Its all gone pete tong... :(

MrsPitcher2b · 29 October 2008 at 1:07PM

Hey everyone

Well i havent really posted much but yesterday io started to and started my life at clearing my debts, but then the poo hit the fan in terms of money lol

My partner and i were renting privatly until the landlord decided that he wanted the house back so we couldnt renew the lease - that was 2 months ago. My mum offered us a place to stay which was very kind of her, We have recently got engaged and we were all talking about the wedding and she said that we should stay there while we save up for the wedding then go back and rent/buy whatever we decide. So we set the date for the wedding - we set it quite far away so that we could clear our debts and then have enough money to pay off the wedding. She knew when it was and seemed to be ok with everything. This weekend my sister got ill and her and her baby came over to stay while we helped her. Last night, it was like my mum just flipped on us. She told my sister to go home because she didnt want her there anymore? And she snapped at us well whan are you moving out I want your room for my clothes?!!!

So last night we found somewhere else to live. But my problem is, we had budgeted to save for the wedding based on paying my mum rent/food etc. This will now go up by about £700!! Because all the rent around here has gone through the roof cos no one is buying houses

I have only just paid £700 off of one credit card, and was so pleased that i managed to do that in one go - but now with this cost, i need a new freezer for the place (well not new, but a freezer - am searching everywhere for the lowest price

) and i have no wardrobes, but hoping i can get a clothes rail for a while to borrow.

So I dont think we can save up for the wedding, OR start being debt free

The wedding food is costing £8500!! And the venue wont knock anything off of that unless we do a mid week wedding - which we cant do because of different work commitments etc.

Our originaly decission was to go abroad - but the reason i decided not to is because my sister doesnt like flying - but i think she probably would fly for my wedding - and she doesnt have much money as she only works part time after having my nephew, so i dont know if she can afford it.

Everyone keeps telling us to stop wasting our money - and now that we cant clear as much money as we though, i do think its a waste of money - i was thinking maybe we could have a big renewal in a few years when we are better off.

So basically, should we go abroad, maybe go to gretna green cos i think thats kind of cheap? Or keep it how it is.

All that matters to us is that we get married, but i really dont want to start it in debt!

If i can only afford to pay off like £200 a month off my credit cards, will I ever get debt free - because of the high interest rates (which they have just put up

)

I am going to claim back my bank charges and sell a few things on ebay - if we go abroad to wed i can sell all the stuff for the wedding and use that to pay of the debts too (and use our tesco clubcard points for the wedding)

why does something always go wrong every time you try to sort yourself out!

HIJKsplit · 29 October 2008 at 1:29PM

Hi

Not that knowledable myself but how about posting an SOA http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

Good luck on your journey

Pobby · 29 October 2008 at 1:29PM

I got married many years ago. Just close friends and family and a trip to the pub after. Cost very little and it was just as enjoyable. Oh, btw, we are still both together.

Naomim · 29 October 2008 at 2:24PM

Hi hun,

How many people are you feeding for this £8500? When DH and I married it was at a very posh tennis club and they charged about £35 a head from memory. There are plenty of money saving ways to get married and keep the costs down. I would suggest looking for a different venue if you haven't paid a deposit and having a much smaller guest list.

Naomi x

misspoppy · 29 October 2008 at 2:41PM

Hi

have you tried freecycle for the things for your home? WWW.freecycle.org

reetyre · 29 October 2008 at 2:41PM

DH and I got married in May this year and for gifts (if people wanted to give them) we asked for money towards our honeymoon which we had already budgeted for so in effect we got some of our savings back which you could maybe use to clear your debts and start married life with nothing hanging over you?

Of course things often arent as easy as that but its just a thought.
I wish you lots of luck with becoming debt free - and married - and remember, the food, venue, cake, dress etc etc will fade into lesser importance than the fact that you are marrying the man you love

xxxx

tyllwyd · 29 October 2008 at 2:43PM

I think you need to turn it around - instead of thinking of the wedding you'd like to have and seeing how much it would cost, decide what your budget it, and work backwards from there. Are you planning to spend the money because it is your dream wedding, or because you feel obliged to do it because of pressure from family or somewhere else? Let's face it, everyone knows that things are tough at the moment and so I think most people would be sympathetic if you are just straight about it, and say that you can't afford to splash out on a big do at the moment.

Do you want to go abroad? How much cheaper would that actually be? If it means you would expect family to splash out on expensive tickets abroad, to me it doesn't seem fair to push the cost onto them unless you know that they can afford it and are happy to do it.

simpywimpy · 29 October 2008 at 2:51PM

Did you not see the feature on one of the morning programmes about a lady who bought a wedding dress for 1p on ebay? It was lovely too. There are loads of ways of cutting down on the costs. I bought loads of stuff on ebay for mine and then resold them on there afterwards. You could have a buffet instead of a sit down meal. Try community centres or similar for a venue rather than a posh hotel and arrange the wedding for the late afternoon to save having an afternoon and evening do and just go with a disco and buffet then you don't have to worry too much about numbers.

Sharon87 · 29 October 2008 at 3:13PM

My sister manged ways to save on her wedding. She only spent about 4K in total. She had the ceremony in a hotel, but the reception in a community centre, where she had a buffet, rather than a meal as it was cheaper, it also nice. There are ways to save on weddings.

I advise you to budget a certain amount on each part of the wedding, then try and get it cheaper! My sister's dress was less than £300 (20% off day at Debenhams, and it was the last one). Also for bridesmaid dresses, is there anyone good at sewing? Because you could buy material and make them (mine was made, it was lovely and only about £50 altogether!)

I would suggest trying to pay off your debts and then save for your wedding, it depends how quickly you want to get married! My sister was engaged for about 5-6 years! They spent that long because of buying a house, selling it, then buying another one within 1.5 years!

Silverbird · 29 October 2008 at 3:45PM

I'm sorry but ... £8,500?!?! :eek:

I think I'm stating the obvious, but it's pretty evident that you need to cancel that venue. Even to somebody not in debt, that is extortionate.

I had my wonderful wedding 2 years ago for about 3K. It included a full-price £600 dress of my dreams (my only luxury), all accessories, make-up, hair, lingerie, ceremony (a beautiful Register Office - they're not at all like they used to be - we had ours personalised with our own music, words and vows), decorations, tea/coffee and biscuits upon arrival at reception, reception venue (local sports club that hires out a lovely hall with own dance floor and private bar), sit-down meal, DJ, buffet food, entertainment, favours ... you name it!

It's all about scaling down and shopping around. eBay was a lifesaver for me.

My best find was the reception venue, which only cost us £150 for the entire day and night (private bar obviously charged drinks etc). I found this after ringing local sports clubs and just asking if they hired out halls and then going and looking around. A couple were awful, but the last one was just perfect and beautifully decorated and very local. The food had to be ordered from them as well, but, again, incredibly reasonable.

I can understand the hurry to get married in a way, as we were the same. We were in debt, but we both strongly wanted to get married. I'm so glad we did.

My friend did Gretna Green - nobody knew about it except their parents - and she said it was lovely and they have some lovely photographs. They had a small reception in a local sports club when they returned.

In an ideal world we'd all get married in beautiful, stunning places with picturesque scenery and incredible architecture and dining, but when you're in debt these are things you compromise on and you also begin to realise that it would not make a jot of difference to your day. It's going to be perfect no matter where it is or how much it costs. But if you spend less, you'll have less to pay off afterwards!

Good luck x x

clearmydebts · 29 October 2008 at 4:37PM

Hiya,

I got married a few years ago in Spain.We had a brilliant day and it was quite cheap. We did have people over with us but friends of mine got married in Las Vegas (just the 2 of them) and they had a party when they came back.

With weddings these days it is anything goes. If you have your heart set on a dream wedding I would advise postponing it and paying off your debt first. I would have found it very stressful to have planned a wedding while worrying about the debt I was racking up. Yes, I was a bit in debt when I was getting married but it really escalated after the wedding (nothing to do with wedding costs).

I really feel for you because I know what it is like to want to get married but think of the fun you will have shopping for it when your not worrying!

Its all gone pete tong... :(

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