has 4 children aged from 6yo to 13yo. She is partially sighted due to a car accident when she was 18yo, she is not registered blind.

Her husband died on 19 December aged 40yo. He had Crohn's disease for many years and the drugs they used to treat the Crohn's eventually killed him.

If this is not bad enough it gets worse. I have been through all their paperwork, utility bills, bank statements, mortgage etc and this is what I have found.

They were both claiming benefits: Him- Income support and Disability Living Allowance. Her- Incapacity Benefit and they were both getting council tax benefit. The DPW were paying half the interest on their 3 mortgages and they were paying the other half. There is approx 10 years left on the term of the mortgages.

Looking through the bills I found:

Gas bill for last quarter £395
Electric arrears £1750
Ntl Internet £34.99 per month
Ntl Phone £35 approx per month
Ntl TV package £60 per month
His parents are paying the water rates for them
Gas Boiler etc insurance £58 per month

And here's the whopper

I found a statement dated 31 March 2006 from Citifinancial, the closing balance was £16,000 and this is secured on the house. They have been paying £120 per month but the interest being charged per month is £250 plus a charge of £50 per month for being in arrears. I asked Carlene about the loan and she told me they took it out about 4-5years ago because they got inot alot of debt, effectively this is a consolidation loan. When they took the loan out it was for £10,000. Last year Citifinancial took them to court for arrears and they nearly lost their house.
We have been to jobcentre plus and applied for all the relevant benefits yesterday and now we are waiting to hear.

Questions:
How much in benefits per week is Carlene likely to receive?

I think if she doesn't sell the house, value approx £180,000 then Citifinancial will eventually get a repo order for it. If she sells the house what are the implications in terms of benefits and housing etc. She has never dealt with any financial stuff at all, her husband did it all, she didn't even know that the electricity was not being paid.
She is in a world of trouble on top of her grief and I am trying to do all I can to help but I seem to have more questions than answers.
I tried to talk to her yesterday about cutting back. I suggested that she cancel ntl tv package and she refused. I lost my temper and told her she would not need the tv package because when the electric gets cut off because she won't need a tv.
I am trying to be as honest as I can with her and as supportive but it is really hard work. Her husband has two very elderly parents living over the road and Carlene seems to think that they should pay all this debt off for her. I am annoyed at her because she won't even consider cutting down on anything. I am tearing my flipping hair out here, please help.