maybe not strictly OS but I'd like to ask you guys..

spaghetti_monster · 2 November 2006 at 9:54AM

Also cos I usually post on here - sorry if it's not appropriate, but here goes:

In a couple of months I'll be moving in with my boyfriend (into his house), which I'm very very happy about. There is one little issue that is starting to niggle a bit, which is house-work.

Basically he's the kind of guy that does a bit of washing up now and again with a very occasional bit of laundry and vacuuming. His tolerance level for mess is much higher than mine and so what's happened is that I end up doing pretty much all the household stuff when I'm there. In the end, I'm a bit of an OSer, love cooking, so this is not so bad. But a twinge of resentment is sometimes there that I do everything.

I guess the other reason for this is that he's in Holland, so when I go over, I stay there for several days/a week or so.

We've both got similar life-styles - very career oriented,freelance, sometimes out and about, sometimes working at home. When I go and stay with him I take some work with me - but I am essentially stuck in the house. And when I move there I will also be in the house more at first whilst I build up some work.

I guess what I wanted to ask you guys was if anyone else experienced anything similar? I realise that people are all different in their levels of cleanliness (in the house) - maybe I just have to accept that? Maybe we can compromise on something?
I have talked to him about it, and he does understand how I feel. But last time I was there, I had to nag before something was done. And I also wondered if already some patterns were forming (many times, him upstairs working, me downstairs cooking/cleaning).

ANYWAY:
to finish with a pure OS questions: in his kitchen there were lots of little flies (fruit flies I think?). After a clean-up they were still there. Is there any non-poison way to get rid of them??

Thanks for reading and sorry it's so long!!

Alex x

Sunny_Angel · 2 November 2006 at 10:10AM

There is another thread about these little blighters somewhere but i dont know how to do links. I found the best tip was to put some cider vinegar in a jar, cover with cling film and put some holes in it. Next thing you know you have your own fly soup!:eek:

EEuugghh i know but better than on your food!
HTH
Sunny Angel

lynzpower · 2 November 2006 at 10:31AM

I sense you will have some difficulties if you are moving in with him, in a foreign" land, somewhat isolatd and with differing toleration levels of mess

personally, Im a bit obsessed with cleaning, my OH doesnt share my enthusiasm and for example it wouldnt croiss his mind to clean skirting boards, whereas thats something I do regularly.

If i was working at home/ freelancing in a less-than-tidy-enough-for-me environment, I would go as far as to say Id get no work done. I cannot sit about in mess and carry on regardless. I have done it when Ive been unwell & ehausted and it has had such a horrible impact on my mood, low, listless, frustrated & angry.

Im not painting too pleasant a pic of myself am I LOL

I dont know what the answer is. But I would start with getting your head around how your OH interprets mess. I sometimes find that people who live with mess claim they knmow where everything is, and of course they dont, claim the place is hygienic when kim & aggie could have a field day. I like to find failings within thier argument

In saying that though, living in a new couple is about establishing new routines. Could you wash up & put away after dinner? Can you deal with the laundry ( washing & hanging out) and he does the ironing, daily? set it into a routine, and he will know whats expected of him

As for the fruit flies, I know this is obvious, but have you bleached out the bin recently? We had them and there was a lone tea bag in the bin ( how that got there Ill never know :mad:) once that ewas gone & bins bleached they left.

Love from the cleaning psycho

lady_fuschia · 2 November 2006 at 10:34AM

RE: the fruit flies- they generally aren't too keen on smoke of any kind so burning incense and essential oils is a big help. Oils that seem to work particularly well include frankincense and citronella (the latter being slightly cheaper!)

Plus I sympathise about your OH- mine's the same. I hate nagging, but sometimes its the only way to get stuff done! One thing I found did help a little was leaving him a list on the fridge with some specific jobs to do - not too many I usually word it sneakily i.e.

"I've put the laundry in can you hang it out when its finished and put the whites through"

or
"Can you finish off the ironing and I'll put it all away when I get back" (and always end with a "love you!" and kisses!)

Sounds a bit less Nazi-like than leaving a big list of chores!

Gryfon · 2 November 2006 at 10:37AM

Well I can't really empithise with you on the cleaning side as I hate cleaning with a passion and my house is a mess! Even though I am here all day and I do hate living in clutter there always seems like there is something more interesting to do

gremlin · 2 November 2006 at 11:08AM

Hi Alex, have you considered maybe splitting the responsibilities of some jobs with your bf?

In our house, My pet hates are vacuuming the stairs, putting away washing and emptying the dishwasher.

So we agreed to spread those jobs around OH vacs the stairs and mops bathroom floor. My boys empty dishwasher every day and we each put our own clothes away (after I wash, fold, and put on beds.)

Everyone has there own responsibilities for these areas so there can be no arguing over who should do it, it also leaves me to focus on other jobs in the house. Might be worth a try.

I also do the small list every day for OH - seems to work more often than not.

mikeywills · 2 November 2006 at 11:20AM

I am very OS in many things that I do, but I have a blind spot for cleaning, I hate it with a passion. I know it needs doing but its like the preverbial bad penny, it keeps coming back.

I don't think that it is that unusual to have differing opinions to cleaning, perhaps he is secretly looking forward to you moving in if you already do the chores when you visit.

I think you need to set out some ground rules before you start, that way each of you knows where you stand. i.e, you are prepared to share the chores, but you need to discuss what each of you will do so that one of you (you) are not taken advantage of.

My DW, loves giving me chores and has more of a sledgehammer approach not softly softly like lady_fuschia. Do this or I will break your arms and never talk to you again!!!. I still know she loves me dearly, and that she knows how much I detest certain chores, which is why we try to share things out evenly, and rotate them so you don't get stuck in a rutt.

gooismeid · 2 November 2006 at 11:29AM

Good luck moving to NL - been there, done that, come back agains and still got the same OH with same attitude to cleaning! The only thing we found that worked was not very OS at all - we hired a cleaner. Which meant that we both HAD to tidy up at least once a week otherwise the floors wouldn't get swept. With regard to being on your own in a foreign country, I'd definitely recommend that you sign up for Dutch classes so that you can meet other expats, and that you go to https://www.expatica.com and sign up for their e-newsletter which will give you hints about expat clubs and events. That's not to say that you shouldn't try making friends with Dutch people, but they'll give you 6 months of speaking English at you and then expect you to be fluent in Dutch. They're sometimes difficult nuts to crack, but well worth it! Hou je taai, en ik wens je veel succes (keep strong, and I wish you much success)

lynzpower · 2 November 2006 at 2:13PM

Absolutely love your sig Gooismeid!!!!

gooismeid · 2 November 2006 at 2:49PM

Thanks! I've been trying to think of a new one for a while now but every time I see it it still makes me smile. My avatar is a pic of my darling daughter, BTW, who was born in NL and is consequently tall, blonde and has a predilection for mayonnaise with her chips.

mikeywills · 2 November 2006 at 3:18PM

Sorry getting off the thread her a bit, but I love mayo with chips and I'm welsh.(not that aunty gillian will allow them at the mo)
Hwyl

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maybe not strictly OS but I'd like to ask you guys..

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