Home » Forums

[fullofhope]

Hi,

My boyfriend and I have just purchased our first home together and would like to draw up an agreement stating that under no circumstances can any family members move in with us. We are happy for them to stay on a short holiday (max 1 week) with us if they move far away from our area, but do not want any of them trying to move in. We do not know how to word it and need help.

We want it state things like its a joint mutual decision that no family members can move in under any circumstances, no exceptions will be made, they can stay for a max of 1 week on holiday only if moved far out of the area etc.. and if anyone can suggest anything else to add or how we should word, so as not to sound nasty, but sound professional like its been drawn up by a solicitor, we would be really greatful.

We mainly want this agreement in place due to my boyfriends possesive mother (think Pauline Fowler!), who we are sure will at somepoint in the future try to emotionally blackmail us in to allowing her to move in as she will be on her own. Neither of us want this as we both want to be able to live our own lives and start maybe thinking about marriage and starting a family of our own.

We would ask our solicitor to draw up an agreement for us, but we have to save up for our deposit and are throwing every penny at that at present and don't have any spare funds to get them to do it. That's why we have decided on drawing up a mutual agreemtn for us both to sign.

If anyone can help or advise us that would be a really big help.

Thanks

[Running Horse]

If you need this unenforcable agreement, you should really not be buying property together. What would the penalty be?

[tylerdurden_167]

Why draw up any kind of agreement?

It's your house, you decide who can stay and for how long.

[00ec25]

are you then intending to get your MIL to sign said agreeement? Otherwise there's no point in a bit of paper you've created when its you that have the front door keys and control who is in your house anyway

alternatively have lots of children then there'll be no space for an (aged) grandmother to occupy

[ailuro2]

Write it up along with the other rules of the house and sign it - things like who takes responsibility for paying the mortgage, household bills, shopping etc, what spending limits are to be set on credit cards etc.

Sign it and leave it pinned to the fridge where ALL visitors can see it.

[Welshwoofs]

How on earth would you enforce such an agreement - what would the penalty be one of you agreed to have a relative move in? Enforced sale + dividing any equity?

To be honest, it seems like you're looking into a complicated and expensive alternative to telling your mother-in-law to !!!! off ;-)

[carlislelass]

I agree with above, though if I felt that I was being "timed" on a visit I wouldn`t want to bother

[McKneff]

Originally Posted by carlislelass

I agree with above, though if I felt that I was being "timed" on a visit I wouldn`t want to bother

Dont be silly, why on earth would anybody want to move in with you.

If someone asks to move in then a simple 'sorry, but no' would be sufficient.

If they ask to come for a holiday just lie and say you can stay for a few days but my oh has family coming on Saturday or something.

Doing this agreement would only stir up bad feeling.

[Norbertsmum]

I'm all for being prepared - but blimey!

If you can't trust the word of your OH should you really be moving in together?

[PasturesNew]

You're crazy. It'd never work.

[southernscouser]

Originally Posted by PasturesNew

You're crazy.

I agree.

Just show the MIL this thread. There is no way she'd want to move in with a couple of nutters like yourselves. In the nicest possible way.

[Jowo]

A visitor to a property has no security of tenure, they are merely a guest. No agreement is necessary. A guest that overstays their welcome can simply be kicked out.

The solution to a potentially unwanted guest is not through a legal agreement but through strength of character.

[Dave101t]

trying to move in? how do you try to move in?
tell them to pi55 off.
ive been living with my fiance for 12 months and i guess im lucky (or normal) as this issue simply would never arise

[maninthestreet]

...and if your MIL refuses to be party to this agreement, what will you do?

[Jowo]

Seriously, what you've got is a relationship problem, not a legal problem.

Your boyf needs to find his backbone, promise to prioritise your relationship and home and you need to be sure he can cut the apron strings.

Who you allow to visit your home, the duration of their visit and any decision to take in a lodger is entirely within your control.

[googler]

Ever watched Gordon Ramsay's' programmes?

He'd tell your boyfriend to reach down into his boxers, grope around and find his b8ll8cks....... or something like that. Have you shown your BF this thread yet?

Seriously, though - if you buy the house, you'll have the keys. The only way your MiL can get keys is if you give her a set. How can she 'move in' if you control the access with who you give keys to?

[Barneysmom]

My first thought is what a selfish couple you are.
If your mother is old and alone you wouldn't look after her? You two deserve each other, you both need to grow up.

If either of my parents become old/infirm I'd welcome them into my home without a second's thought.

[Jowo]

Originally Posted by Barneysmom

My first thought is what a selfish couple you are.
If your mother is old and alone you wouldn't look after her? You two deserve each other, you both need to grow up.

If either of my parents become old/infirm I'd welcome them into my home without a second's thought.

I don't think they are selfish. Who wants to be stuck with a domineering character? It's not commonly an act in western democratic culture to look after elderly parents in your own home. If it is, its usually because both parties want it. Someone moving into a house where they are not wanted is a recipe for disaster.

[silvercar]

You need to grow up and stand up for yourselves. No point hiding behind legal words. Or are you afraid your BF will allow his mother to move in and over rule you?

[theartfullodger]

Fullofhope...

Clearly you/OH don't trust MiL.. (possibly nobody trusts MiL..)

You are clearly therefore getting involved with the wrong OH.. that the issue has come up is warning enough...

Time to find another life partner (PM me for my details...... )

Cheers!

Lodger

On second thoughts stay together, buy somewhere but don't tell anyone where it is/stop all contact!!