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Ideas to stimulate the economy

I mainly use this forum as a vent for sarcasm, bile and hatred that I can’t use via e-mail at work (I tend to find that calling colleagues as useless as limbless Davina McCall doesn’t get you up the corporate ladder very quickly, but it may get a smattering of thanks on here) and feel a bit guilty that I’m not adding to the financial debate. It seems that the VAT cut doesn’t seem to have worked and the interest rate cuts are now lower in the public consciousness than Jade Goody’s health. So I thought I’d put together a list of effective, positive ideas to regenerate our economy

1) Government on Ice.
I think the government are missing a trick by having elections, early day motions, tabled debates, local elections, European elections and other democratic borefests that make you want to rip off your arm with your teeth. Instead, the authorities should commandeer one of the main TV channels and launch ‘Government on Ice’. Various politicians could come on to a giant ice rink and present an idea, or motion, whilst dancing with celebrities such as Debbie McGee, Lee Sharpe, any member of Westlife and Jonathon Wilkes. The public could then ring up and vote on everything at 50p per text. This would bring in a great income and get people involved in democracy again. It’d just be democracy on ice. You could get Kate Thornton to present it.

2) Naked women on banknotes
Fairly self explanatory really. Fat women on lower denominations and stunners on the £50 notes. This would encourage people to withdraw more cash and get those credit lines sorted.

3) Nectar and Clubcard Points with absolutely everything.
Never understood it myself, but it appears that the whole world is obsessed with collecting Nectar and Clubcard points. Forget VAT cuts and just mandate every business to give away 1 Nector and 1 Clubcard point for every pound spent. We’d have people spending like no tomorrow, and you’d just need a large warehouse full of baseball caps, lighters, sets of plates and other tat that these point thingamabobs get you.

4) Cash Injection Days each month
The government could introduce a day each month where we all get money via a traditional method and spend it. For example, March 09 could be ‘Money Down the Back of Your Sofa’ day, where every Briton gets all the money out from their couches and goes and spends it on random stuff. We could follow this with ‘Empty That Whiskey Bottles Full of Pennies’ day in March, ‘Vacuum Your Car And Spend All The Money You Find’ day in April, ‘Ask Your Gran For Some Money For Sweets’ day in May and ‘Sell Tat From Your Cupboards’ day in June.

5) Get rid of ‘house prices’.
I think I have a remedy that stops house rises and falls. Basically, the government puts every address in the UK into a random type machine thingy (like the one Jeremy Kyle uses to come up with programme titles) which allocates a number from 1 to 50 for every single property in the UK. You get your number sent to you and then it is then made illegal to buy and sell a house, you can only swap it with someone who has a house with the same number of you. A government website lists all the houses, so if you’re a ‘36’ you can log on, view the other ‘36’s, have a bit of a chat and see if you want to swap homes.

6) Ban graphs that go downwards
They just scare people, don’t they?

7) Lateral Olympic Thinking
On one quiet Tuesday afternoon the government should take the £12 billion they have saved in an ISA somewhere for the Olympics and suddenly buy shares in Lloyds, RBS, Barclays and HBOS but not tell anyone. As far as I can tell, the people that run these markets just react to random happenings and all the shares shooting up will mean that traders in Japan, the US and the Eurozone will all follow suit like lemmings.

8) Tax the Homeless
I got a taxi the other day and the pointless pr|ck in the front was telling me that all homeless people are secretly quite rich, have great cars and live in big detached houses. Let's tax them as it should bring in a bit of extra cash.

9) Kick the foreigners out
They just send the money home, don't they?

I’m out of ideas now, but I’m pretty sure these will do the trick.
«1345

Comments

  • Cleaver wrote: »
    I mainly use this forum as a vent for sarcasm, bile and hatred that I can’t use via e-mail at work (I tend to find that calling colleagues as useless as limbless Davina McCall doesn’t get you up the corporate ladder very quickly, but it may get a smattering of thanks on here) and feel a bit guilty that I’m not adding to the financial debate. It seems that the VAT cut doesn’t seem to have worked and the interest rate cuts are now lower in the public consciousness than Jade Goody’s health. So I thought I’d put together a list of effective, positive ideas to regenerate our economy

    1) Government on Ice.
    I think the government are missing a trick by having elections, early day motions, tabled debates, local elections, European elections and other democratic borefests that make you want to rip off your arm with your teeth. Instead, the authorities should commandeer one of the main TV channels and launch ‘Government on Ice’. Various politicians could come on to a giant ice rink and present an idea, or motion, whilst dancing with celebrities such as Debbie McGee, Lee Sharpe, any member of Westlife and Jonathon Wilkes. The public could then ring up and vote on everything at 50p per text. This would bring in a great income and get people involved in democracy again. It’d just be democracy on ice. You could get Kate Thornton to present it.

    2) Naked women on banknotes
    Fairly self explanatory really. Fat women on lower denominations and stunners on the £50 notes. This would encourage people to withdraw more cash and get those credit lines sorted.

    3) Nectar and Clubcard Points with absolutely everything.
    Never understood it myself, but it appears that the whole world is obsessed with collecting Nectar and Clubcard points. Forget VAT cuts and just mandate every business to give away 1 Nector and 1 Clubcard point for every pound spent. We’d have people spending like no tomorrow, and you’d just need a large warehouse full of baseball caps, lighters, sets of plates and other tat that these point thingamabobs get you.

    4) Cash Injection Days each month
    The government could introduce a day each month where we all get money via a traditional method and spend it. For example, March 09 could be ‘Money Down the Back of Your Sofa’ day, where every Briton gets all the money out from their couches and goes and spends it on random stuff. We could follow this with ‘Empty That Whiskey Bottles Full of Pennies’ day in March, ‘Vacuum Your Car And Spend All The Money You Find’ day in April, ‘Ask Your Gran For Some Money For Sweets’ day in May and ‘Sell Tat From Your Cupboards’ day in June.

    5) Get rid of ‘house prices’.
    I think I have a remedy that stops house rises and falls. Basically, the government puts every address in the UK into a random type machine thingy (like the one Jeremy Kyle uses to come up with programme titles) which allocates a number from 1 to 50 for every single property in the UK. You get your number sent to you and then it is then made illegal to buy and sell a house, you can only swap it with someone who has a house with the same number of you. A government website lists all the houses, so if you’re a ‘36’ you can log on, view the other ‘36’s, have a bit of a chat and see if you want to swap homes.

    6) Ban graphs that go downwards
    They just scare people, don’t they?

    7) Lateral Olympic Thinking
    On one quiet Tuesday afternoon the government should take the £12 billion they have saved in an ISA somewhere for the Olympics and suddenly buy shares in Lloyds, RBS, Barclays and HBOS but not tell anyone. As far as I can tell, the people that run these markets just react to random happenings and all the shares shooting up will mean that traders in Japan, the US and the Eurozone will all follow suit like lemmings.

    8) Tax the Homeless
    I got a taxi the other day and the pointless pr|ck in the front was telling me that all homeless people are secretly quite rich, have great cars and live in big detached houses. Let's tax them as it should bring in a bit of extra cash.

    9) Kick the foreigners out
    They just send the money home, don't they?

    I’m out of ideas now, but I’m pretty sure these will do the trick.


    10) Reduce interest rates. (Please be aware i have been away for a while)
  • ad9898_3
    ad9898_3 Posts: 3,858 Forumite
    One of the first things that come to mind that would stimulate the economy is if Brown said sorry and resigned. His face seems to 'melt' a little more with every day that passes.
  • I'm with number 2 on your list, got to be better than those old farts the BoE put on the notes now.
    I used to have a signature but it disappeared and I just couldn't be bothered writing another, so please feel free to ignore this.
  • ad44downey
    ad44downey Posts: 2,246 Forumite
    Force ex-estate agents to work for their dole money, Get them to sweep the streets, be used in medical experiments, etc. That would certainly get my vote
    Krusty & Phil Madoff, 1990 - 2007:
    "Buy now because house prices only ever go UP, UP, UP."
  • Cleaver wrote: »
    ‘Sell Tat From Your Cupboards’

    I don't know about anyone else but, instead of one day a year, we tend to do this on a fairly regular basis. A consequence of living in a flat where there's barely enough room in which to swing our cat.

    My GF sells it all on ebay and gets loads more money that it's worth which never fails to amaze me.
  • Cleaver
    Cleaver Posts: 6,989 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    SamIAm wrote: »
    I don't know about anyone else but, instead of one day a year, we tend to do this on a fairly regular basis. A consequence of living in a flat where there's barely enough room in which to swing our cat.

    My GF sells it all on ebay and gets loads more money that it's worth which never fails to amaze me.

    We do exactly the same with similar results, as our pad isn't the best for storage. I sold an old guitar last month for £30 more than I bought it, new, 5 years ago. They could have bought it new and got it delivered by a virgin on a unicycle for cheaper than they got it from me.
  • ad9898_3
    ad9898_3 Posts: 3,858 Forumite
    SamIAm wrote: »
    My GF sells it all on ebay and gets loads more money that it's worth which never fails to amaze me.

    Yep, I've seen £10 vouchers for various shops, selling for more than a tenner, amazing.:D
  • StevieJ
    StevieJ Posts: 20,174 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I'm with number 2 on your list, got to be better than those old farts the BoE put on the notes now.

    Problem is if they are too attractive people may not wish to spend them :eek:
    'Just think for a moment what a prospect that is. A single market without barriers visible or invisible giving you direct and unhindered access to the purchasing power of over 300 million of the worlds wealthiest and most prosperous people' Margaret Thatcher
  • Degenerate
    Degenerate Posts: 2,166 Forumite
    I'm with number 2 on your list, got to be better than those old farts the BoE put on the notes now.

    If we could have naked Czech and Hungarian babes on our notes, I'd reconsider my opposition to joining the Euro.
  • StevieJ
    StevieJ Posts: 20,174 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    ad9898 wrote: »
    Yep, I've seen £10 vouchers for various shops, selling for more than a tenner, amazing.:D

    Yes I have noticed that you can buy a lot of stuff new on Amazon cheaper than you can buy it on Ebay.:D
    Definately an arbitrage opportunity:j
    'Just think for a moment what a prospect that is. A single market without barriers visible or invisible giving you direct and unhindered access to the purchasing power of over 300 million of the worlds wealthiest and most prosperous people' Margaret Thatcher
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